Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Things That Need to Be Invented Like Now

Part 1

Me after a night out - just not as composed.

*Some sort of device that prevents me from going to sultry and alluring with straight hair and dark smokey eyes to frizzy hair hastily tied up and raccoon eyes. Before I go out dancing I spend hours with a GHD and lots of time and patience trying to use a liquid liner successfully. And in the end all I end up with is pictures on Facebook of me trying to pull off heroin chic and failing miserably. If the people who owned clubs have some sort of misty thing that kept hair from doubling in size and that could also prevent my face from becoming all shiny, my life would be complete.

*Bad Kisser Detector. Meeting eligible boys these days is hard work. You never know who may be a douche, who may have a girlfriend or even worse who listen to Nickelback that sometimes you need to need to test out the waters before committing to anything serious. I’ve always thought that Cher was a bit frivolous with her “It’s in his kiss” thing but now it turns out that she’s right. I’ve found that no matter how good-looking a guy can be, or how much he can make you laugh if he’s a bad kisser things do not go much further. Therefore if I’m going to spend time holding in my stomach and listening to his ramblings I would like to know that it’s going to pay off. I do not have time to waste on washing machines and darting tongues. Also ladies if you happen to stumble upon a bad kisser, please do not send him back out into the wild. You have to let him know, in the kindest way you can. Shouting “why are you attacking my mouth” is not one of my proudest moments.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!
Image from here.