Three Ways the Cosmo and Marie Claire Lingerie Show Changed My Life

Last week I was invited to attend the Cosmo and Marie Claire Lingerie Show. For someone who is dealing with weight issues and low self-esteem, this was a sure-fire way to make sure I went home and cried into some carbohydrates. Nevertheless, it’s a party and who doesn’t like parties especially when you see Skyy Vodka is sponsoring. So off I went.

The fashion show itself was amazing, the models were all gorgeous, the music and production was awesome and the free drinks were a treat. But enough about that. It was clearly fate that I showed up to this show. As I sat there surrounded by other bloggers, media and the oh-so-fabulous I watched the models traipsing down the catwalk, something happened to me that made me question my life. Not one of those horrible “when are you going to be more responsible” things I usually experience after a particularly bad hangover but more the inspiration to better my life. See below.

Witness the Fitness

Obviously when models are around you notice how beautiful they are. But as so many editorials and beauty adverts like to remind us, it’s what’s inside that counts and with the right lighting and makeup we could all shift magazine sales. But that doesn’t fly when you’re confronted with several hot bodies. There ain’t no faking that. Sometimes it’s good genes, most of the time it’s because they work hard. And oh man, does it pay off. I found myself drooling over their bodies as much as the pervy guys sitting in front of me. 

 

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This has made me firmly believe, exercise is missing from my life. I have found that when it comes to going to gym, my talent lies in finding excuses to avoid it. From I don’t have any cute workout clothes (even though I don’t believe I should ever sweat in designer clothes), to the gym is always full after work and before work and during work (I like the extent of that one) to what if this is the day the gym gets attacked by racist ninjas. Like I said this is where I am talented. But after seeing these bodies in action, I was a little more inclined to do some cardio. And maybe a bit of weight training. Also some squats and shit. Eventually this new motivation lead me to sign up – and pay – for bootcamp. Since I am super cheap and I have already given away that money, I’ll definitely be going. In 4 to 6 weeks, I’ll be parading my new body around the streets of Cape Town.

No More Granny Pants

I used to be unashamed of my love for granny pants. Anything that keeps stuff in and smooth is a winner in my book. Sadly there isn’t anything sexy about this type of underwear. Like not even a bit. It’s never in black, it’s never got lacey bits and they really look like a grandmother could rock them. Normally I wouldn’t give two shits about my knickers, especially because no one has been seeing them. Crickets in that department. But the lingerie show changed all of that. 

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 While in my seat watching the ladies strut their stuff in sexy shapewear and big pants that still looked comfortable, I was mentally going through my underwear drawer and chucking out all the cotton boy shorts, the ugly beige pairs that sit under my boobs and the magic knickers that allow me to look sleek as long as I don’t drink or eat. I thought I’d made some good mental decisions. I also decided to put the magic knickers back but on the whole I am inspired to change my knickers. After all, if I wear them, surely the boys will come.

Making An Effort

There is a saying that there are no ugly women, only lazy ones. I believe this. I also am very lazy. So while I want to change and make more of an effort, the fat girl on my shoulder makes me snooze for an extra 10 to 30 minutes. This is the time I could spend curling my hair, or learning how to contour my face or finding an outfit that I haven’t messed food on.

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 It’s a truth universally acknowledged in girl world that looking good makes you feel good which makes your outlook all sparkly and happiness personified. I have had those days. I usually have those days when I work. On the weekends however I became a slob. And after two days in baggy jumper and stretchy pants, you lose all direction in life. So if anything this has made me more determined to make an effort. Look at these girls with the good hair and the glowing skin. I want to be that girl dammit.

So thanks to everyone at the Lingerie Show for their help/intervention J

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Images from Cosmo’s FB page.

Cosmopolitan and Revlon Polished Event

You know how they say every girl has something about her body she’d like a change? Well I have a list. And it’s long. Just one of my gripes are my hands and nails. My mother has long slender hands and those elegant, pointy nails. I have short, sausage-like stubs with square nails. Beauty therapists like to convince me they’re square-oval because at least that’s a fashionable shape. But these babies are nothing fashionable.

Since they don’t make magic knickers or a Wonderbra equivalent for nails, I resorted to the next best thing: nail polish. So from a young age when all I was allowed to use was that Tinkerbell stuff that you could peel off to the days of Gellish, my nails are almost always covered in varnish. You can imagine how attractive they look when I go bare. (Sometimes I like to scare men who have wronged me by flashing my nude nails at them and watching them recoil in fear)

So when I received an invite to Cosmo Polished event, I squealed with glee. In fact I probably did break out into a Glee-inspired number.

The event was hosted by Cosmopolitan (duh) and Revlon and held at the super-fancy Bree Street Studios. Me and one of my besties Sara grabbed some pink champers and made our way to the front row. Thanks Cosmo for the reserved seating, you know how to make a girl and her friend feel special.

