Dear Future Boyfriend Part Thirteen

There are some things I’m not willing to compromise on. These things include lying, cheating, murdering, listening to Simply Red and stealing. I wish this was where my dealbreakers end. Sadly we all know I have some issues so it’s a long list. These are separated into various categories. Some I will deny their very existence (like sport shirts on any day other than match day) while others will lead me to try and not lose my cool but slowly make me resent you and the life we lead together. Sexy isn’t it. But I suppose if you are the one and all that nonsense I will live with these quirks as long as you don’t do any of the serious ones above and also can deal with me side-eying you for all eternity. Love ya!

In no particular order these are things/qualities/attributes I would rather you not possess. Do your best and play along:

Be mean to wait staff

Pick your nose in public (I wish I could say ever but baby steps)

Throw a cigarette butt out the window

Be a vegan (Vegetarian I can handle, vegans are so smug)

Not like sports

Make fun of my singing (I know I am tone deaf, I know I cannot hold a tune, I know I sound terrible but I love it)

Take off your shoes in a public place (by public I mean shopping centres, movie theatres, restaurants. Beaches, parks and most outdoors places are okay)

Sign off your mails with “Ciao”. Even worse spell it “Chow”

Try and pronounce quesadillas in a Mexican accent

Preferring the American version of The Office over the British version

  

Give away TV, book and movie spoilers

Need to hold my hand all the time

Not have a favourite Beatles song

Have no kissing skills

Do not celebrate Christmas

Not eat bacon

Say you don’t cook/clean because that’s woman’s work

Be a coffee snob

Not be prepared to do a karaoke duet of A Whole New World

Keep correcting me when I pronounce quinoa as “keenwa”. I know what I’m saying mofo

Understand if Henry Cavil ever comes a-knocking it’s gonna happen. And by it I mean lots of adult stuff

Not drink (you *will* judge me)

Be weird around gay guys (trust me they’re not into you)

Not give me shit about not liking avocados (they are weird and have no taste)

Don’t watch series and/or movies about superheroes or medieval times as you prefer “real stories”. Bitch please

Doesn’t read this blog ;)

Now come on and date me!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

My Olympic Highlights

Yes the Opening Ceremony was fabulous. Yes South Africa is doing well and yes these athletics are making us feel lazy and wondering "what were we doing at that age." But let's all take a moment to celebrate the best part of the Olympics: the boys. Especially the boys who spend their time in water.

First up, this is a local. Chad Le Clos, he won gold for swimming some race but more importantly his dad has won the world's hearts. He's 20, comes from Durban and cried when the national anthem was played during the medal ceremony. I want to have his babies. Mainly because I want his dad to scream "Unbelievable" when I give birth.

This is Ryan Lochte. He has also won gold. I cannot tell you what for. I can tell you he is cute. He also seems like a bit of a douche. Not intentionally but he reminds me of those guys who hang out at Tiger Tiger with white pointy shoes, ordering Jaggy Bombs and wanting to have sex in the bathroom. Know what I mean?! Not my type but if he looked at me, can't say I'd say no.

This is Nathan Adrian. He is half-Asian, which means our children will be 1/4 Asian. As I really want a fat Asian baby of my own, I will accept this. I have spent way more time researching him than necessary and I have found out I'm a year older than him, he wants to be a doctor and he has Twilight on his iPad. I just want to say 我愛你 which is I Love You in Chinese according to Google Translate.

This is Tom Daley. He has a tendency for making me feel old. Most of the time I find pictures of his legal and totally ah-mazing body. Other times when I'm doing my Daily Daley Google I find pictures of his last Olympics outing. When he was like 14. He is a diver and has been in the news because one sick mofo has been Twitter-trolling him. Personally, he should be in the news because of his abs.

This is Louis Smith. He's a gymnast. He does cray cray things on the pommel horse. I actually watched his final so I know what tricks he did. And let me tell you, the guy has stamina. My arms get tired from just straightening my hair, he manages a whole routine with his arms. From all the pictures I've seen he seems to have a bit of Gay Face but as you know I'm a Fag Hag so all are welcome in my arms.

 Anyone else I'm missing out on? Let me know.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Images from here, here, here, here and here.

Cape Town Fan Walk

Skinny Bitches did the fan walk last night for the Holland and Uruguay semi-final.

The place was packed. It seems everyone and their orange-clad family were in the city yesterday. We didn't walk all the way to the stadium, the crowds were a little too hectic for that. But I did find this awesome picture of the stadium walk on Twitter.


We're gonna be really sad when the World Cup's over but we've had some awesome times.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh1

Dear Salary...

Please come back to stay with me.
You left in such a rush.
I didn't even have time to tell you about my plans.

I'm sorry about what I did.
I promise I'll be good next time.
Love you will all my debts...

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

*From a super cute email the Sports Fan sent me. Have a great weekend!

A Little Bit of Nonsense...

If you ever have a slow day at work there are two fabulous things to make it better.

1. Go out for a latte; and

2. Read other people’s blogs.

Since I’m going out for a latte later, the blog updates have definitely come in handy. I just peaked over at Mrs C’s blog and she has been posting some great stuff that I will now shamelessly steal and post as my own.

So here are my 20 questions!

1. I don’t really think I can manage _______________ today.
Another guy’s hissy fits. They’re worse than girls sometimes.

