My Life in Gifs Part Deux

The reason I’ve been so busy is work. This is how I feel daily 

 

 *a freakin' gladiator in a suit*

This is probably why I do this all the time 

And because of that I look like this 

Which is just one of the reasons my love life is like this 

Another reason is this  

Which means sometimes I’m like this 

But then I do this  

And then everything seems right in the world 

Will be back to regular blogging soon.
Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

An Open Letter To The Boys of Cape Town

It is a truth universally acknowledged that men in Cape Town are either taken, gay or always say or do the wrong thing.

Over the past year I have been subjected to various interactions that have had me grimacing, speechless and on the verge of tears. And if it’s happened to me, there’s a chance it has happened to other girls. So if any of those single boys who may be cute, dress well, have a job and are nice to homeless people are wondering why their beds are empty, here’s some insight. I have put together a list of things you really shouldn’t do or say based on all my personal experiences.

*Please don’t try to impress me by telling me about your car. I don’t know much about cars and while you’re talking about mags (is that the right term?) I’ll be nodding off. I don’t care about your suspension or zooped up sound system; if your car doesn’t break down daily, you’ve already got me interested. If it has aircon and smells nice then I may need a fan as things are about to get hot in herre.

*If you want to try and make an impression by telling me I look like someone famous, go all out. If you say I’m like Kylie because we’re both short or I’m a brunette like Eva Longoria; I’m smile and maybe even giggle. You’ve obviously overshot your landing but I like your ambition. Telling me I look like Snooki, which has happened twice by the way and only one was a drunk gay guy, is one way to make cry in the bathrooms. Seriously, how can you think being called her twin makes me feel fabulous inside.

*If we’ve been at the club for a while and you’ve tried to hit on both of my friends who have turned you down, that is not a sign to hit on me. This happened recently and I witnessed one rather cute Australian try and get it on with Bestie 1. She would have been interested if maybe he spent say more than 5 minutes trying to impress her. Guys, we realise it’s a club and you’re here for a very important reason but girls still need to be wooed. So if you’re not sure of the vibe you’re picking up after a few minutes, maybe keep trying and you’ll notice a change. Don’t try and move on to her friend and then even worse the other friend standing next to her. Also asking if “I’m not your type” after this doesn’t help matters.

*This next part is a bit weird, I’ll admit. But please don’t ever mention feet to me. I’ll explain. I have a foot phobia. Like I cannot handle looking or touching adult feet. Saying that, I absolutely love baby’s feet. Especially when they’re chubby. Cannot. Get. Enough. But grownup feet, shut the front door. Because of the way other people’s feet make me feel, I take the utmost care to ensure my feet are fabulous. So when I’m waiting outside on the street for a taxi that doesn’t look like it comes straight out of Dogdeville and you compliment my toes, I’ll naturally not trust you.

*As a girl with curves, I can tell your life is hard. Thanks to magazines and those Marilyn Monroe pictures, we have genuinely started to believe that men prefer women with curves. Well I’ve found that that is based on the individual guy’s preference I have noticed more boys are ready for this jelly. What I’ve also found is that they have to tell you. And it’s never in a subtle way. The good way to approach a girl with curves is to treat her like you would any other girl you think is hot. Do not, for instance, as a random recently told me, “I believe big girls need loving too.” Firstly thanks for calling me fat. Secondly as much as I appreciate your attempt to compliment my body, telling me “I love how you girls can keep warm in winter” doesn’t do you any favours.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh! 

*Images from here.  

This Month...

...has been a hectic one. 2012 in fact has been pretty hectic. There have been some amazing moments in this month, one I cannot blog about yet but soon. There have also been many, many downers.

So far this month:

*Lost the oil cap for my car and had to get a new one. Plus had to have my car engine cleaned. Did you know there's engine shampoo?!
*I have gotten sick and went three days looking like crap
*Had to repair my car exhaust pipe
*Put on weight (technically my own fault but still)
*Walked outside to find my car had been knocked and my bumper was on the ground. Thanks to the douchebag who did that btw.
*Scheduled a dermatologist appointment the day before payday and without finding out the rates.

And after all of that, this is how I feel:

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Back At Work - Sad Face

So...today is the day I start work after a fabulous holiday. Instead of being all grumpy gills like I was yesterday about the prospect (I threw a tantrum and was told to grown up) I have decided to be postive.

That is almost working. In all truth, it hasn’t been a bad day. I managed to find the will power to get up before the sun and go to gym. Considering I was in near comatose state, I’m not sure if I actually worked out or had a nap in the sauna room. Either way my pores are unblocked and my hair is frizzy. I then managed to get dressed, get my lunch and drive all the way here. I ignored all possible exits off the freeway and actually arrived at work. Things were going okay.

Now as it is my first day back, I thought I’d treat myself. If this were still the holidays, I’d be treating myself by staying in bed. But since I ran out of leave days and I like to think the place would burn down without me, I ventured to work and would have to make due with a different kind of treat. A much smaller one. Mostly because I cannot treat myself to Bradley Cooper and I used all my money on New Years. So I decided a latte would be the perfect way to start my day.

After a quick trip, I switched on my computer and waited for the gazillion emails to download. This was a nice way to begin the day, little work, coffee and half the people I don’t like in the office still on leave. I;m still trying to get into the day and have to admit am working as slowly as possible. I’m taking the opportunity that the little people in the office won’t notice that I’m filing, answering mails, uploading pics to Facebook and catching up on FML. There are some advantages to returning to work.

In few minutes, will be posting the mantra( It’s back bitches!) and recapping on my holiday. Until then, have a great day!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

More F My Life

As I'm slipping my skinny latte and avoiding any hard work (by hard I mean anything that requires me to close my internet browser and actually concentrate on my job) I visited F My Life to make myself feel better. I'm currently suffering from oily skin 'cause of the evilness that is winter so I'm feeling sorry for myself. Here are some gems to make you feel better about yourself 'cause sharing is caring and it's the skinny bitch thing to do!

Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone.

Today, I was on my girlfriend's computer. When searching on google, her browsing history popped up. The first thing was "Best positions for a small penis."

Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received.

Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!