Tuesday, April 21, 2009

F My Life

Do you ever feel like your life is just blah and nothing good ever happens. I used to feel like that all the time. Now I realize that I am on a journey and that fabulous lives just don’t happen overnight. I’ve only started to take an interest in my health, love life and job status so I’ve accepted that for the moment things will not be oh-so-marvelous. And if I’m honest, I actually have a faboosh life. I have amazing friends, my own car, a well-paying job and I live in the best city in the world. But since society defines you by health, wealth and love, I tend to jump off my high horse pretty quickly.

That was until I discovered my new favourite addiction. My new favourite website is http://www.fmylife.com. It’s been around for ages but I only cotton on recently. And it is amazing! People submit their crappy life moments and we all get to revel in them.

So if you’re in a horrible mood cos life is just not going your way, hop on over to the site and feel miles better. Here are some of my favourite fmylife posts:

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there.

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. (Skinny Bitches note – don’t see any problem with that!)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. \

Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly resembled sex sounds my wife makes. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night.

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago.

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time.

Today, I sent my girlfriend of 4 years a text message saying, 'I love you more than anything.' She then replies, 'Hahah! Was that a fucking joke?' I reply, 'No, why would it be?' She then replied, 'Cause I'm talking to the girl you've been cheating with me on for five months.'

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant".

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friend’s birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living.

Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day.

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Whoop! There It Is!