The Problem With TV According To Moi

TV shows used to be my escape from the world. While, when I’ve run out of cupcakes. So it saddens me that when I try to revisit a beloved TV show (i.e. spend a weekend re-watching it because I am broke and payday is a week away) I manage to find so many things wrong. So I have decided to compile a list of things my favourite TV shows have done wrong. And yes, it’s been a long-ass month of me having too little money and lots of time…

…The Gossip Girl Writers Think we’re stupid. 

Nate probably thinking 1 +1 =?

There is this moment in season 5 of GG where Serena’s dad says her brother Eric cannot come home for an event because he’s stuck in Zaire. And then Serena corrects him  by saying “I think it’s called the Democratic Republic of Congo now”. Like she knew that. Her dress is literally cut down to her navel but we’re expected to buy that she knows where it is and that there’s a country called the DRC. Bitch please. The other thing that really makes me mad because I take the journalism world so seriously is that Nate is running a publishing company. Nate…I realise he comes from a world of privilege and connections but this isn’t an assistant position. He is the editor in chief. And he has yet to finish college. Or *not* fuck any female character with the exception of his mother on the show. Nice one.  

…Carrie Planned Her Trip All Wrong.

This could have been avoided.

 I have watched the final season of Sex and the City way too many times. And after all the shit Big has put Carrie through, she deserves a fabulous older ex-ballet dancer who can provide a happy life filled with new adventures, aka The Russian. So when they meet, he is a famous artist who hasn’t done a show for years and has infinite time to spend with her. He gets a new show in Paris and invites her to move with him. All of a sudden he is working all the time and not there for her every moment. So girlfriend who is understandably a little homesick gets all weird in his grill and then they break up and Big arrives, blah blah blah. Now if I were Carrie, I’d realise, hey my boyfriend is about to embark on an artistic comeback, maybe he needs a bit of space. I’ll move countries when he’s closer to the opening and then when it’s done we can carry on living our amazing lives together. See, problem fixed.

…Debra Messing Cannot Dress For Shit On Smash

Intervention starts now.

Her character is a successful playwright with musicals on Broadway. She is trying to adopt a little Chinese baby. She also has a double-storey house. In Manhattan. She can afford to stop wearing ill-fitting cardigan shrug thingys and palazzo pants. Also, enough with the scarves.

…The Other Carrie Is Clearly Not Allergic to Sulphur

Glug, glug, glug

So I have a slight allergy to sulphur. Which means I cannot drink more than two glasses of wine before I turn into a sneezy, red-faced wreck. I once drank an entire bottle of sparkling wine in half an hour because of boy problems and the result was not pretty. So I take my wine slowly. Carrie on Homeland does not. Firstly it’s pronounced Kerri which is weird in itself. Secondly, she drinks the stuff like it’s water. Taking big ol’ gulps like she’s been in the dessert and shit. I have never ever seen anyone do that to wine before. It’s just not right or fun. And I once lost a drinking game in Thailand and had to drink a bucket of other people’s beer.

Anything bugging you?

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Images from here and here. 

Things That I ♥ and Things That Bug Me - The Little Things Edition

Things That I ♥:

At the moment, nothing can beat a slice of crispy toast with a smooth layer of peanut butter and a latte for lunch. Munching on this while reading a Marian Keyes book is heaven. And a great way to relax when work is hard to handle.

Gossip Girl season three. Oh how I’ve missed Blair and Chuck. They really make the show. Serena’s okay but her outfits are a little slutty and she pulls this weird face when she’s trying to be all serious. And yeah for Hilary Duff! I totally loved Lizzie Maguire even though I was too old for it. But I couldn’t help it, the cartoon character was sooo cute. And I liked her platform sandals.

Christmas is around the corner. I am so excited to celebrate a Christmas in my own home. It’s definitely my favourite time of year. Everyone is happy and nice to each other. And I always get this warm, fuzzy feeling. I cannot wait to go shopping for the tree for the flat.

