More F My Life

As I'm slipping my skinny latte and avoiding any hard work (by hard I mean anything that requires me to close my internet browser and actually concentrate on my job) I visited F My Life to make myself feel better. I'm currently suffering from oily skin 'cause of the evilness that is winter so I'm feeling sorry for myself. Here are some gems to make you feel better about yourself 'cause sharing is caring and it's the skinny bitch thing to do!

Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone.

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis."

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received.

Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

The September Issue

Whenever Fashionista talked about The September Issue I scrolled down to the next post. That was until I heard it may be screened in SA. TSI is a documentary about the production of the September issue of Vogue US and more importantly it’s Editor-in-Chief, Anna Wintour. Whom I just love! The documentary sounded so amazing and I was dying to watch it but the chances of a fashion documentary being screened here are very slim. Until I did some research. Turns out The September Issue is being screened at the Durban International Film Festival. Durban is where my gay best friend lives. But my love for him nor Anna Wintour can convince me to part with my already dilapidated savings account. Then I did some extensive research, my boss was pleased, and I found out it will be screened here in SA on the regular cinema circuit. In 2011. Are you freaking kidding me? The Sex & The City sequel is coming out sooner (May 2010 for those interested). So I am asking all those with access, if you have a pirated copy I am not above borrowing it, copying it onto my computer and then watching it while wearing a couture gown. In the meantime here is the trailer. Enjoy!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

I Love This City

This weekend I had planned to do almost nothing and just chill. I almost achieved that. Friday night was spent eating pizza, watching The Wedding Singer and gushing about the new flat (we still cannot believe it). Saturday I rented the third season of The Closer starring Kyra Sedgwick. She’s the one who married Ren McCormick. Sorry I mean Kevin Bacon. I’m a huge Footloose fan. The third season has been awesome! I’d love to be a ball-busting, well-dressed deputy chief of the LAPD but it looks like a lot of work.

Sunday, Little Brother ( I have two brothers, both older than me but this one is the youngest of the two) and I went to breakfast at Liquorice and Lime where I had the most amazing omelette. My craving was met! They even made it with sweet chilli sauce. I was in heaven. Inspired by Desi, I decided to make the most of the city and visited the Holocaust Centre. (By the way Desi, I was wrong, the centre is free but the R50 entry is for the Jewish Museum). I had been before when I was in high school but this time I enjoyed (if that’s the right word) it more. It was so well-presented and powerful. They had an actual prison outfit worn by a Jewish prisoner from a labour camp. I was dying to touch it. But the glass case and the security guard made it that much harder.

Afterwards my brother went back to his flat and I decided to do some window shopping in Kloof Street. If you had known about the weather in Cape Town yesterday you would have thought I was crazy. It was raining constantly not to mention freezing. As Kloof Street is my soon-to-be ‘hood, I decided to take some time and check out the place. And I absolutely loved it! I got a latte, bought some groceries, rented some more dvds and I got to show off my pink umbrella. Whilst everyone else was running for cover, I was skipping along enjoying the city. I cannot wait till this becomes a regular occurrence.

Because of my huge love for this city, I was saddened by this article by UK football journalist Louise Taylor. She’s such a meanie and says all the wrong things. Egypt deserves the World Cup ‘cause they built the pyramiads? Seriously WTF? Yes SA has flaws but we still rock. And the World Cup next year is going to be awesome! I just hope this woman doesn’t come here. But if she does she better not meet me after five cosmos. I’m not such a lady then. Like Carrie Bradshaw I am also in a relationship with my city, “And I can’t have no one talking shit about my boyfriend.”

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Monday's Mantra

This week I'm not going to cheat on my diet.
I believe in speaking English correctly (even if I don't at times).
I’m addicted to counting down the days till city living (18 to go).
I wish we were 18 days into the future.
I’m jealous of the people who were not stuck in traffic today for over an hour.
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week It's the Final Countdown.

Fashion, Fromage and Friday

Is everyone as happy as I am it's Friday? I am in an utter state of bliss mostly because this weekend I will be doing nothing except lounging around with a facemask on.

