F My Life

Do you ever feel like your life is just blah and nothing good ever happens. I used to feel like that all the time. Now I realize that I am on a journey and that fabulous lives just don’t happen overnight. I’ve only started to take an interest in my health, love life and job status so I’ve accepted that for the moment things will not be oh-so-marvelous. And if I’m honest, I actually have a faboosh life. I have amazing friends, my own car, a well-paying job and I live in the best city in the world. But since society defines you by health, wealth and love, I tend to jump off my high horse pretty quickly.

That was until I discovered my new favourite addiction. My new favourite website is http://www.fmylife.com. It’s been around for ages but I only cotton on recently. And it is amazing! People submit their crappy life moments and we all get to revel in them.

So if you’re in a horrible mood cos life is just not going your way, hop on over to the site and feel miles better. Here are some of my favourite fmylife posts:

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there.

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. (Skinny Bitches note – don’t see any problem with that!)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. \

Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly resembled sex sounds my wife makes. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night.

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago.

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time.

Today, I sent my girlfriend of 4 years a text message saying, 'I love you more than anything.' She then replies, 'Hahah! Was that a fucking joke?' I reply, 'No, why would it be?' She then replied, 'Cause I'm talking to the girl you've been cheating with me on for five months.'

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant".

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friend’s birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living.

Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day.

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!

I ♥ Cape Town

Because I work in an office in an uncool part of Cape Town, Observatory to be exact, there is nothing I relish more than having some time off from being an office administrator and enjoying Cape Town. If you have never been here, you won't understand. If you have, you'll understand perfectly. Remember in Sex and The City where Carrie says she's dating the city? Well Cape Town and I are having a scandalous affair. Unfortunately we cannot have a full-blown relationship as Cape Town has many lovers and as I rule I do not date Man Hos. But this week felt as if his wife had gone to visit her parents for the week and we didn't have to worry about being caught.

Starting with the public holiday on Monday, the girls and I headed on the scary N2 to Lourensford Wine Estate for the Coke Zero Fest. Armed with copius amounts of sunscreen, rockstar sun glasses and an '80s rock complilation, we arrived in the middle of the SA bands sets. I had an absolutely fabulous time despite the +30 degree heat. There was cheap booze, cute boys (many without shirts) and awesome music.

By the time Panic At The Disco came on stage, I had wrangled myself to the front of the area. This was great for catching glimspes of Brendon Urie (who I am soooooo in love with) but bad for stability. With the sun beating down hard in sweltering heat, I almost fainted. Eventually the Blonde Princess had to go and get me some sugar because there was no way I was giving up my spot so some 12-year-old emo girl could swoon over Brendon instead of me. And it was totally worth it, although they don't have a huge following in SA, Panic totally rocked the house. Snow Patrol were on next and by this time, my blood sugar levels were back up and the sun was setting. Gary, the lead singer has to be the most polite muscian ever or just very charming. He had 12 000 people hanging on his every word.

Without a doubt Snow Patrol were the highlight of the fest. And a tough act to follow. As Oasis found out. Their lacklustre performance meant I spent more time at the food stalls than listening. They almost redeemed themselves with Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova but it was not enough to win back the crowd. Another thing, I'm sure the crowd didn't enjoy was the eternity to took to get out of the parking lot. We were lucky enough to only spend an hour waiting. The Gay Best Friend was still there by the time I had dropped the Sports Fan at home, washed all the day's dirt off and was getting ready for bed.

Tuesday night was another fabulous night in the city. Had dinner with lots of people I like and some I really dont at Beluga. I had the most amazing Springbok fillet. Am still dreaming about it. Between Tuesday and Wednesday night, I have visited almost every gay bar on the pink strip. The Gay Best Friend has been moaning about the lack of good homo clubbing in his hometown of Durban. Because I have Catholic guilt, I agreed to take him dancing. I love gay bars but if see one more disco ball I will freak! Wednesday and Thursday were all about chillaxing. We had full body hot stone massages and paraffin waz pedis at a spa. Then we spent the next day in bed watching Will & Grace and eating leftover easter eggs. Bliss. The week has been ended off by watching 17 Again. Zac Efron! There are no words!

Except come of age, I feel dirty oogling you.

Today has been my last day of holiday and I spent it by going to the gym and buying things for my diet which I plan to resume soonish! Tomorrow will be spent attending a course and then heading to a farm for a birthday party. I'm only excited by one of those events.

All in all though, my love affair with the city has been spectacular and I cannot wait to have another tryst.

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!

Thanks to http://www.6000.co.za/; http://www.bizcommunity.com/; and http://www.capetowndailyphoto.com/ for the pictures.

oh no, I just ate the entire bunny....

