Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Lust-Have List

I've tortured myself again by having a swizz over on Net-A-Porter. This time it’s seriously painful. Below are three items that I’m about to mortgage my parents house for.

First up is this stretch dress from Victoria Beckham.

Must-have heels from Alexander McQueen. How cute are this lace pumps.
I love a big bag and this vintage satchel-like bag from ChloƩ is like love at first sight.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Dear Future Boyfriend

Dear Future Boyfriend

As someone who is happily single I have found myself surprisingly warming up to the idea of having a significant other. I hear a lot of good things from friends and work colleagues and then there’s the pop culture influence that always weighs heavy on me. Who wouldn’t want a guy like Jim from The Office and Bruno Mars would catch a frikkin’ grenade for you. Hello, these are clearly eligible boys.

But before I actually commit to anything serious or even begin to think about sharing my life, my thoughts, my food I want the lucky (?) guy out there to be perfect. Now it’s a lot to ask but hopefully if this is my one true love they’ll understand. So Future Boyfriend, wherever you are, please adhere to the following guidelines:

*I like attention so if you have a guitar and/or a piano, please sing to me. I’d prefer in the privacy of my own home but elaborate scenes like the one in 10 Things I Hate About You could also work. If you are looking for a good song choice, Elvis Costello does one with my name in it otherwise something rocking like You Shook Me All Night Long would be totally hot. If you’re looking for songs to avoid anything by Eric Clapton because some of his songs are about another man’s wife and John Mayer ‘cause he makes sex faces when he sings them.

*If we go out for nachos and I’ve told you to order your own plate because I have a deep relationship with food, do it. If you don’t and eat off my plate I will go diva. Think about how much you like your kneecaps and how sad it will be if you guys had to part. Seriously, this relationship I have with food is for reals.

*I don’t plan on kissing you near your ears. So I won’t mind if you don’t reciprocate. This is an issue that stems from when I worked at a beauty spa and saw someone having their ears candled. It’s not a pretty process and the amount of wax that is in your ear freaks me out. So let’s avoid that area.

*Pet names can rock. I love when people call me princess, miss thang or even just skinny. You and I will need to work on our pet names. Babe is too overused and lovey gives me the chills. It would be nice to have a secret one only we’d get but with that comes the elaborate story we’d have to tell our friends and then it ruins that whole exclusivity vibe. So to make it easier on you (‘cause so far I haven’t) I’ll settle for My Girl or My Lady or even My Hot Sexy Bitch but with that last one the first two parts are uber important.

If this hasn’t scared you off Future Boyfriend, then I’ll know you’re the one.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Things That Need to Be Invented Like Now

Part 1

Me after a night out - just not as composed.

*Some sort of device that prevents me from going to sultry and alluring with straight hair and dark smokey eyes to frizzy hair hastily tied up and raccoon eyes. Before I go out dancing I spend hours with a GHD and lots of time and patience trying to use a liquid liner successfully. And in the end all I end up with is pictures on Facebook of me trying to pull off heroin chic and failing miserably. If the people who owned clubs have some sort of misty thing that kept hair from doubling in size and that could also prevent my face from becoming all shiny, my life would be complete.

*Bad Kisser Detector. Meeting eligible boys these days is hard work. You never know who may be a douche, who may have a girlfriend or even worse who listen to Nickelback that sometimes you need to need to test out the waters before committing to anything serious. I’ve always thought that Cher was a bit frivolous with her “It’s in his kiss” thing but now it turns out that she’s right. I’ve found that no matter how good-looking a guy can be, or how much he can make you laugh if he’s a bad kisser things do not go much further. Therefore if I’m going to spend time holding in my stomach and listening to his ramblings I would like to know that it’s going to pay off. I do not have time to waste on washing machines and darting tongues. Also ladies if you happen to stumble upon a bad kisser, please do not send him back out into the wild. You have to let him know, in the kindest way you can. Shouting “why are you attacking my mouth” is not one of my proudest moments.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!
Image from here.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

A Fine Romance

So it happened sometime before Christmas, I was wrapping presents and watching Love Actually. My Christmas movie of choice when one of my favourite parts occurred. Or what used to be one of my favourite parts.

You see in the recent months things I have found romantic have somewhat waned and I long for movies that tell the truth like He's Just Not That Into You and Up In the Air. Romantic comedies with real-life endings. So when the guy who's in love with his best friend's wife shows up with cue cards professing she's perfect, part of me, went "lame" while the older cheese-lover inside of me went "awwww".

At that moment I didn't think the gesture was romantic, I thought it was too much. In my reality, if he had shown up with a pizza the boy would have gotten some, not just a sad kiss on the cheek. Therefore in case there are any future boyfriends out there or if Bradly Cooper has woken up and realised he belongs with me, here is my list of new romantic norms. This is what will get my heart racing and make me smile:

*Pay off my credit card. Seriously I have a little problem - what others call a spending addiction but I’m not big into labels- with money when I have it, I tend to use it. For some reason I cannot comprehend the term “saving”. Also I have big dreams of being Oprah rich so I tend to live like my bank account is full of moolah when really it’s in the overdraft stages. Therefore any man who’s willing to surprise me with a bank deposit slip is getting lucky.

*Accept my quirks. Now I don’t do or have any weird things that I’m ashamed of like offering up sacrifices to the moon god naked or watching Two and a Half Men (if I ever do any of those, you’re free to bounce) but I do have things that not many people understand. So I’ll need you to leave me alone when I’m watching Come Dine With Me because for some reason I prefer to watch it by myself; and I’ll need you to not judge when I eat an entire jar of gherkins by myself (you should proud if anything) and if for some reason we’re together when Making Love Out of Nothing At All is playing let me sing the "I can make the runner stumble. I can make the final block. And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle. I can make all the stadiums rock” by myself. Mainly because most people don’t do it justice.

*Bring me presents. And I don’t mean flowers. I mean things I can actually use. Like nail polish remover, I always forget to buy that and let me tell you, chipped nails are not good. Also cheese, because it’s a tasty treat, it makes me happy, gives me some much-needed calcium and feta always makes things better.

*Acknowledge my beauty routine. And I’m not talking about a two week stay at a fat farm. The little things count. I have really thick long hair so to wash it, dry it and then GHD it takes forever. Telling me it’s looking shiny, healthy and straight would be amazing. Saying you cannot see my split ends would be a lie but also would mean so much.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Image from here.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Back To Blogging

After an amazing holiday and break I’m back at work, back to blogging and feeling pretty good.

I hope everyone had a lovely festive season. Mine consisted of eating way too much delish food, praying it would go unnoticed at beach and avoiding the gym. I also spent lots of time with friends and the family and enjoying the fabulousness of Cape Town.

I also managed to try many new things throughout the holiday which I’ll be posting in the next few days.

But for the moment, it’s been great just catching up on all the blogs. Have missed you guys.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!