I might also go out for breakfast because I have been craving an omelette like you wouldn't believe. Only problem is I really cannot make one. So I'm going to find a place that makes one with feta and bacon. Does anyone remember that episode of Dexter's Laboratory where he had to study for his French exam. Dexter decided to play a record with his French notes, unfortunately the record got stuck on the French for cheese omelette, which is omelette du fromage. Luckily for Dexter, his exam in the end only consisted of this information.

I want to share a hilarious email a friend of mine sent me the other day. Because of our shared love for omelette du fromage I'll call him Dexter. So Dexter lives in Joburg and this past weekend he went to Nelspruit. Although I have heard of it, I'm not too sure where it is in relation to Joburg. Now Dexter knows how much I love fashion and more importantly he knows how much I love fashion disasters. So when he saw a couple with mullets he had to email me.

To: Green Eyes
From: Dexter
Subject: Nelspruit Fashion

I was in Nelspruit this weekend and as a result my eyes are now permanently damaged. Mostly because I had to close my eyes so often with regards to what people were wearing. Saying that, about 90% of the women in this town were sporting D&G sunglasses. The little street vendor at the 2nd stop street when you first enter the town is very popular.

While it was high fashion at the Durban July (Skinny Bitches note - for those not from SA, fancy horse race with more attention on the clothes than the actual race) Nelspruit is like the older, overweight sister who comes from a different dad. My favourite couple had matching mullets and amazing outfits. The guy was wearing a sweater vest decorated in colourful Dobermans. I kid you not. I tried to take a picture but it came out blurry. I had to hurry before they noticed me and hypnotised me with their outfits. Unfortunately it did not come out well.

Dexter

PS. I'm pretty sure the ladies' scarf had the Thundercats on it.

Have a great weekend!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

I Wish ...

… I wasn’t having an ugly day today. I know it’s still early but I almost called in fat today. It just felt like every outfit I tried on wasn’t working. And to make matters worse, my hair just looks awful too. Normally I’d just wear a hat. But there are a lot of important people coming to the office today (shareholders and stuff) and I cannot hide behind a trendy trilby. I am not a pretty girl (and I’m also not expecting rebuttals and beauty is on the inside stuff, I’ve made my peace with it!) I’m one of those girls who has to work a bit harder. So all this extra baggage is really killing my trying spirit. As I had already been through a gazillion outfits and was running ridiculously late, I decided to sport a side pony and magic knickers underneath a forgiving dress. A solution for now.

… I was more like Tina Fey. I watched Baby Mama last night and it was hilarious. Tina is my new role model. I have always loved her since Mean Girls. But last night, something else happened. I’m not afraid to admit it, I have a girl crush on Tina Fey. She’s funny, she’s smart and she makes wearing glasses look so cool. Not that I didn’t think that before. It’s just society doesn’t always look warmly towards girls with glasses. We all remember the adage Guys don’t make passes… So Tina you totally RULE!

… Prison Break didn’t end last night. Or at least that we were told it was the last episode. OMFG. Did anyone else about this. I knew this was the last season and expecting the episode to be coming. But suddenly it was all over. And I’m a big enough girl to admit I cried a bit at the end. I don’t wanna say why just case you haven’t seen the ending but jeez louise.

… I could have a chocolate milkshake sooo badly. I want the kind that come in those metal cups with ice-cream. The kind that comes with a straw and a spoon because it’s so thick. Mmmmmm, Milkshakes make you fat, milkshakes make you fat, milkshakes make you fat! Hopefully that mantra will help me through it all.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Fabulous Postsecret

Because of the weekend away I didn't log onto Postsecret on Sunday as usual. I just did and came across this great secret that made me realize I feel the same way about my life.


Skinny Bitches don't need no haters!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

News of the World of Skinny Bitches

This past weekend, the Skinny Bitches and a dozen friends ventured into the countryside for a weekend away. While some of us are more adapting to the country life, I was a teensy bit hesitant. With no city noise, no hair straighteners and having seen The Hills Have Eyes one too many times, I was no fan of the outdoors. What we got however was enough to make me even venture back. We stayed in two fabulous self-catering cottages on the Breede River smack-bang in the middle of wine country. If I still had any fears I drank them way. I have now decided spending a weekend any other way than drunk is just not fun at all. I wonder if I can become a wine-taster when I grow up.