The setup consisted of a nail station with all the essentials a girl would need for the perfect manicure. There was cotton buds, sponges, toothpicks (oh yeah), nail polish remover and some other products from the Revlon range. Most importantly there was stand of nail polish including Revlon’s latest collection Brilliant Strength. You may have noticed the ad campaign with Emma Stone doing the rounds at the moment.

 

To start we were welcomed by Cosmo’s new editor Cathy Lund, who is all kinds of adorable in real life. Seriously I wanted to hug her but that kind of behaviour normally gets me kicked out of events. She in turn introduced Chi Chi who was our manicure tutor. Chi Chi took us through three styles that are gonna change the way we do our nails: ombre, nail art and marble effect. No more boring red for us. Chi Chi showed us all the steps needed to try these three styles and you know what, she made it look *just as easy* as those smug bitches on Pinterest make it look.

 And the truth? It was relatively easy. To mess it up. Sara managed to do the marble effect on her first try. And it looked amaze. Seriously have a look. The rest of the nails were a little bit more interesting. Sara, if you’re reading this, love ya.

I attempted the ombre look. It was more like the sombre look if I’m honest. It was all going so well until I found a way to mess it up. In fact one of the very helpful and nice Revlon ladies had to come over and help me. Like the slow kid in a classroom. I was that girl.

While we were doing our nails, we were entertained by the band Shenfm who you have to check out. If only because they are super-hot. Music isn’t bad either :)

 

So after numerous attempts at trying to create some nail art, I finally succeeded and came up with this masterpiece. Yes that is a smiley face with eyebrows. Take that Pinterest!

Massive thanks to the wonderful peeps at Cosmopolitan who invited us and made this whole evening special. Special shout out to all the Revlon girls for not laughing at my nail art and being so patient with me. Also massive props for the insane goodie bag. I didn’t take a picture of the contents because as soon as I peeked inside it was a goner. Hopefully this picture will suffice.

How we roll at events.

 

Why I'll probably not be invited to another event.

Enjoying the life (while we can).

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Things I'm not that embarassed about, but perhaps should be

1. Listening to Celine Dion 3:00 on a Saturday afternoon, even while your roomate is giving you weird looks

2. It takes 1 Cosmopolitan to get you tipsy

3. Going to bed at 9:30pm is like heaven

4. Walking to the shops to get groceries without even putting on a bra

5. Hating FIFA for bringing the World Cup to SA and then selfishly taking it away after 1 month...where have all the foreign men gone?

6. Writing to do lists of things you have already completed just so you can scratch them out and feel you have accomplished something

7. Wearing shoes out when you know they need to be re-heeled and they make that clippity-cloppity noise

8. Painting over your chipped nails instead of re-painting them just because you can't be bothered

9. Wearing long pants for a full week straight because again, you can't be bothered to shave your legs

10. Watching 4 episodes of House when you should be seen out and about in Kloof street

11. Thinking your roomates dream about raccoons is a direct result of the fact that she wont let you bring the family cat to come and live with the two of you

12. Secretly hoping someone will steal your broken-down excuse for a car so you can by a new one with the insurance money

13. Letting your eyes roll back in to your head as you munch away at a Cadbury's mint crisp tart chocolate bar

14. Believing that Ryan Reynolds is secretly miserable without you

Pity Party for One

So lately I have been in a very weird, feeling-sorry-for-myself mood.

However as I am naturally a happy person I refuse to let the ennui take hold of me. Instead I've come up with a list of things that have made me happy lately and plan on repeating them.

Please send through some suggestions and also please have a go at one of the below. You'd be surprised at how much better you'll feel.

There’s nothing better than…

…dancing to old boyband music with your roommate.

…having a hot chocolate from Vida when you’re feeling fugly. (ladies, if you buy the new Cosmo you can get a free hot chocolate coupon).

…watching House in your pajamas with a bowl of prawn chips.

…having a cocktail in the sun.

…playing Alicia Key’s “No One” really loud and singing along in the car.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Weekend Highlights

The weekend started off on a fabulous note on Friday. It was one of our very special friend’s birthday and we joined her at Tiki Bar at Eden on the Bay for some cocktails.
Had some amazing cosmopolitans at that place. Nice casual vibe and right on the beach. Definitely would recommend. The lighting and light rain also gave it a nice touch!

On Saturday, I decided it was time to finally try out TRUTH in Green Point. I have heard so many fabulous things about the place and decided had to see what all the hype was about. TRUTH is located in the Prestwich Memorial off Somerset Road in Green Point. It’s not too big but has all the essentials for an awesome coffee shop. I had some great service, an excellent latte and a new spot to take friends too.


