My Life In Gifs: Speed Dating Special

I am a happy single girl. Not one of those "why won't he love me", "when am I getting married", "why am I all alone", and the worse "I'll just get some cats". 

So when it comes to boys and dating I like it but I am not obsessed about being with someone. Saying that there are times when I want someone to hold my hand at the movies or make out with at bars or really just bring me coffee in bed and tell me I’m pretty. Usually my girls and gays give sufficient attention enough but hardly any of them will make out with me. So perhaps I need less selfish friends.

So along with one of my buddies we decided to try out speed dating. Now I am good at talking shit for 5 minutes with anyone but even I was nervous about this experience. But because I had nothing to lose (except my dignity) I doubled-up the gin and got my speed dating on.

Bachelor 1 – Hot Asian Guy

Now as you know I have a dream of one day having an Asian baby of my own. So you can imagine my joy when the first guy I sat down with was Asian. Not to mention a Hot Asian. It was like ding, ding, ding, jackpot! He was very sweet, a little nervous but he laughed at my jokes. Also we have a love of food blogs. Can you imagine our beautiful little Asian babies running around while we look at Desserts for Breakfast.

Bachelor 2 – The Good Guy

Next up was a guy whose family tree is filled with designers, fashion, graphic and interior. And then him. He chose to be a teacher. And not just any teacher, he helps the underprivileged. He visits Tsunami kids in Thailand and teaches sports outreach to kids in townships. Swoon! These may be all lines but trust me, they worked!

Bachelor 3 – The IT Guy

You know that IT guy in your company that is nice and all but there’s not much there and you’re only really chatting to them because they download Game of Thrones in HD; that was this guy. He was nice but unless I need new episodes of The Good Wife I don’t see love in our future.

Bachelor 4 – The Foreign Guy

Remember in the World Cup when there were all these cute guys from different countries and it was up to us girls to make them feel at home? Oh? Just me then? Whoops. Well at least I was a good ambassador. This guy travels around a lot and does year stints in different countries. I am sure we bonded but I think I was too distracted by his accent. If he were to call me and say random words, it would be a very long term relationship.

Bachelor 5 – The Hard-to-Read Guy

Sometimes when I go out to very hipster places I feel I have to act like them. Which means I have to be unimpressed and act nonchalant about all the cool things we are doing. Sometimes I really don’t care; sometimes I am pretending. That is how I felt about this guy. He was either very depressed to be there or playing so cool, he was Vanilla Ice. Also he doesn’t watch 30 Rock so that made up my mind.

Bachelor 6 – The Bleh Guy

Urggh. No words. Actually a few words. Do not give me lectures about 80s music. Do not get all offended when I don’t know the year Love Will Tear Us Apart was released. And do not look like a hot silver fox with a beard and delicious biceps whilst being a douche.

Bachelor 7 – The Prospective Guy

We bonded over the British version of The Office, we laughed about the people who go to Tiger (even though we both spent misguided years of our youth there), about the amount of Hen Parties at Decodance and how no one wants to hear play-by-play commentary on toddler’s bowel movements on Facebook. Me likey.

So for a first foray, I give speed-dating a big thumbs up!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

The Problem With TV According To Moi

TV shows used to be my escape from the world. While, when I’ve run out of cupcakes. So it saddens me that when I try to revisit a beloved TV show (i.e. spend a weekend re-watching it because I am broke and payday is a week away) I manage to find so many things wrong. So I have decided to compile a list of things my favourite TV shows have done wrong. And yes, it’s been a long-ass month of me having too little money and lots of time…

…The Gossip Girl Writers Think we’re stupid. 

Nate probably thinking 1 +1 =?

