Dear Future Boyfriend, Part Two

You know more guidelines and advice for that lucky (?) guy.

*I heart Bradley Cooper. So if you are not him, you’ll have to deal with me talking about him. You see, I’ve been undertaking some charity work in order to provide me with good karma for the rest of my life. Well sort of. I really want to do charity work but I’m like crazy busy and there never seems enough time. But I intend to do something because by some twist of fate (karma that’s you) I’d really like it for you FB to either be Bradley Cooper or at least resemble him. See I have had this thing about him for ages. Ever since he first appeared in Sex & The City, then Kitchen Confidential then even as the douche in Wedding Crashers. For some reason I cannot look away and the obsession’s starting to get bad. I’ve started to think of the many ways we’d meet and fall in love and how I’d handle the press intrusion into our lives and what to do if our sex tape ever got leaked (which wouldn’t be the dirty kind by the way, more a video of me eating cheese and filming Bradley while he sleeps). So shit is bound to get weird and I’d just like to prepare you for it.

*In that great tradition of double-standards, my shit can be weird but I’d prefer if there are things you didn’t do. If you tend to eat chocolate cereal and just love when the milk turns all brown and tastes delish, please use your spoon to drink it and not go directly for the bowl. If you say shit like “catch you on the flip side” or pronounce croissant with a French accent even though you’re not French, it’s over. If you listen to Nickelback, haven’t watched 30 Rock or wear a peak cap backwards, it’s okay. Not everyone is perfect. But if you do all three, see ya!

*You have to like my gays. Unfortunately and fortunately I seem to attract the homosexuals. I think it’s my extreme penchant for ABBA, musicals and cocktails with dirty names. Instead of a moth I’m a disco ball and instead of a flame, they’re flaming queens. I don’t usually complain about my gays but it is discerning to note that most of my BBM contacts have Lady Gaga as their profile pictures. But they’re an important part of my life and I’ll need you to accept them. You don’t need to love them because then I’ll worry that I’ve turned another one but you do need to like them. Or at least pretend you do.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

A Fine Romance

So it happened sometime before Christmas, I was wrapping presents and watching Love Actually. My Christmas movie of choice when one of my favourite parts occurred. Or what used to be one of my favourite parts.

You see in the recent months things I have found romantic have somewhat waned and I long for movies that tell the truth like He's Just Not That Into You and Up In the Air. Romantic comedies with real-life endings. So when the guy who's in love with his best friend's wife shows up with cue cards professing she's perfect, part of me, went "lame" while the older cheese-lover inside of me went "awwww".

At that moment I didn't think the gesture was romantic, I thought it was too much. In my reality, if he had shown up with a pizza the boy would have gotten some, not just a sad kiss on the cheek. Therefore in case there are any future boyfriends out there or if Bradly Cooper has woken up and realised he belongs with me, here is my list of new romantic norms. This is what will get my heart racing and make me smile:

*Pay off my credit card. Seriously I have a little problem - what others call a spending addiction but I’m not big into labels- with money when I have it, I tend to use it. For some reason I cannot comprehend the term “saving”. Also I have big dreams of being Oprah rich so I tend to live like my bank account is full of moolah when really it’s in the overdraft stages. Therefore any man who’s willing to surprise me with a bank deposit slip is getting lucky.

*Accept my quirks. Now I don’t do or have any weird things that I’m ashamed of like offering up sacrifices to the moon god naked or watching Two and a Half Men (if I ever do any of those, you’re free to bounce) but I do have things that not many people understand. So I’ll need you to leave me alone when I’m watching Come Dine With Me because for some reason I prefer to watch it by myself; and I’ll need you to not judge when I eat an entire jar of gherkins by myself (you should proud if anything) and if for some reason we’re together when Making Love Out of Nothing At All is playing let me sing the "I can make the runner stumble. I can make the final block. And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle. I can make all the stadiums rock” by myself. Mainly because most people don’t do it justice.

*Bring me presents. And I don’t mean flowers. I mean things I can actually use. Like nail polish remover, I always forget to buy that and let me tell you, chipped nails are not good. Also cheese, because it’s a tasty treat, it makes me happy, gives me some much-needed calcium and feta always makes things better.

*Acknowledge my beauty routine. And I’m not talking about a two week stay at a fat farm. The little things count. I have really thick long hair so to wash it, dry it and then GHD it takes forever. Telling me it’s looking shiny, healthy and straight would be amazing. Saying you cannot see my split ends would be a lie but also would mean so much.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Image from here.

Things I Heart...

I’ve always wondered what my favourite food is and then I stop. I don’t like to play favourites and being a Fat Kid inside means I love all food equally. One of my top five dishes however has to be nachos. No matter what, I am always in the mood for some nachos. There is the moment when the tortilla chip meets the cheese and salsa and then they bump into sour cream and guacamole and just when you think the party is complete the chicken pieces gate crash. That moment is known as perfection. In my opinion, the best nachos in Cape Town can be found at Neighbourhood, Buena Vista and Beefcakes.

Hipster Hipter. Think the name says it all.

Ugly Betty. I never stopped loving this show. But when I left mommy and daddy’s place to live in the real world i.e. my own flat I had to give up a lot of things. Satellite TV was just not conducive to my grownup budget so I’ve missed a lot of this show. Luckily thanks to some connections I’m watching again and don’t ever want to stop. I’m just about to start the final season and I am already getting saddened by the fact I won’t have Marc and Amanda in my life. Think they’re the main reason I watch the show.

