An Open Letter To The Boys of Cape Town

It is a truth universally acknowledged that men in Cape Town are either taken, gay or always say or do the wrong thing.

Over the past year I have been subjected to various interactions that have had me grimacing, speechless and on the verge of tears. And if it’s happened to me, there’s a chance it has happened to other girls. So if any of those single boys who may be cute, dress well, have a job and are nice to homeless people are wondering why their beds are empty, here’s some insight. I have put together a list of things you really shouldn’t do or say based on all my personal experiences.

*Please don’t try to impress me by telling me about your car. I don’t know much about cars and while you’re talking about mags (is that the right term?) I’ll be nodding off. I don’t care about your suspension or zooped up sound system; if your car doesn’t break down daily, you’ve already got me interested. If it has aircon and smells nice then I may need a fan as things are about to get hot in herre.

*If you want to try and make an impression by telling me I look like someone famous, go all out. If you say I’m like Kylie because we’re both short or I’m a brunette like Eva Longoria; I’m smile and maybe even giggle. You’ve obviously overshot your landing but I like your ambition. Telling me I look like Snooki, which has happened twice by the way and only one was a drunk gay guy, is one way to make cry in the bathrooms. Seriously, how can you think being called her twin makes me feel fabulous inside.

*If we’ve been at the club for a while and you’ve tried to hit on both of my friends who have turned you down, that is not a sign to hit on me. This happened recently and I witnessed one rather cute Australian try and get it on with Bestie 1. She would have been interested if maybe he spent say more than 5 minutes trying to impress her. Guys, we realise it’s a club and you’re here for a very important reason but girls still need to be wooed. So if you’re not sure of the vibe you’re picking up after a few minutes, maybe keep trying and you’ll notice a change. Don’t try and move on to her friend and then even worse the other friend standing next to her. Also asking if “I’m not your type” after this doesn’t help matters.

*This next part is a bit weird, I’ll admit. But please don’t ever mention feet to me. I’ll explain. I have a foot phobia. Like I cannot handle looking or touching adult feet. Saying that, I absolutely love baby’s feet. Especially when they’re chubby. Cannot. Get. Enough. But grownup feet, shut the front door. Because of the way other people’s feet make me feel, I take the utmost care to ensure my feet are fabulous. So when I’m waiting outside on the street for a taxi that doesn’t look like it comes straight out of Dogdeville and you compliment my toes, I’ll naturally not trust you.

*As a girl with curves, I can tell your life is hard. Thanks to magazines and those Marilyn Monroe pictures, we have genuinely started to believe that men prefer women with curves. Well I’ve found that that is based on the individual guy’s preference I have noticed more boys are ready for this jelly. What I’ve also found is that they have to tell you. And it’s never in a subtle way. The good way to approach a girl with curves is to treat her like you would any other girl you think is hot. Do not, for instance, as a random recently told me, “I believe big girls need loving too.” Firstly thanks for calling me fat. Secondly as much as I appreciate your attempt to compliment my body, telling me “I love how you girls can keep warm in winter” doesn’t do you any favours.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh! 

*Images from here.  

Brew Coffee Shop

This morning we went all the way down to the bottom of Long Street for our Coffee Club. Or the top/start. Depending on how you view it I suppose. We all live in Gardens so this was down to us :)

Brew is situated at the building at 2 Long Street. it's bit hidden away but once you find it, you'll wanna go again and again. The baristas are really friendly, there's lots of seating and despite lots of peeps walking in and past you can still lose yourself on one of the couches.

We ordered our lattes and also indulged in some cheese muffins. Hello thigh circumference, you're about to be increased.

 

 The coffee was by Deluxe so straight up you know it's gonna be good. The muffins were all kinds of bad. I mean that in a good way. Love a good savoury muffin. There weer also cupcakes and brownies for sale not to mention sandwiches and fudge. It took a lot of willpower to resist.

All in all, a very successful and fun Coffee Club meeting.

Brew
2 Long Street
07h00 to 17h00

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Online Love

So...as usual I have a problem with money. This time it's for something very exciting. Not as exciting as my Thailand holiday last year but still it could lead to amazing opportunities and a once-in-a-lifetime experience. I want to say more but am afraid I'll jinx it. Seriously. You can make fun if you want.

Luckily my moolah worries never stop me from window shopping. And thanks to online shops, I never have to actually visit a mall to browse. These are the gems I've found online and am dying to buy. But! I must be strong!