There is this moment in season 5 of GG where Serena’s dad says her brother Eric cannot come home for an event because he’s stuck in Zaire. And then Serena corrects him  by saying “I think it’s called the Democratic Republic of Congo now”. Like she knew that. Her dress is literally cut down to her navel but we’re expected to buy that she knows where it is and that there’s a country called the DRC. Bitch please. The other thing that really makes me mad because I take the journalism world so seriously is that Nate is running a publishing company. Nate…I realise he comes from a world of privilege and connections but this isn’t an assistant position. He is the editor in chief. And he has yet to finish college. Or *not* fuck any female character with the exception of his mother on the show. Nice one.  

…Carrie Planned Her Trip All Wrong.

This could have been avoided.

 I have watched the final season of Sex and the City way too many times. And after all the shit Big has put Carrie through, she deserves a fabulous older ex-ballet dancer who can provide a happy life filled with new adventures, aka The Russian. So when they meet, he is a famous artist who hasn’t done a show for years and has infinite time to spend with her. He gets a new show in Paris and invites her to move with him. All of a sudden he is working all the time and not there for her every moment. So girlfriend who is understandably a little homesick gets all weird in his grill and then they break up and Big arrives, blah blah blah. Now if I were Carrie, I’d realise, hey my boyfriend is about to embark on an artistic comeback, maybe he needs a bit of space. I’ll move countries when he’s closer to the opening and then when it’s done we can carry on living our amazing lives together. See, problem fixed.

…Debra Messing Cannot Dress For Shit On Smash

Intervention starts now.

Her character is a successful playwright with musicals on Broadway. She is trying to adopt a little Chinese baby. She also has a double-storey house. In Manhattan. She can afford to stop wearing ill-fitting cardigan shrug thingys and palazzo pants. Also, enough with the scarves.

…The Other Carrie Is Clearly Not Allergic to Sulphur

Glug, glug, glug

So I have a slight allergy to sulphur. Which means I cannot drink more than two glasses of wine before I turn into a sneezy, red-faced wreck. I once drank an entire bottle of sparkling wine in half an hour because of boy problems and the result was not pretty. So I take my wine slowly. Carrie on Homeland does not. Firstly it’s pronounced Kerri which is weird in itself. Secondly, she drinks the stuff like it’s water. Taking big ol’ gulps like she’s been in the dessert and shit. I have never ever seen anyone do that to wine before. It’s just not right or fun. And I once lost a drinking game in Thailand and had to drink a bucket of other people’s beer.

Anything bugging you?

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Images from here and here. 

Thailand in Pictures

First moments in Phuket after a 26 hour flight.

The beach in Patong.

The first hotel we stayed at.

Enjoying the first cocktails of the holiday.

Riding an elephant.

Chillin' with the baby elephants

Sunset cruise in Chalong.

Have to try out Starbucks.

Having fun at Phuket FantaSea

Meeting drag queens in Patong.

Skinny Bitches taking over Bangla Road.

Welcome to Phi Phi Island.

On our way to Maya Bay.

Doing our own usual of The Beach pose.

The infamous buckets.

Lanterns in Krabi.

Aonang Beach

Last night in Phuket!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

And We're Off...

After a year of planning, scrimping money, daily visits to TripAdvisor and crazy diets and gym visits, we're finally leaving for Thailand.

See you in two weeks!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

What To Do...

...when all you can think about is your holiday but you have a blog to maintain?

At the moment I'm deliriously happy and excited that in 5 days I'll be leaving on a jet plant for two weeks of beaches, boys and buckets full of cocktails. Unfortunately all that happiness does not lead to many entertaining blog posts. After all there's only so much your readers can handle before they think you're a smug bitch.

So since I'm facing a bit of blogger's block, I decided to write or rather copy and insert other things that make me happy.

It's one of my fashion bucket list items to own a pair of red sparkly shoes. Like Dorothy but sexier.

On a diet, although successful, and all I can think about is cupcakes. Praying they have amazing ones in Phuket so I can binge.

Christmas AKA the *best* time of the year. I think this year's going to be a goodie.

Ever since I saw Jasna rock this dress, it's all I can think about.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Images from here, here and here.

Things I'm Into...