OMG, right now I feel completely and utterly sick. The only thing that is saving me from turning green is the strong smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen as I type. But I just couldn't help myself. Let me explain myself, from the beginning.


Two of my bestest friends are Catholic and so each year lent dawns upon them, and me being a fabulous person (although notably not catholic), join in on the fasting of some luxury/indulgent 'thing'. The first year I can't remember what I gave up (probably swearing), the second it was Coca Cola (and yes I haven't touched it since, power to me), last year...mmm can't remember, and this year I unforgivenly gave up CHOCOLATE. Now I know what you're thinking, "stupid girl" and you're right. I should have given up sweets, vegetables, wearing jeans, but I didn't and it was too late for me to go back on my word and so the long month began. It went surprisingly well, even though at work I had two chocolate bars sitting in my desk drawer and the fact that my own mother kept 'accidentally' buying all things chocolate (as revenge I suspect). But the tables turned on thursday when, after a shit week at work, I caved in and had some early easter choccie. Did I feel guilty you ask? No, I was riding to high on those damm endorphins.



The problem came this morning when I woke to a little golden bunny with a red bow and bell around his neck. I think you all know what Im referring to, YES, my very own Lindt Bunny. Poor bunny didn't last very long as I started munching his ears, then tail and then suddenly 'poof' he was gone. Now I don't feel guilty for the bunny, I mean, he was created for the purpose of being eaten by someone who would appreciate him, someone like me. I just feel utterly gross now, like too much chocolate, way too fast can never be a good thing, even if it is Lindt. So now as I type this, im staring at the picture below this (of the bunnies) and I feel awful....I do not feel skinny, however I do feel like a glutton bitch.

A word to the wise....if you eat chocolate you will never become skinny...

B.E.

It's A (Loooong Easter) Weekend Baby!

Although there has been no progress on my greater goals I am in a fabulous mood.

My body is still impersonating that of a heifer, my job still sucks and I am still single. Also my roots badly need to be done. But as my bank balance has clearly been attacked by money pirates and my funds have disappeared I will be wandering the streets with half a head of chocolate brown hair and roots that look like they have been dunked in a coffee pot. Sexy huh!

On the bright side, it's a fabulous day in Cape Town, it's an extra long weekend and I have awesome plans. For starters, the Gay Best Friend is here from Durban. Cue lots of giggling and checking out cute boys. It's Easter, so a limitless supply of chocolate has descended upon my house. On Monday, is the Coke Zero Fest. Oasis, Snow Patrol, Panic at the Disco and a whole host of SA bands will be playing. I'm going with Blue Eyes, the Blonde Princess and the Sports Fan. I plan on attending in my best Kate Moss-at-Glastonbury outfit and being considerably drunk throughout. Also I get to finally see Brendan Urie from Panic in the flesh. He'll finally figure out we're meant to be.

And the other reason I'm also super happy, not forgetting the Will & Grace boxset I have yet to devour, is my heart songs. Inspired by Seth Rotherham's plea for his readers to send him their favourite gym songs, I have decided to post my favourite happy songs. These are the songs I could listent o all day and not get sick of. And no matter what, they always make me smile!

Green Eye's Top Ten Happy Songs

10. Counting Crows - Accidently In Love

9. Lipps Inc. - Funkt Town

8. Take That - Rule The World

7. The Cure - Friday I'm In Love

6. Belinda Carilisle - Leave A Light On

5. Captain and Tenille - Love Will Keep Us Together

4. Madonna - Cherish

3. Kenny Loggins - Footloose

2. ABBA - Waterloo

1. Depeche Mode - Just Can't Get Enough

Have a fabulous weekend and Easter!

Ex-oh! ex-oh!

Wish List # 3 - Jimmy Choo Clue

These Italian-made pieces of art are the best-selling shoe from the Jimmy Choo brand. These irresistible peep-toe, slingbacks make walking in platforms possible and sexy.

The classic black version has now been redone in watersnake leather and metallic shades.

They retail at ZAR8,500.00 and are available at the Cape Town Jimmy Choo Store.

Contact +27 21 418 8506 for more information.

Weekend Treat

Just a little something to get you into the weekend mood!

You can see all the images from Robert Pattinson's photo shoot and accompany interview with GQ here.

Enjoy !

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!

Working 9 to 5

There’s this Chris Rock comedy special where he explains the difference between people who have careers and people who have jobs. He colourfully states that people with careers make the people with jobs feel awful and should just shut the hell up about their working bliss. Unfortunately I fall into the latter category. I have a job. Not a career I wake up early for. Not a career I don’t mind working later for. And not a career I can snootily parade in front of others to make them feel bad. Btw, my dream career would be a features writer at a magazine. A little like The Devil wears Prada.

