Monday, September 30, 2013

Three Ways the Cosmo and Marie Claire Lingerie Show Changed My Life

Last week I was invited to attend the Cosmo and Marie Claire Lingerie Show. For someone who is dealing with weight issues and low self-esteem, this was a sure-fire way to make sure I went home and cried into some carbohydrates. Nevertheless, it’s a party and who doesn’t like parties especially when you see Skyy Vodka is sponsoring. So off I went.

The fashion show itself was amazing, the models were all gorgeous, the music and production was awesome and the free drinks were a treat. But enough about that. It was clearly fate that I showed up to this show. As I sat there surrounded by other bloggers, media and the oh-so-fabulous I watched the models traipsing down the catwalk, something happened to me that made me question my life. Not one of those horrible “when are you going to be more responsible” things I usually experience after a particularly bad hangover but more the inspiration to better my life. See below.

Witness the Fitness

Obviously when models are around you notice how beautiful they are. But as so many editorials and beauty adverts like to remind us, it’s what’s inside that counts and with the right lighting and makeup we could all shift magazine sales. But that doesn’t fly when you’re confronted with several hot bodies. There ain’t no faking that. Sometimes it’s good genes, most of the time it’s because they work hard. And oh man, does it pay off. I found myself drooling over their bodies as much as the pervy guys sitting in front of me. 

clicking on the pic should make it bigger

This has made me firmly believe, exercise is missing from my life. I have found that when it comes to going to gym, my talent lies in finding excuses to avoid it. From I don’t have any cute workout clothes (even though I don’t believe I should ever sweat in designer clothes), to the gym is always full after work and before work and during work (I like the extent of that one) to what if this is the day the gym gets attacked by racist ninjas. Like I said this is where I am talented. But after seeing these bodies in action, I was a little more inclined to do some cardio. And maybe a bit of weight training. Also some squats and shit. Eventually this new motivation lead me to sign up – and pay – for bootcamp. Since I am super cheap and I have already given away that money, I’ll definitely be going. In 4 to 6 weeks, I’ll be parading my new body around the streets of Cape Town.

No More Granny Pants

I used to be unashamed of my love for granny pants. Anything that keeps stuff in and smooth is a winner in my book. Sadly there isn’t anything sexy about this type of underwear. Like not even a bit. It’s never in black, it’s never got lacey bits and they really look like a grandmother could rock them. Normally I wouldn’t give two shits about my knickers, especially because no one has been seeing them. Crickets in that department. But the lingerie show changed all of that. 

clicking on the pic should make it bigger
 While in my seat watching the ladies strut their stuff in sexy shapewear and big pants that still looked comfortable, I was mentally going through my underwear drawer and chucking out all the cotton boy shorts, the ugly beige pairs that sit under my boobs and the magic knickers that allow me to look sleek as long as I don’t drink or eat. I thought I’d made some good mental decisions. I also decided to put the magic knickers back but on the whole I am inspired to change my knickers. After all, if I wear them, surely the boys will come.

Making An Effort

There is a saying that there are no ugly women, only lazy ones. I believe this. I also am very lazy. So while I want to change and make more of an effort, the fat girl on my shoulder makes me snooze for an extra 10 to 30 minutes. This is the time I could spend curling my hair, or learning how to contour my face or finding an outfit that I haven’t messed food on.

Clicking on the pic should make it bigger
 It’s a truth universally acknowledged in girl world that looking good makes you feel good which makes your outlook all sparkly and happiness personified. I have had those days. I usually have those days when I work. On the weekends however I became a slob. And after two days in baggy jumper and stretchy pants, you lose all direction in life. So if anything this has made me more determined to make an effort. Look at these girls with the good hair and the glowing skin. I want to be that girl dammit.

So thanks to everyone at the Lingerie Show for their help/intervention J

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Images from Cosmo’s FB page.

Thursday, September 26, 2013


Where are the Mark Darcys?! If you are one, holler at a girl!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

New Role Model: Mabel Pines

It's not everyday you can find your role model in a cartoon series but I have. Mabel Pines is one of the stars of Gravity Falls, a cartoon series. Along with her twin brother, they are sent to a holiday resort to stay with their uncle and also hilarity and fun times ensue. My favourite part of this show is how Mabel relates to boys. Also the way she dresses because we have a similar penchant for knits and skirts.

Things I Have Learned From Mabel Pines:

1. How To Trick Boys Into Liking You

This note is genius. There is no chance for a boy to tell you no and say you smell. Also it gives them lots of options to profess their amount of like. Taking this on my next date.

2. How Not To Let The Haters Get You Down

If this wasn't a kids show, I am pretty sure that note would say, "Fuck off, I'm fabulous". Which is really what we all need to do when people are mean and try to bring you down. 

3. Find Your Personal Style and Own It

For reals, there is nothing I love more than a knit and a skirt. And luckily it seems to work with my body shape. Yeah for curves and clothes that flatter my waist. Life's too short to dress shitty.

4. How To Deal With Mean Girls

Kill those bitches with kindness. They hate that shit.

5. Just Believe In Yourself

No matter how much of a dork you are. As the movies and TV shows have taught us, the weird, quirky girl gets ahead too.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Images from here.

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

In Another Life...

...I have no money troubles, my car doesn't bleed me dry, boys call me back and my red lipstick doesn't fade.

Sadly I live in the real world, where my savings are shot to shit. My car doesn't work more often than it does hence sayonara to all money. Boys never ever call me or message me because the ones I like dont always know I exist and I drink too may drinks and eat too much for my lipstick to even stand a chance.

But because I am a dreamer at heart, there are always things I want and fantasize about.

Miu Miu Glitter Sneakers

If I'm going to wear flats which I'm not particularly adverse to, they might as well sparkle. If I was ever so ballsy to ever purchase these, the glitter on them would be distracting enough since I won't be able to eat. For a couple of months.

Loin Cloth & Ashes Party Dress

I could name several place I could and would wear this dress to. I have even started pairing my heels with it in my head (I'm thinking nudes would be perfect). It's not that out of reach price wise but when you're watching your spend, things like pretty dresses go out the window.

Eric Northman

True Blood season six is a waste of my time. I know this. But I need to finish things so since I have invested all this other time I will finish this damn season. One reason to keep me watching is Eric. I actually loathe all other scenes especially the ones with Bill. Although he is a vampire and can kill me, he is beautiful. He is charming. He is a good businessman and can take care of me.There's always the chance he may kill me but we all need a bit of excitement in our lives.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Images via here, here and here.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

My Life In Gifs - Online Dating Special

A while back I signed up for online dating. It wasn’t for me. Then things got a little slow in the romance department…not to mention the cobwebs downstairs. So I decided to try again. New site, new profile, new attitude. This has been my experiences so far.

When I Started Out All Excited 

When The Initial Excitement Slowed Down

When I Started Getting Dirty Messages

When Boys Started Asking For My Number Straight Up 

When I Did Give Out My Number and Then Got Stalked 

When The “Nice” Guy I’m Chatting To Turns Out To Be A Racist Or Homophobe Or Both

When A Really Good Looking Guy Messages Me  

When A Married Guy Messages Me 

 When The Guy I Like Is Into Outdoor Activities

When I Get Called Sexy By Some Random In Another Country

When A Guy Is Good Looking, Not Creepy And Has A Funny Profile

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh! 
Images from  here, here, here and here.