Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Dear Future Boyfriend Part Thirteen

There are some things I’m not willing to compromise on. These things include lying, cheating, murdering, listening to Simply Red and stealing. I wish this was where my dealbreakers end. Sadly we all know I have some issues so it’s a long list. These are separated into various categories. Some I will deny their very existence (like sport shirts on any day other than match day) while others will lead me to try and not lose my cool but slowly make me resent you and the life we lead together. Sexy isn’t it. But I suppose if you are the one and all that nonsense I will live with these quirks as long as you don’t do any of the serious ones above and also can deal with me side-eying you for all eternity. Love ya!

In no particular order these are things/qualities/attributes I would rather you not possess. Do your best and play along:

Be mean to wait staff
Pick your nose in public (I wish I could say ever but baby steps)
Throw a cigarette butt out the window
Be a vegan (Vegetarian I can handle, vegans are so smug)
Not like sports
Make fun of my singing (I know I am tone deaf, I know I cannot hold a tune, I know I sound terrible but I love it)
Take off your shoes in a public place (by public I mean shopping centres, movie theatres, restaurants. Beaches, parks and most outdoors places are okay)
Sign off your mails with “Ciao”. Even worse spell it “Chow”
Try and pronounce quesadillas in a Mexican accent
Preferring the American version of The Office over the British version


Give away TV, book and movie spoilers
Need to hold my hand all the time
Not have a favourite Beatles song
Have no kissing skills
Do not celebrate Christmas
Not eat bacon
Say you don’t cook/clean because that’s woman’s work
Be a coffee snob
Not be prepared to do a karaoke duet of A Whole New World
Keep correcting me when I pronounce quinoa as “keenwa”. I know what I’m saying mofo
Understand if Henry Cavil ever comes a-knocking it’s gonna happen. And by it I mean lots of adult stuff
Not drink (you *will* judge me)
Be weird around gay guys (trust me they’re not into you)
Not give me shit about not liking avocados (they are weird and have no taste)
Don’t watch series and/or movies about superheroes or medieval times as you prefer “real stories”. Bitch please
Doesn’t read this blog ;)

Now come on and date me!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!