Get Ready Monsters

Gaga is coming to South Africa! My gays and I are about to go cray!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Image from here.

Dear Future Boyfriend, Part Two

You know more guidelines and advice for that lucky (?) guy.

*I heart Bradley Cooper. So if you are not him, you’ll have to deal with me talking about him. You see, I’ve been undertaking some charity work in order to provide me with good karma for the rest of my life. Well sort of. I really want to do charity work but I’m like crazy busy and there never seems enough time. But I intend to do something because by some twist of fate (karma that’s you) I’d really like it for you FB to either be Bradley Cooper or at least resemble him. See I have had this thing about him for ages. Ever since he first appeared in Sex & The City, then Kitchen Confidential then even as the douche in Wedding Crashers. For some reason I cannot look away and the obsession’s starting to get bad. I’ve started to think of the many ways we’d meet and fall in love and how I’d handle the press intrusion into our lives and what to do if our sex tape ever got leaked (which wouldn’t be the dirty kind by the way, more a video of me eating cheese and filming Bradley while he sleeps). So shit is bound to get weird and I’d just like to prepare you for it.

*In that great tradition of double-standards, my shit can be weird but I’d prefer if there are things you didn’t do. If you tend to eat chocolate cereal and just love when the milk turns all brown and tastes delish, please use your spoon to drink it and not go directly for the bowl. If you say shit like “catch you on the flip side” or pronounce croissant with a French accent even though you’re not French, it’s over. If you listen to Nickelback, haven’t watched 30 Rock or wear a peak cap backwards, it’s okay. Not everyone is perfect. But if you do all three, see ya!

*You have to like my gays. Unfortunately and fortunately I seem to attract the homosexuals. I think it’s my extreme penchant for ABBA, musicals and cocktails with dirty names. Instead of a moth I’m a disco ball and instead of a flame, they’re flaming queens. I don’t usually complain about my gays but it is discerning to note that most of my BBM contacts have Lady Gaga as their profile pictures. But they’re an important part of my life and I’ll need you to accept them. You don’t need to love them because then I’ll worry that I’ve turned another one but you do need to like them. Or at least pretend you do.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Things I've Realised

I listen to Lady Gaga too much. Yesterday my mom called me and when I couldn’t talk I said “Sorry I cannot hear you I’m kinda busy, k-k-k-kinda busy.” May need to switch back to my 80s collection for a while.

I love dressing up in winter. Yes, it’s freezing and it’s a mission to even get out of the warm bed but afterwards it’s all worth it. Layering is a big thing in our flat. Also we love accessorizing with scarves, gloves and hats. So I think deep down I’m a winter baby. Also I get to wear my beloved boots. Major drawback about summer, you cannot wear boots. Well you can, but you might get called a hussy.

That negative people need to move away from me. I’m not talking about sad people or people who have real problems. I’m talking about the moany cows that always look on the bad side of life. Instead of trying to cheer them up, I’m walking away. I’m not a biatch I have just realized that these people will always find a way to be grumpy gills so instead I’m avoiding them. They will not bring down my ray of light.

I’m stuck in a coffee rut. I love my Vida but I’m thinking I need to branch out a little. So this weekend the gays and I are heading out to find a new haunt. If you have any suggestions (particularly one that serves food) in the City please let me know.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Image from weheartit

Things That I ♥ and Things That Bug Me

Things that I ♥

My favourite fictional TV couple used to be Pam and Jim from The Office. They have been dethroned by Kevin and Scotty from Brothers & Sisters. They fight, they makeup, they love Lady Gaga and they’re both ridiculously good looking. Also they make for very entertaining TV.

The Quattro muffin from Vida. For those not familiar with it, it’s basically a four cheese muffin made by angels. It’s best served with a latte and heated up a bit so that the cheese melts. It doesn’t really go with my diet but you’ve got to live a little.

Lady Gaga’s Alejandro. It reminds me of Madonna’s Isla La Bonita and any reference to Madonna is a winner with me.

Things that bug me

The fact that I didn’t take the day off. Tomorrow is a public holiday and a long weekend would have been ideal. Our office is pretty deserted today except for the Johnny-Come-Latelys like myself who didn’t take leave in time.

People who eavesdrop into your conversation and then make comments. If we wanted your snide comments we’d invite you to the party. But seeing as this is Invite-Only, I’d prefer if you didn’t gate-crash.

The weather. One day it’s raining and I get to wear a lovely coat. Over the weekend it’s sunny and I got to rock a maxi dress. I don’t mind what the weather is, I have fabulous outfits to accommodate all types. What I would like is some consistency.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Images from weheartit

Things That I ♥

Buying New Products

I went to the shops the other day to get my basic toiletries. I came back with a whole lot more. I love buying and opening new products. The pretty packaging, the new smells, it's all so fabulous. And they just make you feel like a goddess afterwards. I even went a little crazy and bought some paraffin wax for a home pedicure. If you've ever had a pedi with paraffin wax, you'll understand why. The Social Butterfly forsees a huge mess in the future and on my carpet but I plan to prove him wrong and make my jealous with my home job.

Full Fat Coke

I have tried in vain to switch to Coke Light but it's just not working for me. Considering I always have sweetner instead of sugar and drink sugar-free juice, I'm going to let this one go. Obviously I'm not going to go over abroad and undo all the dieting I've done. But every now and again I'm totally going to have a regular coke. The small can of course.

Bad Romance

There is no way I am getting over this song. And I've played it a gazillion times. That normally does the trick for me. This time, I hear the song and all of a sudden I'm performing the choreography from the music video and doing the "Rah-Rah..." part. Major snaps for Gaga!

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