Dear Future Boyfriend

Dear Future Boyfriend

As someone who is happily single I have found myself surprisingly warming up to the idea of having a significant other. I hear a lot of good things from friends and work colleagues and then there’s the pop culture influence that always weighs heavy on me. Who wouldn’t want a guy like Jim from The Office and Bruno Mars would catch a frikkin’ grenade for you. Hello, these are clearly eligible boys.

But before I actually commit to anything serious or even begin to think about sharing my life, my thoughts, my food I want the lucky (?) guy out there to be perfect. Now it’s a lot to ask but hopefully if this is my one true love they’ll understand. So Future Boyfriend, wherever you are, please adhere to the following guidelines:

*I like attention so if you have a guitar and/or a piano, please sing to me. I’d prefer in the privacy of my own home but elaborate scenes like the one in 10 Things I Hate About You could also work. If you are looking for a good song choice, Elvis Costello does one with my name in it otherwise something rocking like You Shook Me All Night Long would be totally hot. If you’re looking for songs to avoid anything by Eric Clapton because some of his songs are about another man’s wife and John Mayer ‘cause he makes sex faces when he sings them.

*If we go out for nachos and I’ve told you to order your own plate because I have a deep relationship with food, do it. If you don’t and eat off my plate I will go diva. Think about how much you like your kneecaps and how sad it will be if you guys had to part. Seriously, this relationship I have with food is for reals.

*I don’t plan on kissing you near your ears. So I won’t mind if you don’t reciprocate. This is an issue that stems from when I worked at a beauty spa and saw someone having their ears candled. It’s not a pretty process and the amount of wax that is in your ear freaks me out. So let’s avoid that area.

*Pet names can rock. I love when people call me princess, miss thang or even just skinny. You and I will need to work on our pet names. Babe is too overused and lovey gives me the chills. It would be nice to have a secret one only we’d get but with that comes the elaborate story we’d have to tell our friends and then it ruins that whole exclusivity vibe. So to make it easier on you (‘cause so far I haven’t) I’ll settle for My Girl or My Lady or even My Hot Sexy Bitch but with that last one the first two parts are uber important.

If this hasn’t scared you off Future Boyfriend, then I’ll know you’re the one.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Things That Need to Be Invented Like Now

Part 1

Me after a night out - just not as composed.

*Some sort of device that prevents me from going to sultry and alluring with straight hair and dark smokey eyes to frizzy hair hastily tied up and raccoon eyes. Before I go out dancing I spend hours with a GHD and lots of time and patience trying to use a liquid liner successfully. And in the end all I end up with is pictures on Facebook of me trying to pull off heroin chic and failing miserably. If the people who owned clubs have some sort of misty thing that kept hair from doubling in size and that could also prevent my face from becoming all shiny, my life would be complete.

*Bad Kisser Detector. Meeting eligible boys these days is hard work. You never know who may be a douche, who may have a girlfriend or even worse who listen to Nickelback that sometimes you need to need to test out the waters before committing to anything serious. I’ve always thought that Cher was a bit frivolous with her “It’s in his kiss” thing but now it turns out that she’s right. I’ve found that no matter how good-looking a guy can be, or how much he can make you laugh if he’s a bad kisser things do not go much further. Therefore if I’m going to spend time holding in my stomach and listening to his ramblings I would like to know that it’s going to pay off. I do not have time to waste on washing machines and darting tongues. Also ladies if you happen to stumble upon a bad kisser, please do not send him back out into the wild. You have to let him know, in the kindest way you can. Shouting “why are you attacking my mouth” is not one of my proudest moments.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!
Image from here.

A Fine Romance

So it happened sometime before Christmas, I was wrapping presents and watching Love Actually. My Christmas movie of choice when one of my favourite parts occurred. Or what used to be one of my favourite parts.

You see in the recent months things I have found romantic have somewhat waned and I long for movies that tell the truth like He's Just Not That Into You and Up In the Air. Romantic comedies with real-life endings. So when the guy who's in love with his best friend's wife shows up with cue cards professing she's perfect, part of me, went "lame" while the older cheese-lover inside of me went "awwww".

At that moment I didn't think the gesture was romantic, I thought it was too much. In my reality, if he had shown up with a pizza the boy would have gotten some, not just a sad kiss on the cheek. Therefore in case there are any future boyfriends out there or if Bradly Cooper has woken up and realised he belongs with me, here is my list of new romantic norms. This is what will get my heart racing and make me smile:

*Pay off my credit card. Seriously I have a little problem - what others call a spending addiction but I’m not big into labels- with money when I have it, I tend to use it. For some reason I cannot comprehend the term “saving”. Also I have big dreams of being Oprah rich so I tend to live like my bank account is full of moolah when really it’s in the overdraft stages. Therefore any man who’s willing to surprise me with a bank deposit slip is getting lucky.