Sadly I got side-tracked in my third year of studies and opted for an easy way to feed my clothes and shoe addiction rather than trying to find something that even resembled what I remotely studied. My first real job, retail experience aside, was as a receptionist in a wellness centre. That’s a fancy term for a beauty spa. I have to admit that I was great at this job. I’m not being an arrogant bitch. It’s the truth; mostly because it’s wasn’t a hard job. I found the application of a little teeth and tits around clients worked wonders. If you can handle demanding consumers, deal with kids in the waiting area and advise on overly expensive face creams that rid the skin of acne, you would also be a receptionist supremeo. Unfortunately after too many beauty therapists bitching at each other, an unmotivating manager and seriously low wages, I left.

This was not a problem because I had another job lined up. I was actually going to be working at a magazine. My dream job. Then budget cuts struck. I was unceremoniously fired before I’d even signed a contract. In a moment of haste, I took the first job that came my way. Anything other than being a receptionist. And what did I end up being…a receptionist. Not to start off with. I’d originally just filled a position left by the Hot Mama who was on maternity leave. It was admin, it was easy and I was making a lot more. Months went by, they renewed my contract and all of a sudden I noticed a change. Their original receptionist wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. I thought she was sweet if a little special. Then with my admin and previous front of house experience, I was offered her job. And a pay increase. I shamelessly took my new position. After all, my new winter clothes were not going to pay for themselves. It’s almost been a year since that happened and now I still work in the same job doing the same thing I tried to leave all those months ago.

And now it’s really beginning to get to me. It’s not that I loathe the job or the company. It’s a great company; there are loads of perks plus I love the people I work with. There’s Hot Mama who is now preggers with her second child; the Social Butterfly who’s got a fabulous life I envy; Mr Uppity who is proud with no apologies (I love his comments about our less-than fabulous coworkers); and then there’s my boss, the Navy Seal. These are all people I’d really miss if I left. But if I don’t leave it’ll be like settling for Mickey Rourke when I could have Hugh Jackman. After all, when you’re an office administrator how much further can you go.

Those are just some of the bad things…the other thing that really makes me want to leave are some of the not-so-cool coworkers I have to deal with. I’m talking about the touchy-feely guy who stands behind me and watches what I do on my computer without any dignity. I can be doing my banking, checking out facebook or updating the company website and suddenly he’s there behind me. Having a look at my depleted savings fund or watching me tag my weekend pictures. Things are not helped by the fact that he resembles Eric Cartman. I swear if he wears a beanie in winter and zip-up top, I’ll wet myself.

Then there’s the guy dubbed Creepazoid. He is the sole reason I believe my death will occur during working hours at my place of business. He’s not a just a starer, but a super-starer. I can be on the other side of the office and I can feel his beady–eyes on me. I can be eating my breakfast at my desk and I can sense he’s watching me. I can be sharing a joke with my besties and he’s there, smiling along like he’s a part of the freakin’ group. It’s moments like these that I’m convinced he has the entire office bugged and when we think he’s listening to his Ipod, he’s merely making moves to distinguish where his next victim lives. At times I think I’m just being a bitch; that’s when I try and make an effort. Turns out I’m not a bitch, he’s just a weirdo. He’s tall, almost 30 and still dresses like a wannabe Eminem – doesn’t he know that sad, white boy rappers went out of style ages ago. He has no social skills and scares the bejesus out of me.

And I have to deal with him. Just like I have to deal with Cartman and his space issues (which he apparently doesn’t have). Just like I have to deal with answering phones, taking messages and ordering office supplies.

It’s called paying your dues. And when I’m done – is that a sunset I see in the horizon – I know I’ll be happy.

Now if only I didn’t have to bring a can of mace to work.

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!

Introduction to who us Skinny Bitches are!

So as we’ve just joined the cool club of bloggers, we thought we should introduce ourselves. Explain exactly why is it we’re not skinny, still living at home and are permanently broke, so here it goes:

Me, being Blue Eyes (for obvious reasons), am far from being skinny. Please see post about chocolate to understand why. But to be honest I still think I’d choose chocolate over being skinny, at least I will be happy and not hungry. My friend Green Eyes, she’s not skinny too, but she has awesome curves, fashion sense and killer boobs to make it work, I wish you could see her run across a street, it’s like something out of Sex and the City. Either way, I think we’re both pretty happier although Green Eyes is currently best buddies with a dietician and she’s gone all healthy on me (But I will get revenge, I know chocolate it her weakness…mwah ha ha).

Another sore topic is the fact that we’re both still living at home. It’s not that we hate being at home, it’s just that you can’t exactly be FABULOUS will you’re still being told to make your bed or clean up after yourself. I doubt whether Queens have that problem to deal with on a daily basis. We have this dream (which we hope will soon be a reality) to move into the Cape Town CBD . In our fabulous new home, we will have a pink kitchen, blue bathroom, purple/red & black sitting room and sexy, cute neighbours who dine with us on regular occasion. If you think we’re joking, well then you obviously haven’t seen us shopping up a storm at Canal Walk and spending hours talking over colour choices at Seattle. And if you’re wondering, YES! Pink, blue, purple/red & black will work together.