Finding the Cruel Intentions soundtrack when I thought I’d lost it. OMG, it is still as awesome as the first time I heard it.

Pringles…the salt ‘n’ vinegar flavour. Enough said.

Things That Bug Me

Grown-up mean girls. Seriously high school is over. Why do you have to say mean things to me to make you feel better. Can’t you just say it about a celebrity like the rest of us. You’re in your thirties so perhaps it’s time to grow up.

Not having the money to go shopping. An oldie but still a good one. I’m trying to save for Christmas presents so as a result, there are no new clothes or shoes this month.

My horoscope not making sense. Are good things on the way? I know it’s the person’s job to be cryptic but a little bit of a hint wouldn’t hurt.

Not having any more episodes of Glee. I need to know what happens next.

Creepy guys. Enough said.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Monday's Mantra

This week is all about having faith.
I believe a latte can improve a Monday.
I'm addicted to Gossip Girl Season 3.
I wish I could go shopping.
I'm jealous of anyone who gets to kiss Chuck Bass.
Soundtrack/Mantra for the Week Cos I gotta have faith, faith, faith!

Monday's Mantra

This week all I want to do is sleep and watch Gossip Girl.
I believe I will never look at vodka the same way.
I'm addicted to alcohol.
I wish I had had more sleep.
I'm jealous of sober folk.
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week Relax, Take It Easy.

An Open Letter...

To the guy receptionist at the gym, I smile at you, I greet you politely, I even say thank you when you return my card after a year so why do you continue to hurt me with your inane jokes? I smiled at them the first time now even when I give you evils you continue to ruin my day with your chirps and comments which you think are funny. Did someone once laugh so much their eyes watered when you made a joke that you decided instead of giving me my locker keys you’d do a comedy routine. And if it’s purely for my benefit, please stop. I do not need another friend, particularly one who makes my ears bleed.

To Neil from So You Think You Can Dance. I had a dream about you. It was really nice. I know you didn’t win and I know it was years ago, but you were still my favourite. I liked you even more than Joshua. You’re still a hottie. And guys who can dance always rock the casbah.

To the writers of Gossip Girl, thank you. Not only for creating one of the best shows but also for the season two ending. Yeah! Also thanks for including Little J’s obsession with Twilight. Of course she’d be obsessed with Edward and Bella. Also thanks for Blair’s hilarious line to the newly-reformed Georgina statement “I gave up my old ways when I let Jesus take the wheel” – “That is a Carrie Underwood song, not a life choice!” Also thanks for the episode into Lily’s past. Her sister is kinda weird but I loved the soundtrack. Blue Monday and Depeche Mode’s Just Can’t Get Enough in one episode. You’re spoiling me.

To the person at work, I cannot believe you did that. And for money. I also buy on credit and I also need spare cash. But I would never resort to that for money. I have lost what little respect I had for you.

To my friend’s brother, when did you become so good looking. Although I only met you a short while ago, you suddenly morphed overnight. Next time I see you, I’ll try not to be so drunk and try and be the sort of girl you can imagine going to the movies and eating dim sum with. Of course without alcohol I won’t have the confidence to even talk to you but I’ll make a plan.

To the call centre staff of YDE, please do not act surprised when I list my reason for closing my account as high prices and the worst customer service. Having worked in retail for years I know that it doesn’t take a lot to put on a fake smile and make eye contact with customers. Merely greeting them when they come to the till also does wonders. I have been to three different stores and have experienced the same amount of customer service. That would be a big fat zero. You have fabulous clothes, good locations and I’m sure some of your coworkers are delightful. Yet you do not care about said customers and now you are losing them. I was told it would be a shame to lose a customer like me (i.e. willing to be ridiculous amounts for a nice dress) due to bad service. The shame is pretending this bad service does not exist. Every year you guys call me and ask me my thoughts and every year I say the same thing. Every year nothing gets done. I have paid my last installment. I have experienced my last no-talking-no-eye-contact-no-help at the hands of a stupendously dressed but rude person. And I feel great

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Every Girl Loves a Lonely Boy

After spending the whole weekend catching up on Gossip Girl (that's season 1 and 5 epi's from 2) I had an epiphany. Ofcourse with a little help from Green Eyes. On Friday night as you know we were at Neighbourhood having a heart-to-heart about moving-out, Gossip Girl and boys (deliberate use of the word boys) and I was telling green eyes how much I really like the character of Dan (she ofcourse is 100% into Chuck) and how I think he's sexy in his own right whilst my eyes dreamily went into the back of my head. And that's when she slapped me through the face.

