Thursday, May 7, 2009

Wish List # 4 The Power To Turn Gay Men

Us, skinny bitches like gay men. A lot. We actually love them. Most of our best girlfriends are gay. Most of our male friends are gay. So there’s a lot of love in this relationship. And why wouldn’t there be. Gay men are faboosh! Whether they’re stereotypically loud and bitchy or sensitive and caring or even into sports and completely straight-acting. We love love love spending time with them. They’re the perfect men apart for one big thing: other men.

Gay men have dressed us, comforted us and laughed with us. All while doing so in designer labels and smelling better than we do. The relationship could only be improved by some action in the bedroom. So there’s no surprise that if we had a multitude of wishes, we’d definitely wish to turn those cute, charming well-dressed, well-gelled men into appreciators of the female species. And we don’t just mean appreciating our outfits. We want those men to do more than stroke our hair. We’d ultimately like them pulling it in the throes of passion. Instead of dressing us in fabulous ensembles we’d like them to rip our clothes off without caring about the stitching. After we watch the Dirty Dancing together, we’d want to get down and dirty. Maybe even dance too.

Alas this is one thing we know we’ll never get. Sure some of willing to experiment but ladies, these ladies are only focused on men. So we’ll settle for being their hags. The girls they call when they want to go out for a latte. They girls they don’t getting undressed in front of. The girls they tell have lost weight over the phone. The girls they create a fabulous beehive updo for. And the girls they watch The Sound of Music with. Gay men, still pretty perfect.

We may not be allowed to have them but we can still look at them.

Here are the top 5 guys we wish we weren’t gay:

Simon Amstell

Kyan Douglas

Tom Ford

Luke Macfarlane

Adam Lambert

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