So this brings me to the next sore point; CASH FLOW. Maybe this is a problem because we’re spendaholics, or because we like to eat out or maybe it’s just a direct reflexion of the fact that we’re newbies within the big wide working world. Me, personally, going with the last excuse. Green Eyes has been working for the last year and a bit for an online marketing agency where she has turned their world fashionably upside side. As if you haven’t guessed, she’d like (or should I say love) to be a fashion journalist or writer for a magazine and I’m proud to say she’s working on it…so watch this space. Me, I recently started working within the advertising world and am not complaining. Great people, great environment and a good stepping stone. Ultimately I want to be in marketing as a Brand manager… ideally for Lindt Chocolate.

Well, that’s a brief introduction to us Skinny Bitches (in the Making), there’s lot more to tell and give away…but that will all come later. We hope you love our blog as much as we do. We get the biggest kick out of hanging around each other and dreaming our lives away and we hope you will too.
Happy reading…

B.E.

Wish List # 2 - Edward Cullen

For those people are who are not teenage girls or men, Edward Cullen needs no introduction.

Ever since Mr Darcy, the ladies of the world have been looking for more literature heroes that make us swoon and say all the right things. Of course there was Noah from The Notebook and Robbie Turner in Atonement, but the modern woman is never satisfied with just one. And so comes along Edward Cullen.

If you’ve devoured the Twilight book series like the Cullens family devour animal blood, you’ll need no reason for an explanation why we want him. Also since, Angel ended, we need our fill of hottie vampires.

First spotted in the Twilight novel published in 2005, Edward Cullen is an immortal, century-old vampire with Adonis-like looks and super human strength. There’s a lot going for a man that doesn’t age. Granted he’s not an uggo with date-rapist eyes. He’s been described as having golden eyes and full lips. All the better to see and taste you with?!

Excluding the vampire part, Edward is essentially an older man who drives an Aston Martin, has bags of money, rock hard abs and wouldn’t expect you to put out for some time. It’s the fear of the super human strength crushing you to death while you’re getting busy. A patient, sensitive stud with a hot car…please form an orderly queue ladies.

In 2008, no casting director did more for the leading-man starved female public, than by casting Robert Pattinson as Edward. The author, Stephanie Meyer had her hopes set on Henry Cavil though. You know that dark, brooding sex-on-legs from The Tudors. Unfortunately Cavil was the wrong side of 25 and thus Pattinson, who was last seen in one of the Harry Potter movies, was cast. After his magical and swoon-inducing performance, it’s hard to imagine why some fans protested against him. They obviously haven’t seen him without his shirt off.

Set to return in the remaining movie adaptations of the books, Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen is exactly what a skinny bitch needs.

Until we get him, here are some of our favourite Edward quotes:

“If I could dream at all, it would be about you.And I'm not ashamed of it.”

“I prefer brunettes.” (Skinny bitches note – our personal favourite!)

“I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist.” (Skinny bitches note – add your own name in place of Bella’s for kicks!)

“He called you pretty....that's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're much more than beautiful.”

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!

Oh for the love of...Shoes!

As blue eyes has already mentioned, shoes play a big, big role on our wishlist. They inspire confidence and power beyond the height that they provide, enhance our shape and look pretty. They're also really easy to get wrong - there are SO many fugly shoes out there. So, as potential Queens of the World would have to wear the best, what are the best shoes in the world? The quest commences for the best that money can buy (which we need to point out might be very expensive but aren't necessarily the most expensive).

If we're going for the absolute best, there are only three brands to consider - all of them designed and made by artists and craftsmen.

Manolo Blahnik

Much loved by Carrie in Sex and the City, the Manolo brand originated in London and was launched in 1971. Mentors to Blahnik and the influential people that we have to thank for encouraging his talent are the late, greats Diana Vreeland (American Vogue's legendaray editor) and Ossie Clark (the designer of the 70's).

Jimmy Choo

The Jimmy Choo brand of luxury shoes and other accessories was launched in 1996 by Tamara Mellon, company director (previously British Vogue's accessories editor) and Jimmy Choo himself, an East London shoe-maker. Celebrities love them for their bling-bling appeal and up-to-the-minute trends on the red carpet.

Christian Louboutin My personal favourite, these beauties are characterised with deep red soles - flashing a glimpse of scarlet as one walks. Christian Louboutin, the man, is a French designer who has recently branched out into handbags.

images from http://www.christianlouboutin.com/; http://www.jimmychoo.com/; http://www.manoloblahnik.com/.