Okay, so not literally, but she said that the character of Dan reminds me of my ex, which kind of caught me slightly off guard. And after watching the rest of the episodes over the weekend I realised it's completely true. Sure my ex doesn't live in Brooklyn and he doesn't read literary masterpieces that I know of, but his brooding, non-conformist, and introvert character definately do relate. And that got me thinking. Every girl loves the naughty boy Chuck Bass's and the hunky Nate Archibald's of the world, but we also, deep down inside, love the lonely boy Dan Humphrey's of the world.

Lonely Boys take you by surprise. They may not be model material, eloquent in nature or in-line for a trustfund, but they certainly know how to leave a small imprint on your heart. Maybe it's because they have none of the above to help them that they squirm their way in with their humour, intelligence, listening skills and undiscovered sexuality.

I'll tell you about my own Lonely Boy sometime, but until then I'd like to know your stories about the Dan's, Chucks and Nates of your world, please do fill us in.

S.B.

P.S. I lied when I said small imprint

I Don't Like Mondays

BE WARNED: moaning and at times TMI post ahead. Am feeling pretty shitty so excuse the lack of happiness in the post.

I think it’s going to be one of those awful Mondays. You know the ones that no matter how gung ho you are, you arrive at work and it’s like the life has been drained out of you. Today’s Monday Blues have absolutely nothing to do with the grey and wet weather currently casting a shadow over Cape Town and my mood. But it’s not helping either.

The bad thing about a Monday like this is, it makes me question why I’m at my current job. I don’t have a problem with the people (well most of them anyway), or the company (it actually looks after its employees really nicely and we eat lots of cake) but I have a problem with being a receptionist when I have a degree. And it’s not an office administrator’s degree. It’s a proper, recognized bachelor’s that I earned. Most days I’m okay with this job, it pays nicely and I can go on the internet whenever I want. But on a Monday, not even watching a sneezing panda on YouTube can make up for it.

Apart from feeling sorry for myself and my Monday situation, I think I wore the wrong outfit to work today. I thought I’d rock my skinny jeans with a voluminous white shirt, you know balance it out. But then I thought the white shirt was too plain on its own. So I added a bustier-type top to wear over it. Problem was, I have not worn this bustier-type top in years and while it fits, it rides up and exposes my love handles. So I’m constantly pulling it down. And then, this is where it gets a bit personal, I wore the wrong underwear too. Instead of choosing a pair of lacey, pretty things I chose a pair of ugly, period pants that are super comfy but just degrade the entire outfit. So not only am I trying to hide my muffin top, I’m also trying to hide my knickers. I look like I’m having a spastic fit. If the people at work didn’t think I was weird before, they do now.

The only light at the end of my tunnel is a trip for a latte later. Not only do I get to leave the office but I get to surrounded by people who call me princess. You gotta love the vida guys!

UPDATE: I wrote this post around ten this morning and because I had only been at work for an hour and a half when it felt like three hours I was Ms Grumpy Gills. I am now happy to report it's Vida Time and it's only three hours till home time which means I can continue my Gossip Girl season two binge. Monday is looking better already.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Monday's Mantra

This weekEND cannot come any sooner.
I believe Chuck and Blair belong together
I'm addicted to swearing at work (That's Blue Eyes btw, Green Eyes is a lady!)
I wish just for one day that I could be Blair Waldorf
I'm jealous of students who don't have full-time jobs
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week you know you love me...XOXO

2 New Contenders

Just a quick update to say that, although we have professed our love for The Place Near Beleza, there are now two more places that we're willing to apply for.

