Dear Future Boyfriend Part Thirteen

There are some things I’m not willing to compromise on. These things include lying, cheating, murdering, listening to Simply Red and stealing. I wish this was where my dealbreakers end. Sadly we all know I have some issues so it’s a long list. These are separated into various categories. Some I will deny their very existence (like sport shirts on any day other than match day) while others will lead me to try and not lose my cool but slowly make me resent you and the life we lead together. Sexy isn’t it. But I suppose if you are the one and all that nonsense I will live with these quirks as long as you don’t do any of the serious ones above and also can deal with me side-eying you for all eternity. Love ya!

In no particular order these are things/qualities/attributes I would rather you not possess. Do your best and play along:

Be mean to wait staff

Pick your nose in public (I wish I could say ever but baby steps)

Throw a cigarette butt out the window

Be a vegan (Vegetarian I can handle, vegans are so smug)

Not like sports

Make fun of my singing (I know I am tone deaf, I know I cannot hold a tune, I know I sound terrible but I love it)

Take off your shoes in a public place (by public I mean shopping centres, movie theatres, restaurants. Beaches, parks and most outdoors places are okay)

Sign off your mails with “Ciao”. Even worse spell it “Chow”

Try and pronounce quesadillas in a Mexican accent

Preferring the American version of The Office over the British version

  

Give away TV, book and movie spoilers

Need to hold my hand all the time

Not have a favourite Beatles song

Have no kissing skills

Do not celebrate Christmas

Not eat bacon

Say you don’t cook/clean because that’s woman’s work

Be a coffee snob

Not be prepared to do a karaoke duet of A Whole New World

Keep correcting me when I pronounce quinoa as “keenwa”. I know what I’m saying mofo

Understand if Henry Cavil ever comes a-knocking it’s gonna happen. And by it I mean lots of adult stuff

Not drink (you *will* judge me)

Be weird around gay guys (trust me they’re not into you)

Not give me shit about not liking avocados (they are weird and have no taste)

Don’t watch series and/or movies about superheroes or medieval times as you prefer “real stories”. Bitch please

Doesn’t read this blog ;)

Now come on and date me!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Things I Need In My Life Right Now

Are you there Trust Fund, it’s me, Allie. I desperately need you to make an appearance in my life. I need a couple of things in my life and as you can guess I am a little broke. Do your thang and please materialise, girl needs some new shoes.

This Knit Sweater

This is two-fold. 1. It’s a great song by The Doors. 2. It will save me a lot of time following boys around in clubs. Instead next time I see a hot guy, I can point and shirt and then whoop! There it is! True love.

These Boots

I realise this is an obscene amount of glitter. But seriously when is too much glitter EVER a problem. We all need some extra sparkle in our lives. By having and wearing these shoes, I am bringing joy to other people. And how can you hate on that.

Tutu Dress

I credit Sophia Grace and Rosie for bringing back the tutu dress But I found this amazing dress over on Superficial Girls. I need to know why we are not wearing these dresses more. Nipped in waist, great boobage and tulle skirts suit everyone. Every girl should have a grownup tutu dress.

Henry Cavil

Okay, no trust fund can buy him for me. *But* it can gift me with the ability to pay an underground syndicate to kidnap him and transport him to my private island where his Stockholm Syndrome will allow him to lavish attention and kisses on me daily.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh! 

Images from here, here, here and here. 

Things I've Realised...

...making homemade ravioli is fun and can be easy. If you have a pasta machine. Chefs and foodies are not messing around when they say the dough needs to be crazy thin. We started with what seemed like the Kate Moss thinness of pasta but turns out we really needed the Nicole Richie circa Skeletor era of thinness. A pasta machine would have also been handy 'cause rolling out those shapes is a bitch. But once you're filling then up and boiling them, then adding heaps of pasta sauce and then sprinkling Parmesan on, you forget about all the other things.

...Precious is one hectic movie. There are lots of hand-over-mouth and eyes-closed moments but there are also some funny moments and inspirational moments.

...you never need a reason to google Henry Cavill. But because he's been chosen as the new Superman, people are not as judgmental.

...when you have a crappy day pizza, a romcom, your roomie and some chocolate can make it all better. I tried this yesterday and went to bed in a happy place.

Hope everyone has a fab week.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Happiness is...

…looking at your bank balance and realizing you’re not overdrawn.

…the thought of the 30 Rock seasons 1 &2 boxsets waiting for you at home.

…spending a whole weekend relaxing with your gays and roomie.

…finding new fonts and designs to redo your blog.

…being treated to a latte by your boss.



…receiving a Marilyn Monroe canvas from your brother for no reason.

…listening to old CDs that takes you back to the first time you went to a club, had a cocktail or had a really good kiss.

…Glee!

…chicken prego rolls at lunch with your office besties.

…lying in bed with a steaming cup of milo and a good book.

…looking at Henry Cavill.


Images from here, here and here.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Trying to be Positive

So yesterday was officially renamed The Day From Hell. So many bad things happened and I was on the verge of tears too many times.

I don't want to relive any of it, so instead of wallowing in self-pity - which I did for most of the evening yesterday, by the way depressed does not go well with a wrap dress - I have decided to remain positive. Especially since after all my shit went down, I saw someone who clearly had real problems. That put mine into perspective.

So I did what any skinny bitch would do, I put on my big girl pants, extra mascara and some high, high heels and I'm dealing with it. Actually that's a lie, my pants are not that big ;).

So in order to be happy I'm going to list some things that make me happy. Please feel free to add to the list. Have a great Thursday!