Spending three days with four types of couples makes you think. Mostly I was thinking how fabulous it is to be single when seeing some relationships up close. Now I know an outsider can never really know what is happening in other people's relationships but jeez louise, I feel sorry for guys sometimes. Most of the bad stuff I witnessed in coupledom was coming from my female friends. I know girls can be bitches to each other but I have never realised how hard it is for a guy. I saw grown men being shouted at for drinking, having fun and wanting to start a fire. I saw girls punish their boyfriends for past discretions that should have been forgotten by now. I also saw one couple so in love they didn't have a problem all weekend (these were the gays who are now my relationship role models). But most of all I saw myself swearing off relationships. Please people, give me hope they're not all like this.

The best news, and the reason we drank so much, was that Skinny Bitches are OFFICIALLY moving out.The lease has been signed, the deposit's been paid and we're sooooo excited. Finally our dream of nearly a year has been accomplished. We'll be moving into a fabulous two bedroom flat near Kloof Street on 1st August. First come the jobs, the flat and then hopefully the boys!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Monday's Mantra

This week is all about being ahead of the game.
I believe I should have gone to bed earlier last night.
I’m addicted to dreaming about our new flat.
I wish I could fast-forward this Monday.
I’m jealous of no one! Heck, we're moving out, right now who could we be jealous of?
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week I don't need to be on someone's arm to look good.

An Open Letter...

To the guy receptionist at the gym, I smile at you, I greet you politely, I even say thank you when you return my card after a year so why do you continue to hurt me with your inane jokes? I smiled at them the first time now even when I give you evils you continue to ruin my day with your chirps and comments which you think are funny. Did someone once laugh so much their eyes watered when you made a joke that you decided instead of giving me my locker keys you’d do a comedy routine. And if it’s purely for my benefit, please stop. I do not need another friend, particularly one who makes my ears bleed.

To Neil from So You Think You Can Dance. I had a dream about you. It was really nice. I know you didn’t win and I know it was years ago, but you were still my favourite. I liked you even more than Joshua. You’re still a hottie. And guys who can dance always rock the casbah.

To the writers of Gossip Girl, thank you. Not only for creating one of the best shows but also for the season two ending. Yeah! Also thanks for including Little J’s obsession with Twilight. Of course she’d be obsessed with Edward and Bella. Also thanks for Blair’s hilarious line to the newly-reformed Georgina statement “I gave up my old ways when I let Jesus take the wheel” – “That is a Carrie Underwood song, not a life choice!” Also thanks for the episode into Lily’s past. Her sister is kinda weird but I loved the soundtrack. Blue Monday and Depeche Mode’s Just Can’t Get Enough in one episode. You’re spoiling me.

To the person at work, I cannot believe you did that. And for money. I also buy on credit and I also need spare cash. But I would never resort to that for money. I have lost what little respect I had for you.

To my friend’s brother, when did you become so good looking. Although I only met you a short while ago, you suddenly morphed overnight. Next time I see you, I’ll try not to be so drunk and try and be the sort of girl you can imagine going to the movies and eating dim sum with. Of course without alcohol I won’t have the confidence to even talk to you but I’ll make a plan.

To the call centre staff of YDE, please do not act surprised when I list my reason for closing my account as high prices and the worst customer service. Having worked in retail for years I know that it doesn’t take a lot to put on a fake smile and make eye contact with customers. Merely greeting them when they come to the till also does wonders. I have been to three different stores and have experienced the same amount of customer service. That would be a big fat zero. You have fabulous clothes, good locations and I’m sure some of your coworkers are delightful. Yet you do not care about said customers and now you are losing them. I was told it would be a shame to lose a customer like me (i.e. willing to be ridiculous amounts for a nice dress) due to bad service. The shame is pretending this bad service does not exist. Every year you guys call me and ask me my thoughts and every year I say the same thing. Every year nothing gets done. I have paid my last installment. I have experienced my last no-talking-no-eye-contact-no-help at the hands of a stupendously dressed but rude person. And I feel great

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!