*Accept my quirks. Now I don’t do or have any weird things that I’m ashamed of like offering up sacrifices to the moon god naked or watching Two and a Half Men (if I ever do any of those, you’re free to bounce) but I do have things that not many people understand. So I’ll need you to leave me alone when I’m watching Come Dine With Me because for some reason I prefer to watch it by myself; and I’ll need you to not judge when I eat an entire jar of gherkins by myself (you should proud if anything) and if for some reason we’re together when Making Love Out of Nothing At All is playing let me sing the "I can make the runner stumble. I can make the final block. And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle. I can make all the stadiums rock” by myself. Mainly because most people don’t do it justice.

*Bring me presents. And I don’t mean flowers. I mean things I can actually use. Like nail polish remover, I always forget to buy that and let me tell you, chipped nails are not good. Also cheese, because it’s a tasty treat, it makes me happy, gives me some much-needed calcium and feta always makes things better.

*Acknowledge my beauty routine. And I’m not talking about a two week stay at a fat farm. The little things count. I have really thick long hair so to wash it, dry it and then GHD it takes forever. Telling me it’s looking shiny, healthy and straight would be amazing. Saying you cannot see my split ends would be a lie but also would mean so much.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Image from here.

Back To Blogging

After an amazing holiday and break I’m back at work, back to blogging and feeling pretty good.

I hope everyone had a lovely festive season. Mine consisted of eating way too much delish food, praying it would go unnoticed at beach and avoiding the gym. I also spent lots of time with friends and the family and enjoying the fabulousness of Cape Town.

I also managed to try many new things throughout the holiday which I’ll be posting in the next few days.

But for the moment, it’s been great just catching up on all the blogs. Have missed you guys.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Christmas Shopping Time

Now that I’m holiday, the Christmas spirit can truly begin. I’ll be using my time to watch cheesy festive movies, sing carols by candlelight and drink lots of wine. I’ll also try and brave the shops for some shopping. I have a big family and an even bigger circle of besties that need a little something something ;)

As much as I love this time of year, I know shopping will be an insane experience. So I’ve decided to set up a little list of items that I will be on the hunt for. Perhaps these can help some of you out. Also please feel free to send in suggestions.

For the boys in my life…and by boys I mean my gays. I definitely need to reward these guys for sticking by me when I’m drunk, sad or feeling fat. They make me smile, they cook me dinner and bring me new episodes of Glee.


The Selby Is In Your Place is a collection of stylish profiles featuring the oh-so-marvelous peeps in the fashion, design and art industries shot by the genius that is Todd Selby.

The next idea is to keep them super savvy for Cape Town summer. How fab are these boat shoes by Bronx. I’m really loving this grey colour, a nice change from the usual brown. Super affordable and super stylish.

For the girls in my life…you’ve drooled over Bradley Cooper with me, told me I look fabulous at a club at 2 in the morning when I’ve got mascara stains on my cheeks and don’t judge when I have two desserts. Luv ya bitches!

This is one of those items that I would love very much to receive myself…so in case you didn’t hear it drop, that was a hint ;) This butterfly dress from Sissy Boy is so cute. It’s pretty and versatile enough to wear to work or out on the town.

I was browsing over on Spence the other day when I came across this great anchor necklace by Steffany Roup.

For the fandamily it’s a little hard as there are so many of us. So these ideas are some stocking fillers:

Soon I'll be posting my Christmas wish list.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

In the Past Two Weeks...

Things have been unusually busy in my life recently. Some of it for fabulous reasons and some for not-so-fabulous reasons. As a result my Twitter and blog have suffered. There have been many blog-worthy moments happening, just no time to actually document them. So to catch everyone up, here is what I’ve been up to:

…I’ve gone to our office year-end parties where I dressed up as an angel, stayed out till 4.30 am, kissed a boy with an accent and still woke up with no hangover.

…I’ve received an awesome hamper courtesy of NoMu. Along with Samma Designs, we entered their Aficionado pin-up competition and managed to win with our Mad Men-esque photoshoot.


…I’ve doubled my cinema visits of the past four months by going to watch The Chronicles of Narnia and Harry Potter.

…I’ve been to two fabulous events. Including the intimate launch of Vintage Lifestyle online magazine at Starlings coffee shop in Rondebosch and the press day at Press Stick’s new Press Room. I got a preview of the autumn collections for Witchery, Sissy Boy and Sunglass Hut. I also got a media pack which included a voucher for a free massage. Much-needed after this crazy time.

