Thursday, June 11, 2009

I Love You Like A Fat Kid Loves Cake

You know when Oprah is moaning on and on about her weight and you wish it was a Favourite Things show. I used to be like that. But I was avoiding the issue. You see Oprah mentioned countless times on her show, that she had a food addiction. And the reason people don't loose weight or eat when they are not hungry is because they are addicted to food.

And so I stand up, Hi, I'm Green Eyes and I'm a food addict. Actually I'm not just an addict, I'm a Fat Kid.

The urban dictionary defines a fat kid as any person who, regardless of age, sex or stature, adores food with every fiber of their being. Note that being a fat kid does not imply anything about a person's weight; it is purely a state of mind.

So instead of just being a fine connoisseur of worldly cheese, I'll eat it like it's my occupation. But let's be honest, a little bit of cheese on something tastes amazing. Which is probably why my diet hasn't been much of a success. Initially I was all about sticking to the diet and losing weight. After the first four kilos and being able to fit into my skinny jeans again, I got a little sidetracked. I struggle with discipline so cheating on a diet with me is a prerequisite. And the way I justify it is pathetic.

After a 45 minute cardio session, I think I deserve a cheeseburger. If I've managed to stick to four, even five gym visits a week, I have a slice of white bread or even better feta. I'm a whore for cheese! When it comes to work, a snack will help me through the day. Dinner should be followed by dessert which is why after a completely healthy and balanced Low GI dinner, I'll try not to open the freezer and steal some ice cream without making a sound. I've almost mastered it.

And now, my fake diet and constant cheating have caught up with me. Although I'm short and it's harder for me to lose weight, I should not be doing it so slowly. My dietitian did some calculations and I should be without a couple more kilos than I currently am. So I decided to get tough on myself. Otherwise I'm just wasting everyone's time and my own money seeing a dietitian.

So the month of June was decreed No Cheating Month. This way at the end of the month I will be able to determine whether I'm not losing enough weight because I have a slower metabolism or whether it's the countless cups of milo or salt and vinegar lays. It is now day 11. So far I have managed to not fall into temptation and it's taken what little willpower I have to do it. It's getting harder with the constant stream of birthdays we have in the office. And let me tell you, if at the end of this I am not at least two kilos down, I will attacking the next birthday cake. Seriously they're going to have to bring in security after I'm done with it.

20 more days till my next weigh-in. Wish me luck!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!