…the Dukan Diet. With Thailand just over a month away and my thigh circumference increasing at an alarming rate, I knew I had to take drastic measures. After seeing my sister lose nine kilos in four months, I was very keen to try out this magic diet that let you eat as much as you want. In reality it’s all about eating as much proteins as you want and then introducing certain vegetables. I’m still on the Attack Phase where you can literally overdose on protein and so far it’s the easiest diet I have ever followed. Unless of course you count my See Food and Eat It Diet which I dominated  I’m still having cravings for sugar and am trying to accept that carbs are my enemy but it’s all in the name of beaches, buckets of cocktails and cheap shopping.

…Criminal Minds. A friend of mine introduced this to me and I am hooked. I’ve been watching back-to-back episodes and absolutely love it. Obviously I’m still far behind people in the real world but it’s still exciting. And can we all take a moment to appreciate Shemar Moore and all his talents. Especially the ones in his biceps.



…Garfunkel and Oates. A female comedy duo that write and sing songs. They’ve been around for ages but every now and again we need a reminder. Check out This Party Just Took A Turn For The Douche or my personal favourite Pregnant Women Are Smug.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

So...

...the bank account has been emptied, the gym is being visited countless times and I'm watching every morsel I eat. Yes, that Thailand holiday is finally happening. Yay!



Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

What To Do...

...when all you really want is to go on an island holiday. An island holiday where you spend all day blissfully lounging in the sun and wearing bikinis all day. An island holiday from where you come back with tan lines and wearing a stupid shell necklace and annoy people with phrases like "That's what I learnt in Phuket" and "Sorry, usually at this time we'd be having a foot massage in Bangkok."



What to do when you don't make enough money, cannot save and spend what little moolah you have on nachos and fancy coffees with vanilla shots: you take drastic measures aka you become a grownup.

I've decided if I'm ever going to go on that holiday I need to do some serious stuff. Problem is I'm constantly broke and for some reason I cannot save money. So I opened one of those adult bank accounts where money magically disappears as soon as it comes in. This usually happens when I get paid my salary anyway but at least now I know where it's going. I've also cut back on clothes and shoe shopping and going out. I keep telling myself I'll buy wardrobes full of clothes in Thailand and I'll party so hard I'll make The Hangover 2 look like child's play.


It's really hard and very tempting to fumble but I've got my eye on the prize!

Happy Friday!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Images from here, of course.

Things That Make Me Happy

*Being able to fit into my skinny jeans again.
If you’ve been following my Twitter stream, you’ll know that the Skinny Bitches undertook some drastic measures to lose some weight. Before you get all worried, it wasn’t anything like surgery or an eating disorder. Mostly because you know we have no money for liposuction. We decided we needed a little kick to get us motivated to really start eating healthy. So we decided to do the Royal Danish Hospital diet. If you’ve heard of it, you’ll know it’s pure protein and can make you lose up to 10 kgs. If you don’t know about it, it’ll basically put you off eggs, steak and carrots but at the end of the day you can wear your skinny jeans again. Which is exactly what happened to me. After 13 days of avoiding carbs, resisting all cravings and repeating “skinny bitch in the making” I finally weighed myself and found I was 5 kgs lighter which translates into fitting into my skinny jeans again! Hurrah!

*Cooking Again
After two weeks of bland steak and eggs, I couldn’t wait to start cooking again. And because of Mother’s Day yesterday I had the perfect excuse. I had to make a little something special for my momma (and myself of course) for all the stuff she does for me. So I opted for some butter chicken. I’ve made it before and loved it but this time I decided to go a little bit more extravagant and make a new version. There was also some garlic bread in lieu of naan bread. After dieting nothing tastes as good as home-cooked meal.

*Planning a Holiday
Nothing’s booked yet but there’s been lots of saving and getting bikini ready. Skinny Bitches will be hitting Thailand at the end of the year with some besties. Whoop Whoop!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!
Image from here.