…I was one of three fashion bloggers to take part in a O Magazine photo shoot along with Dimi from Style Scoop and Miss Milli. I’ll be featured in the March issue talking all about Cape Town style.

…I’ve managed to put up the Christmas tree in the flat, decorated the fireplace and bookcase with holly and hung our stockings. I even know what I’ll be contributing to my family’s Christmas lunch. But I have yet to buy one present for a friend or family member. In fact, the thought of going to the shops scares me.

…no matter how full the diary is looking or how low the bank balance is dropping, this is definitely my favourite time of year. Things I’m looking forward to are going on leave later this week, hanging out with my gay best friends at Mother City Queer Project, tanning on the beach, singing carols by candlelight and welcoming my best friend to Cape Town.

What have you guys been up to?

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

An Open Letter To...

…the creators of chick-flicks. You have ruined my life. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy your movies immensely, I watch them all the time and thus have a horrible romantic life.

I waste so much time looking for guys with sparkly skin or secret royal lineages in the hope that I can be the one who makes a difference in their lives, you know be “the only thing that’s real” or at least get them to go outside and strip. Shiny things make me happy.

I am probably ignoring dozens of perfectly eligible men because I’m on the lookout for boys with posh British accents who are willing to partake in sad attempts of fighting for my honour. Never mind that these same guys will cheat on me with skinny-ass tanned women or that they prefer a little something-something from ladies of the night, Hugh Grant I’m talking to you, I’m hooked.

I dance my ass off at clubs because I have come to believe many hot guys are not only sensitive souls but can also bust a move and one day we’ll end up doing choreography in a street together.

I want to wait in the rain because I’ve learnt not only will I look radiant and my mascara won’t run but that guy, the one that got away will find me and we’ll have a moment and kiss and totally ignore the fact my shirt is see-through.

You have convinced me that a kiss is a gazillion times better when it’s accompanied by a killer soundtrack. Also running into each other’s arms makes for great dramatic moments. On a side-note, have you ever tried that? It’s hard to master and if you’re out of sync, teeth bash, foreheads bump and someone lands up on the floor.

I also fear that when I do find love without an elaborate gesture I may not believe it. If there is no guy with cue cards telling me I’m perfect or a John Cusack look-a-like holding up a classic 80s song on a boombox, how will I know if it’s real. If a guy is not willing to slay an evil sea witch or go to prison ‘cause some little bitch of a sister falsely accused him of something then I’m gonna eject his ass.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Image from here.

Things I've Realised...

…I cannot keep blaming changing room mirrors, clothes that seem to shrink in the washing machine, bad genes and random skinny bitches for the fact that I’m overweight. At some point I need to put down the cheese and admit that I don’t work out enough or eat right. It’s taken scary photos at bad angles and skinny jeans bursting at the seams to make me realize that I need to re-think my habits. Any suggestions on how to motivate myself would be gladly appreciated.

…I’m getting closer to a happier work life. I could even say I was on my way to starting my desired career. Things are changing slowly and at times they barely move but they’re looking up. I have some very exciting things to look forward to and hopefully one day I can say “I love what I do!”

…I need a financial adviser. Every month I swear I’m gonna stick to my budget and save more money. Come the middle of the month and I have to do some stealing, um shopping at my parent’s place, restrict the social gatherings and go without new pretty things in my wardrobe. What’s even worse when I panic about not having enough money I tend to spend more. In my mind, spending calms me down and makes it all okay.

…I will definitely be making new year’s resolutions next year. I plan to stop being late for everything and instead be 5 minutes early. Except for fashion events, for those I’ll be a little bit late, tis the fashionable thing to do! I also resolve to be one of those annoyingly happy people. My optimism will be so great, you’d think it can cure cancer. Hopefully it will also be contagious and make a difference and all that nonsense :)

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

This Week I...

...went to see South Africa play USA.


Last week Wednesday The Nelson Mandela Challenge was held at Cape Town Stadium. Bafana Bafana, in their first Cape Town game in several years, took on USA.


Along with Blue Eyes, my gays and the family we headed to the stadium via the Fan Walk. The city centre was filled with yellow as over 50 000 fans made their way to the stadium. It reminded me a lot of the world cup and was great to see so many supporters. It was also awesome to be able to sing the national anthem with a gazillion other supporters. Plus there were lots of cute boys :)


The evening started with an address by President Jacob Zuma and then the game started. I thought South Africa played a lot better than the USA but had trouble finishing. At the end, the Americans won 1-0.



Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Happy Friday!

I absolute love the 'Advice of from a Cartoon Princess' series on Youtube.
This is the latest one and it's hilarious.



Have a great Friday!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!