Lattes from Vida



Chuck Bass


Lady Gaga's The Fame Monster


Glee



Henry Cavil

Roland Mouret's Galaxy Dress

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Award Season

My new obsession, apart from trying to find the perfect pair of gladiator sandals, is makeup. I have always worn makeup. Then I met two very special beauty therapists at my previous job and found out exactly how much one can do with makeup. Considering my new obsession, I am now besotted with makeup blogs. I’m loving the reviews, the trials and the opinions of bloggers. And frankly anyone who can use liquid eyeliner without smudging deserves a gold star in my book. I am still struggling. So thanks to all of you who have enlightened me with your makeup blogs. Keep on rocking!

So it is with great delight that I found out Skinny Bitches was nominated for an award. We love awards! And by a fabulous beauty blogger no less. (Go check out Eliza…her blog is faboosh).

Now here is what I have to do. Thank the person (Eliza, you rock) and then name 7 things that people might find interesting. I am also supposed to tag other blogs but I am very indecisive and cannot decide who gets what. So this once, if you feel you deserve the award, Gorgeous Blogger by the way, you can claim it!

*My ideal dinner party guests would include Madonna, Perez Hilton, Henry Cavill (just to look at, he doesn’t need to talk) and Carrie Bradshaw.

*I can fold my tongue in a weird shape. I used to think it was cool until someone told me it freaks them out. I feel like I have a superpower.

*My favourite X-men is Gambit.

*Whenever I wear new or pretty underwear I have an urge to show and tell people. I have been warned this is not appropriate behaviour particularly when at work or with a guy who is not gay. This makes me want to do it even more.

*I have sent through a postcard to Postsecret. It has yet to show up there. But I have identified with many of the secrets on there.

*I find numerous ways to say the phrase “crack-a-lacking” in conversations. I have even commandeered discussions so I can use it. I need help I know.

*I am thinking of deleting friends from Facebook if they keep on sending Farmville requests. If you're trying to avoid word, can't you be like me and blog rather ;)

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Monday's Mantra*

This week I'm getting paid. Hurrah!
I believe payday is the best and worst day of the month.
I'm addicted to walking past the perfume shop so I can keep my Henry Cavill obsession going.
I wish Green Eyes would stop it with the denial, Henry Cavill is mine! (I wish Blue Eyes wasn't so delusional - Green Eyes).
I'm jealous of the woman who obviously has too much money because she can afford to ride a motorbike in Louboutins.
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week Total Eclipse of the Heart

* My new excuse for posting pictures of Henry Cavill (from JustJared)

Feeling Bleh

I have absolutely no desire to do anything except check out my Facebook and eat cupcakes. Which means my blogging material is running low.

I blame the weekend. Actually make that the kick ass weekend. It was so much fun and that has been a big problem. You see last week was hectic work-wise. So all I could do was think about the weekend. Then it arrived and went in a blur of awesomeness. I want another one.

We started off the weekend by dressing like ladies and meeting the gang at Planet Bar. When I'm a proper grown up I am so totally going to spend a month's salary on a room at the Mount Nelson. On Saturday we went for spa treatments, which was more pain than pampering but any lady knows those waxes need to be done. Then it was time for some shopping. Saturday ended with a visit from the gays and dancing at Assembly (which is where all the hot guys have been hiding, why did no one tell me this). On Sunday, we all had brekkie and the mandatory visit to the parental units (more for the free lunch and "shopping" in the pantry). The evening was dedicated to cupcakes and Sex & The City.

Now I'm back at work and only the thought of the upcoming holiday is keeping me going. Wait that's actually a lie. There is one other thing. I was walking in Gardens Centre when suddenly I stopped at the fragrance shop. There in the window was a poster for what is now my new favourite obsession.



Henry Cavill for Dunhill. O.M.F.G I may need a napkin.

(If you want to feel happy all over, you can watch the advert for the fragrance as well here. Enjoy!)

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Wish List # 2 - Edward Cullen

For those people are who are not teenage girls or men, Edward Cullen needs no introduction.

Ever since Mr Darcy, the ladies of the world have been looking for more literature heroes that make us swoon and say all the right things. Of course there was Noah from The Notebook and Robbie Turner in Atonement, but the modern woman is never satisfied with just one. And so comes along Edward Cullen.

If you’ve devoured the Twilight book series like the Cullens family devour animal blood, you’ll need no reason for an explanation why we want him. Also since, Angel ended, we need our fill of hottie vampires.

First spotted in the Twilight novel published in 2005, Edward Cullen is an immortal, century-old vampire with Adonis-like looks and super human strength. There’s a lot going for a man that doesn’t age. Granted he’s not an uggo with date-rapist eyes. He’s been described as having golden eyes and full lips. All the better to see and taste you with?!

Excluding the vampire part, Edward is essentially an older man who drives an Aston Martin, has bags of money, rock hard abs and wouldn’t expect you to put out for some time. It’s the fear of the super human strength crushing you to death while you’re getting busy. A patient, sensitive stud with a hot car…please form an orderly queue ladies.

In 2008, no casting director did more for the leading-man starved female public, than by casting Robert Pattinson as Edward. The author, Stephanie Meyer had her hopes set on Henry Cavil though. You know that dark, brooding sex-on-legs from The Tudors. Unfortunately Cavil was the wrong side of 25 and thus Pattinson, who was last seen in one of the Harry Potter movies, was cast. After his magical and swoon-inducing performance, it’s hard to imagine why some fans protested against him. They obviously haven’t seen him without his shirt off.

Set to return in the remaining movie adaptations of the books, Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen is exactly what a skinny bitch needs.

Until we get him, here are some of our favourite Edward quotes:

“If I could dream at all, it would be about you.And I'm not ashamed of it.”

“I prefer brunettes.” (Skinny bitches note – our personal favourite!)

“I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist.” (Skinny bitches note – add your own name in place of Bella’s for kicks!)

“He called you pretty....that's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're much more than beautiful.”

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!