Monday, December 29, 2014

Dear Future Boyfriend Part Fifteen

Oh FB, I'm not gonna lie. I have become a grumpy single. Trust me this is not how I wanted things to turn out. I used to be the happy single. I was like the fun friend who didn't mind hanging around couples. I loved hearing about engagement stories and wedding planning. I was a joy to be around. And I hardly ever bemoaned my marital status. Because I always had faith that you were out there.

Then something changed. I'm guessing everyone who is single for an extended period of time goes through this phase. You're all happy-go-lucky and then suddenly there's an onslaught of Facebook couples, the ex you were always sure was a backup plan suddenly moves in with someone and you start wondering when did everyone move on with their lives and you're the last one on the single bus.* Then you realise it was probably when you were staying home for the third consecutive weekend on a Netflix and pizza binge.**

So instead of just getting on with life and waiting for things to happen as they should. I decided to conduct some research. By research I mean go on a lot more dates. I thought I'd help fate along. Instead of getting more exciting about the prospects out there, it made me a little sad. And a grumpy gills. The thing is, despite being a bit of a realistic I still hold out hope for that everlasting love, that constant butterflies in my stomach feeling. That ooh la la. I did not find it yet.

To be fair, many of these guys were great. Some were dicks. But the truth was, I was going into every new date with very unrealistic expectations of love. I'm not talking disney expectations which are next level. I'm talking about other pieces of media that made me believe.

And so I'd like to present to you, some movies, tv shows and comics that have given me unbridled hope and made me the way I am today. I apologise in advance for my attitude and for the reaction gifs.***

Sex & the City

This is a great show. It is very real. In most parts. We'll ignore how Carrie manages to live so lavishly on a writer's salary or the designer clothes. The situations and men they come across are very real. I have experienced some very similar situations that makes me paranoid. But what really got me was this statement from Big:

This is a great sentiment. But it's all lies. Like seriously. Lies. I have heard many women say this when looking for a partner. I have heard zero men say this is the number one quality they look for. Which kills me because I have jokes for days. Because of this line, I always assumed this would beat out a thigh gap. I can tell you from very personal experience, the thigh gap always wins.


I love X-men. I love Gambit. Like you known when most girls were getting turned on by Aladdin and other Disney princes, I had that same reaction to Gambit. And one of the things I really loved about him was his relationship with Rogue. Here was a girl who couldn't touch another person and he still loved her and (and this is the important one) he stuck around. Sure they had their ups and downs and obviously this would change depending on which canon/generation/series you were following but the one I am a fan of, they stay together.

I know there are many guys who are willing to wait and are okay with not doing adult stuff. These guys rule! 100 points for these guys. I also know there are just as many guys, probably more who will not stick around. And I know there are girls who won't either. After years of watching X-men and shipping this pairing my outlook has been ingrained with a guy like Gambit. He's cocky, a bit of a douche but he has this one redeeming quality that I love. Which is probably why when searching for a guy who values other things above physical stuff I actively ignore all the other crazy signs. I feel this one's on me and I am working on my issues.

What's Your Number

This is one of those movies not everyone was a fan of. I thought it was hilarious. The gist is Anna Faris does not want to sleep with any more guys so she goes looking for her future husband through her list of exes. Chris Evans is her neighbour who is half naked a lot of time and helps her. Naturally they end up together. And he has no issues with her number.

My problems with believing a movie like one's neighbour is a hot guy who answers the door starkers. I have lived on my own for several years. My neighbours have always been older women. Not even a nipple slip. Also I have never heard of a guy who embraces a girl's number. I've met several guys who will embrace it for a night but who marry those girls, pffftt.

The Office (US)

Pam and Jim. I actually can't with this one. We get it. You guys are cute and meant to be. You work together, have the best wedding and continue to love each other. Enough!

Not only does this provide someone with unrealistic expectations of how much fun you can have at work all the time, it says that your perfect soulmate could be right under your nose. Have you ever taken a long hard look at the people you work with and realise one of them is who you will end up marrying. No thanks! This show is irresponsible.

I'm out!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

*Obviously I know this is not true.
** Again not true.
*** I promise I will not be bitter and moody all the time. I just need to get this out of my system.

Images from here, here, here and here.