My family. Even though they are crazy, loud and drink too much. If you had to compare us to anyone it’ll be the Walkers from Brothers and Sisters. Seriously, there’s drama, wine, family dinners where someone gets offended and adorable grandkids. The majority of the time they drive me crazy but once we start with the wine, everything calms down.

Bradley Cooper. Not that this one needs an explanation either. We recently watched the A-Team and my love for Mr Cooper has just been magnified. Wowza! He is definitely on my Lust Have list!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

How Do You Measure A Year

This past weekend we watched the movie version of the musical Rent. I don't like to mention names - Blue Eyes - but not everyone enjoyed it. I on the other loved it. While it's not happy like Hairspray or Mamma Mia! or romantic like The Phantom of the Opera, it's still a great musical. I suppose the subject material of AIDS, violence and drugs does not help matters.

While it is about those things, it also poses a very important question: How do You Measure a Year?

I'm paraphrasing from the song here but basically are you the type of person that measures your life in:

- minutes (525 600 to be exact)
- daylights
- sunsets
- midnights
- cups of coffee
- inches
- miles
- laughter
- strife
- truths learned
- times cried
- bridges burned

In the end, they offer up love as a measurement of a year. The song is called Seasons of Love after all.

While I'd love to measure a year in love, I'm afraid it won't be a very long calculation. I have to wait for Bradley Cooper to wake up and realise that he loves me first :)

But from now on, I think the measurement of a year shouldn't be how many hours you spent a job you didn't like, or how many times you looked at your phone wishing he'd call or even all those moments spent cursing in traffic.

From now on, I'm measuring a year in how many good coffee dates I've had with Blue Eyes, the nights I danced with my gays to Glee, the laughs I've had with my brothers and sisters, and the times when I realised how lucky I am.

How do you measure a year?

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Ps. If you wanna hear the song, click here.

Image from here.

Mid-Week Highlights

I finished reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. It started off very slowly and then all of a sudden I was staying up late to finish it. It was totally gripping but also had a dark plot twist that I never saw coming. Wonder how Stieg Larsson thought of that. If you haven’t read it, I don’t want to ruin it. But I would recommend it, if you’re not too sensitive. It’s not graphic but it’s a bit hectic.

I’ve started planning my winter wardrobe. I’m thinking ladylike chic with an edge. I’m planning greys, blues and purples and lots of accessories like gloves, scarves, hats, and ear muffs. Also plan on getting some awesome head pieces from Mungo and Jemima.

After months of ignoring my account, I finally (re)joined Twitter. It was a bit daunting at first ‘cause I didn’t get what RT meant or how to follow people. So after a tutorial by my lovely co-worker I am now tweeting in heels. Seriously that’s my name! You can go here to follow me. Must still get a new profile and shizz but right now am just enjoying tweeting.

I’m getting super excited for the World Cup. It’s 99 days away. I’ll be going to two games so far both with lots of talent on the pitch. But the most important thing is that Blue Eyes and I will be planning our own personal welcoming committee. Mostly for all the hot foreign boys ;)

Tonight we’re going to watch Valentine’s Day. I’ve heard it’s a shameful American rip-off of Love Actually. I’ve also heard it’s really funny. All I’m saying is, McSteamy, Bradley Cooper and Jakob from Twilight in the same movie…yes please!

Hope your week is awesome!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Friday Fun

So this weekend is Valentine's Day. As Bradley Cooper has not come to his senses and come and found me yet, I will be spending the evening with some of my other single girls at dinner.

Just a heads up, this dinner is not a love sucks pity party but more let's get dressed up and show those boys what they're missing.

No matter what you're doing hope you have a fab weekend.

Here's a skinny bitch valentine for all of you.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Back At Work - Sad Face

So...today is the day I start work after a fabulous holiday. Instead of being all grumpy gills like I was yesterday about the prospect (I threw a tantrum and was told to grown up) I have decided to be postive.

That is almost working. In all truth, it hasn’t been a bad day. I managed to find the will power to get up before the sun and go to gym. Considering I was in near comatose state, I’m not sure if I actually worked out or had a nap in the sauna room. Either way my pores are unblocked and my hair is frizzy. I then managed to get dressed, get my lunch and drive all the way here. I ignored all possible exits off the freeway and actually arrived at work. Things were going okay.

Now as it is my first day back, I thought I’d treat myself. If this were still the holidays, I’d be treating myself by staying in bed. But since I ran out of leave days and I like to think the place would burn down without me, I ventured to work and would have to make due with a different kind of treat. A much smaller one. Mostly because I cannot treat myself to Bradley Cooper and I used all my money on New Years. So I decided a latte would be the perfect way to start my day.

After a quick trip, I switched on my computer and waited for the gazillion emails to download. This was a nice way to begin the day, little work, coffee and half the people I don’t like in the office still on leave. I;m still trying to get into the day and have to admit am working as slowly as possible. I’m taking the opportunity that the little people in the office won’t notice that I’m filing, answering mails, uploading pics to Facebook and catching up on FML. There are some advantages to returning to work.

In few minutes, will be posting the mantra( It’s back bitches!) and recapping on my holiday. Until then, have a great day!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Monday's Mantra

This week the confidence is soaring.
I believe in settings goals and achieving them (well for this week at least).
I’m addicted to spinach and feta pie.
I wish he calls.
I’m jealous of anyone who gets close to Bradley Cooper. The boy is delish.
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week Old Time Rock ‘n Roll