How To Impress A Skinny Bitch

Awhile ago I wrote about the things certain boys do that result in a flip of the wrist, an unimpressed facial expression and a muttering of “Dude, please!” Now I would like to let boys know what they can do to work their magic on this pair of skinny bitches. Please note if there are any hot foreign boys in your vicinity, please direct them to this blog and the below tips 

To impress a Skinny Bitch in the Making:

Say hello without a cheesy line.

There are very few pickup lines that actually work wonders with girls. If you’re so inclined your line needs to be witty, smart, provocative and delivered correctly. Too cheesy, we will laugh in your face and not feel bad. Too risqué we’ll give you a look like you’re an online sexual predator. Therefore stay away from these lines and try ‘Hello’. You’ll be surprised at its magic. Alternatively if you look like a drummer in a band or have a scar and stubble try ‘Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name’. But only if you can pull it off. Heads up, “Feel it, it is here” whilst pointing to your penis will get you slapped.

Buy us a drink.

Everyone loves a free drink, almost free anything really. If we’re at a fancy place, we like cosmopolitans. If we’re at a pub, we like gin and dry lemon. If we’re legless it doesn’t matter what you give us, we’ll think it’s alcohol anyway.

We love to dance.

Therefore some good moves on the floor will score you points. You do not need to be trained – in fact we’d prefer if you weren’t. If you’re better at us we’ll walk away. It’s fickle we know but we do pride ourselves on how well we can boogie. You just need to make some moves. Heads up, avoid coming up behind us and grinding whenever a “sexy” song comes on. If we’re at a club we probably don’t know you that well and would prefer if you stay away from that zone.

Laugh at our jokes.

We try really hard to impress you by being witty and clever so please show us you appreciate it. Most times we are quite funny or knowledgeable (we used to be pub quiz champs) but the more we drink the less sense we make. So laughing or smiling makes us think our charms are working.

Compliment our outfits and hair.

What we look like when we enter a club, bar or pub is probably not what we normally look like when we wake up. Unless it’s around 3 in the morning and we’ve come from another party, than we usually look better. We’ve taken time and effort and sustained burns from a GHD to look decent. Acknowledge it please.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!