First up is this frilly little bikini from 36Boutiques. Love this colour. Hope that if I do get it then it'll be the same in real-life. One problem with online shopping, sometimes the pictures distort the colour. I love the top half of the the bikini the mist. In a dream world, the bottoms would be those 50s style kind that cover your belly and love handles. But until then...

There's a new online shop called Utique. It's got all these lovely decor things that make me hate the fact I rent instead of own. I wish my lease allowed me to wallpaper. I have a feeling my flat's wall would be off the chain! In the meantime I'll settle for little bits of pretty to decorate the flat in. Like these LOVE coasters. Truthfully I don't make peeps use coasters but I may make them use these. Actually that's a lie, these are for display purposes only.

My birthday is in January. Christmas is before that. And before that I can start celebrating Halloween. So if you're looking for a present for me, head on over to Hello Pretty and buy these mugs. You rock!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Ramblings and Recollections

Recently I bought a fab pair of tangerine skinny jeans from Zara. I have yet to develop the courage to wear them. I’m no wear near skinny enough to actually qualify to wear skinny jeans. But then I saw Beyonce rocking a pair of bright blue ones. And then I saw some very large-esque ladies doing the same. Apparently the key is confidence. Now, where do I buy that?

Recently I have discovered that I am good at a few things and really bad at others. For instance I thought if there was ever a time to be strong when the going gets tough, I’d be able to face any trouble head-on. Turns out I turn into a big ol’ bag of emotions. I recently found a weird mole and did the worst thing ever I Googled it. When “melanoma” came up I decided I’d call my mom and warn her that I needed an oncologist (this was all in the space of a few minutes and without seeing a doctor – in fact I didn’t move from my bed). I heard her voice and burst into tears. She comforted me, told me to grow up and see a doctor (she used to be a nurse so she’s hardcore like that). Turns out I am not as strong as I always imagined. Also my weird mole was a burst blood vessel.

Recently, the girls at work have been talking about all those bad kissers who we had the unfortunate experience of swapping saliva with. Turns out we all have experienced our fair share of washing machines, limp tongues and worse, adventurers (think too intrusive tongues or biters). What we want to know is what ever happened to them. Did they finally meet a girl who was brave enough to tell them that they are bad kissers or is their current girlfriend shrinking away in horror everytime Washing Machine goes in for the kill.

Recently, the only thing on my mind is preparing for our Christmas party. And by our, I mean us Skinny Bitches. Every year our group of friends get together and have a Christmas party. This year we’re going all out. In case you didn’t know, there is nothing more exciting to me than the season of Christmas. I look forward to these magical weeks all year long and label anyone else who doesn’t a Grinch. So as you can imagine I’ve been scourging Pinterest all the time for new ideas on how to make this year the Christmas party to end all parties.

Any ramblings or recollections?

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh! 

Images from here. 

The Little Hattery

So last Friday, us Skinny Bitches were lucky enough to be invited to the launch of The Little Hattery. 

If you don't know, TLH are the go-to peeps for bespoke, handcrafted headwear. They do everything from hats and fascinators to bridal headwear to Venetian masks. Their latest projects include doing their thang for the new Spud movie with John Cleese (yes, that was a namedrop ;)) and for the new Madame Zingara season.

They were also responsible for the Steampunk look that the staff at the new TRUTH HQ are sporting. These guys look boss and it's probably why the event dress code was Steampunk and was held at the HQ. The new place looks amazing. Sadly, there were way too many peeps to get proper photos. 

When we arrived in our steampunk chic - not very much as our bustiers and pocket watches were at the cleaners - we were greeted by this lady. Not sure of her name or why she was wearing a box for a skirt.

But she had bubblin' drinks. And she was handing them out. Win! 

The night started out with a firedancer which was awesome. I once tried to start poi-dancing lessons but right before the venue suddenly had to undergo renovations. I secretly think my friends feared for their safety and told them to tell us that. You can't really see from the snaps but this guy was good. 

 Afterwards there was a fashion show. There were some burlesque dancer types who made me regret ever eating and I cursed my thighs.

 

 

There were hotties in long-ass coats with brooding eyes that made me giggle like a school girl.

 And then there was this hat, which made me oh "Oh Em Gee, I'm gonna need to steal that." Obviously I have nowhere fancy to wear it to but who says you cannot look stylish while cleaning your flat.

You can't see it but it's amazing. Ostrich feathers and sh

Here are the entire fashion cast.

Sadly, we had a dinner to had to get to so we left straight after the fashion show. But if you wanna see what else went down and what the other peeps wore, you can check out their Facebook page. 

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!