Thursday, July 23, 2009

You Learn You Live

Things I need to do...

Learn to keep my emotions in check. For some reason I can break into tears really easily. I am not particularly sensitive but I don’t like anyone attacking me. Say something about my weight, the fact I’m a pushover or that my dream career is slipping further and further away and I’ll look like a panda from crying. I need to control this. Not only because I haven’t found a good waterproof mascara yet. But also ‘cause no one likes a crybaby. And I want to be one of those strong women who doesn’t back down. I want to be the type of women Maya Angelou was talking about (And still I rise!). I’m going to start by listening to Madonna’s You’ll See while I work out. It’s one of those songs that motivates you to show everyone who told you cannot do something that one day you’ll be great.

Learn to save money. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have to go and withdraw R50. It’s even worse when the machine you’re at only gives out hundreds. I shouldn’t have to live like this, particularly when I’m not a student anymore. The days of withdrawing everything in my account and leaving a measly R2.50 should be over. I do admit I have a spending problem. And a weird one at that. I tend to spend all my savings on fancy coffees during the week and sweets when I put in petrol. By the middle of the month, I cannot go out because I spent my entertainment budget on jellybeans and Fair Trade lattes. The next month is going to be a bit of a challenge. It’s the big move, there are four birthdays, Smokey Eyes comes for a visit and it’s Fashion Week. Chances I’ll have that R50 to withdraw at the end are slim. So starting in September because realistically August will be a bit of a money abortion, I’m going to start saving again. Also no more fuel-time sweets. And only lattes twice a week. I have an addiction so go slowly is how it’s going to happen.

Learn to try more. I have a huge fear of rejection so I do not try hard enough. Sometimes not at all. I’m not shy and I have faith yet nothing kills the soul like someone saying no. I’m one of those people who need validation in life, someone who needs a well done after a job. So if I do something and someone has something negative to say, I’m crushed. I wish I didn’t view failure the way I do. I wish I could throw caution to the wind and follow every whim I had. I might have my dream career, a boyfriend and complete happiness. This is one is going to be a lot harder than say not crying or saving money. I’ll definitely need a lot more Madonna songs to get to that point. But I think I may be willing to change soon enough because the only thing worse than rejection is regret.

Anything you guys need to learn?

It’s almost the weekend.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

1 comment:

  1. So THAT's why I wear waterproof mascara! I identify with pretty much all of your issues here:

    I'm still studying while my friends are working, so suddenly they're going out to more expensive places and I can't quite keep up.

    I love working out but I'm kind of running in circles lately and not keeping up (no pun intended), while n a group with a ridiculously naturally talented guy in tai chi (SO not fair!)

    A friend of mine mde a crack about my weight on the weekend. It wasn't intentional, but it hurt. A LOT.

    As for fear of rejection... not even goig to start about that one!

    So after whining abouot me for half an hour, I guess my point is: you aren't alone. The world can be a nasty place. And sometimes it's the lattes that get us through the tough times!


Whoop! There It Is!