An Open Letter...

To all the people who complained to me today. All 100 million of you, please stop it. I listen everyday and every day I try and help but for just one day please stop. I cannot take it anymore. And I’ve actually stopped caring that these are not 100% perfect. Because I know even if they were, you would still find something to complain about. So in the words of Madonna, I’m not your bitch, don’t hang your shit on me.

To the person who judged my salad with feta. Yes I know there was more feta than actually green things. Yes I know it’s not the low fat one. And yes I know that it cannot be good for me. But isn’t it enough I had a salad and not just slabs of feta on its own. Without being disgusting, I could eat feta just like that. It’s that good. So maybe concentrate on your own lunch rather than mine. And don’t you know Feta Makes it Better!

To the hot guy driving next to me on De Waal drive, just name it and I’ll do it. Sounds crass but trust me he would be worth it.

To my friend at the MAC counter, thank you. Liquid eye liner has changed my life. And I finally got to wear my green eyeshadow. I don’t care if it’s a bit too much for work. It makes my eyes more prominent and I love it.

To the people who invade my personal space, what is so important you need to be up in my business. I try to be polite but I will never tell you it’s bothering me. So I move away and yet you move closer. We look like we’re doing a retarded type of dance. Other times I cannot be bothered to move away and in turn I become bitchy to counteract your proximity. I do not want to be a bitch and I am also not inviting you into my area. That is reserved for my hot water bottle and Robert Pattinson. And if I wanted you in that area, you would know it. Because I turn into a silly little girl and play with my hair and make “ooohh” noises. Plus I lean forward a lot so you can see “the girls”. Until I’m acting like a hussy, keep your distance.