2. What did you have for breakfast this morning?
The milo cereal. Mmmmm.

3. Share some recent good news.
We are moving out. Apart from that, my skin has cleared up.

4. What was the last movie you saw? What did you think of it?
The Hangover. Hilarious and full of hotties.

5. If you had to, could you do commentary for a sporting event?
Definitely. I’d do it for a soccer game. Talking about boys in shorts, I’d be fantastic.

6. What makes you feel better when you're sick?
Lots of sleep and watching the movie Footloose whilst sipping a chocholate Steri Stumpie.

7. What do you listen to in the car?
This morning it was Keane and then some Air Supply.

8. What were the last five foods you ate?
Milo cereal, chocolate, chicken schnitzel, baked potato and sweet corn

9. Who was your first prom date?
Suppose our equivalent was the matric dance and then it was my gay best friend.

10. What was your first grade teacher's name?
Mrs Correira. She teaches my niece now.

11. How many weddings have you been in?
4 but always as a flower girl. I’d cry if I was a bridesmaid four times over.

12. Who is on your "List"?
At the moment it’s Bradley Cooper.

13. I love you more than _____________.
McDonalds Quarter Pounder with cheese Supersized.

14. Oranges or grapefruit?
Grapefruit.

15. What is the earliest memory you have of your first day of school?
I remember not crying when leaving my mom for the first day. The next day I bawled.

16. Would you ever choose money over love?
depends who’s offering the love ;)

17. Four people who e-mail me regularly:
Blue Eyes, the Gay Best Friend, Blonde Princess and the Sports Fan

18. What were your favorite books as a child?
The Magic Faraway Tree rocked.

19. Never in my life:
Will I wear tye-dye.

20. Ever been given an engagement ring?
I didn’t like this question as a result of my singleness so I changed it to

20. What’s your favourite thing to sing in the shower?
And honestly it’s the soundtracks to Disney movies. I can belt out all of The Little Mermaid songs.

I ♥ Cape Town

Because I work in an office in an uncool part of Cape Town, Observatory to be exact, there is nothing I relish more than having some time off from being an office administrator and enjoying Cape Town. If you have never been here, you won't understand. If you have, you'll understand perfectly. Remember in Sex and The City where Carrie says she's dating the city? Well Cape Town and I are having a scandalous affair. Unfortunately we cannot have a full-blown relationship as Cape Town has many lovers and as I rule I do not date Man Hos. But this week felt as if his wife had gone to visit her parents for the week and we didn't have to worry about being caught.

Starting with the public holiday on Monday, the girls and I headed on the scary N2 to Lourensford Wine Estate for the Coke Zero Fest. Armed with copius amounts of sunscreen, rockstar sun glasses and an '80s rock complilation, we arrived in the middle of the SA bands sets. I had an absolutely fabulous time despite the +30 degree heat. There was cheap booze, cute boys (many without shirts) and awesome music.

By the time Panic At The Disco came on stage, I had wrangled myself to the front of the area. This was great for catching glimspes of Brendon Urie (who I am soooooo in love with) but bad for stability. With the sun beating down hard in sweltering heat, I almost fainted. Eventually the Blonde Princess had to go and get me some sugar because there was no way I was giving up my spot so some 12-year-old emo girl could swoon over Brendon instead of me. And it was totally worth it, although they don't have a huge following in SA, Panic totally rocked the house. Snow Patrol were on next and by this time, my blood sugar levels were back up and the sun was setting. Gary, the lead singer has to be the most polite muscian ever or just very charming. He had 12 000 people hanging on his every word.

Without a doubt Snow Patrol were the highlight of the fest. And a tough act to follow. As Oasis found out. Their lacklustre performance meant I spent more time at the food stalls than listening. They almost redeemed themselves with Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova but it was not enough to win back the crowd. Another thing, I'm sure the crowd didn't enjoy was the eternity to took to get out of the parking lot. We were lucky enough to only spend an hour waiting. The Gay Best Friend was still there by the time I had dropped the Sports Fan at home, washed all the day's dirt off and was getting ready for bed.

Tuesday night was another fabulous night in the city. Had dinner with lots of people I like and some I really dont at Beluga. I had the most amazing Springbok fillet. Am still dreaming about it. Between Tuesday and Wednesday night, I have visited almost every gay bar on the pink strip. The Gay Best Friend has been moaning about the lack of good homo clubbing in his hometown of Durban. Because I have Catholic guilt, I agreed to take him dancing. I love gay bars but if see one more disco ball I will freak! Wednesday and Thursday were all about chillaxing. We had full body hot stone massages and paraffin waz pedis at a spa. Then we spent the next day in bed watching Will & Grace and eating leftover easter eggs. Bliss. The week has been ended off by watching 17 Again. Zac Efron! There are no words!

Except come of age, I feel dirty oogling you.

Today has been my last day of holiday and I spent it by going to the gym and buying things for my diet which I plan to resume soonish! Tomorrow will be spent attending a course and then heading to a farm for a birthday party. I'm only excited by one of those events.

All in all though, my love affair with the city has been spectacular and I cannot wait to have another tryst.

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!

Thanks to http://www.6000.co.za/; http://www.bizcommunity.com/; and http://www.capetowndailyphoto.com/ for the pictures.