The first one is a few minutes walk from Kloof Street, which means it shall be named The Place Near Arnolds. Kloof street also has the Lifestyle centre, Saigon and I could walk to the gym as it's advantages. Unfortunately this place currently smells like stale smoke (we're hoping that will change), only has built in cupboards in one bedroom and offers no parking. There is ample parking in the street though.

The other place is also in Tamboerskloof and is now referred to as The Place Near Liquorice and Lime. You may remember it from here. Well we had another view, it was much cleaner than before and you cannot beat that view.

So we have three places we wouldn't mind calling home. All still need a Skinny Bitches touch and some decorating. But all will suffice till we marry the boys from Gossip Girl and move into penthouses.

Have a great weekend!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Happy Anne Boleyn Day

So today, in 1536 was the day Anne Boleyn was beheaded. I’m a huge fan of Anne Boleyn (not the alleged incest and witchery part btw). This is after all the women many believe invented “Playing Hard to Get”. She kept Henry at bay for 6 years. That is one long seduction technique.

Unfortunately for her it didn’t end so well.

A key lesson to be learnt, if you’re promising the world or in this case a son, deliver. If you don’t and you happen to have upset the most powerful man in the country, you’re going to get it.

I’m not sure whether it’s the portrayal of her by Natalie Dormer in the Tudors or Philipa Gregory’s The Other Boleyn Girl (but definitely not Natalie Portman – what were they thinking? Getting Queen Amidala to play Anne?). But I am fascinated by her. If we were at school together, she would have been the girl I hated at school. She is also the one I would have desperately and secretly wanted to be like. Both depictions present someone who knows what they’re working with and how they use it to their advantage. History has written that Anne was an unconventional beauty. Not nearly as attractive as her sister Mary but Anne was the one who held the room’s attention. The one to capture the attentions of a king.

And make a fashion statement. Her famous pearl “B” choker has spawned many replicas. I’m trying to find someone in Cape Town to make me an “A” one. And although on a TV show, Natalie Dormer’s headdresses are absolutely fabulous. Even more exciting than Blair’s headbands on GG.

Here is one of the best performances by Natalie Dormer on The Tudors season two.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Wish List # 6 Chuck Bass

For those unfamiliar with Gossip Girl (aka one of the most awesome shows ever), then the allure and sheer-hotness of Chuck Bass, played by Ed Westwick, will be a mystery. Even I will admit that before I saw the show about Manhattan's elite teen-queens and heartthrobs I was so not a fan. Perez Hilton consistently mentioned the British actor and alluded to his supposed homosexuality with fellow GG co-star Chace Crawford. I was not a Chuck Bass convert until I managed to watch the whole first season. And I did so in two days, never leaving the couch with a consistent supply of junk food. The rest, I am now a bona-fide Chuck-a-holic!

This Upper East Side bad boy of Manhattan's social scene may not be the first choice to take home to the parents. But he is the one they would have warned us about. The notorious, manipulative and sexy Chuck Bass breaks all the rules and has such fun doing it. He makes no apologies except justifies his actions with his now-renowned catchphrase, "I'm Chuck Bass". Although revenge and self-gain are synonymous with his character, Chuck also managed to show us a softer, caring and loyal side when it comes to his bestie Nate and his love interest Blair.

Apart from the money and the womanising and his catchphrase, Chuck Bass is a natty dresser. And us women folk couldn't be more happier. We're watching the show for him as much as for Blair's headbands and Serena's ensembles. Chuck Bass has the ability to mix prep-school cool with street style. His eponymous patchwork scarf has had fashionistas scrambling to purchase one for themselves and has spawned its own dedicated fansite.

Until we get Chuck Bass, we'll settle for some pictures and quotes.

"I'm Chuck Bass


"There's something wrong with that level of perfection. It needs to be violated."


"Why don't I turn that one piece into a no-piece."


"Well I'm Chuck Bass."