Afterwards I made a quick stop at the Friends with Jenny Open Day. I bought a great brown waist belt and a fab winter shrug. I cannot even tell you about it the shrug, it is so beautiful and versatile. Will definitely have to take pics and show you what it looks like and how it can be worn. Also don’t forget to check out FWJ’s new website. It’s great!

I’m not sure what came over me but on Sunday I offered to make lunch for my (large) family. I blame it on Julie & Julia. It made me think I could bring out my inner Nigella and cook. The main problem is my mom. She used to be a caterer, she can cook backwards and usually she prepares those amazing meals for Sunday lunch. My speciality is potato bake and those convenience meals from Woolworths.


In the end I opted for some chicken – ‘cause no one can mess up chicken – and then some pasta (a sweet potato and butternut lasagna). The pasta turned out really good, or my family are really nice at not hurting my feelings. Dessert was supplied by my mom because there was only so much I could accomplish. She made some great cupcakes and it’s even greater that she left the rest with me!

So, how was your weekend?

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Things I've Realised...

I just need to hear the theme song from Flashdance and all I want to do is dance.

I really like being single but, I wouldn’t mind someone telling me I’m pretty every now and again and holding my hand at the movies.

Jennifer Aniston chooses the wrong movies.

Sometimes all you need is a little faith.

Drinking in the afternoon is awesome.

I’m going to start taking more risks.

Even though I struggle to get up in the morning, I am really starting to like gym.

I miss my number one gay best friend. Come to Cape Town please!

Whenever I’m feeling sad, fat, fugly and as if I have no direction, the opening scene of The Devil Wears Prada perks me right up. I’m so gonna be one of those women when I grow up.

I never want to hear the phrase “I have a large phallus.” It was overheard in the kitchen, repeated to me and now I am disturbed.

Popcorn with salt ‘n’ vinegar flavouring: delish. Inhaling salt ‘n’ vinegar flavoring by mistake: not as delish. In fact kinda painful.

Happy Thursday!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Weekend News

On Friday the girls and gays went to see The September Issue. I think I love Anna Wintour even more. No matter if you’re interested in fashion or even care about Vogue magazine, you need to see this movie.

On Saturday, it was my birthday! I got given a lovely present by my roomie and fellow skinny bitch and then we went out for breakfast. We also did a little window shopping and found some amazing dresses. Only problem is, we’re crazy broke and it was the hardest thing to put them back because we need to spend our money on food and petrol. Too bad those dresses can’t do that.

Later that day, the gays came over again and we had a getting ready party for that evening. We started the night at Boo Radleys with friends and families. I was totally spoilt. Not only by the great cosmos. Not too sweet and not too sour but perfect. And I got amazing gifts. It was awesome. So awesome in fact that I think I may have to celebrate it again in six months. Birthdays totally need anniversaries. After cocktails, we headed to the Dubliner where drinks were doubled, I hurt Blue Eyes when I tried to do the jumping lift from Dirty Dancing and almost slapped a girl who kept dancing in our area. “Bitch, that’s my song. I need to break it down.”

The next morning, however, was not so awesome. The last time I was that hung-over was the year before, also at my birthday. I did not feel good. It got so bad I had to go home to my parents house so my mom could look after me. In the end I had to sleep it off and later that evening when I eventually came to, I was ravenous. After 10 hours of sleep, I ate everything in my way. I’m back to feeling normal but am still pretty dehydrated so have attached a large water bottle to my side.

Hope everyone else’s weekend was just as fabulous.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

My Holiday

This year I had one of those amazing holidays that I never wanted to end. Now I realise that sounds a bit silly. Who would ever want a holiday to end. But sometimes, mostly when I was studying I would get a bit reckless when I had so many days free. This year I only had two weeks so I decided I'd make the most of it. And what better place to spend it than Cape Town.

What I did:

*I finished my xmas shopping in record time.

*I walked to most places in town, burning off calories and saving petrol.

*I watched Avatar and although the graphics were amazing I thought the plot and script were eh.

*I went to the beach on an overcast day and burnt.

*I along with Blue Eyes hosted our first ever Christmas party, aptly titled Christmas Ho Ho Hos and Bros.

*I went to the gym and had the best workouts because I didn't have to rush.

*I found out where all the cheap breakfast spots are. Carmellos in Kloof street have a great special on btw.

*I watched 2012 and cheered along with the rest of the cinema when Cape Town was the place they all sought refuge.

*I went to the beach on a scorching day and got a nice tan.

*We had the most amazing burgers at Royale.

*I tried to master my new curling iron. It's not going too well. Half my hair has these amazing waves while the rest look like little girl curls.

*I had one of the best cosmopolitans at FTV. But I really do not like the remodelling.

*I saw The Rebound and have found myself in love with Justin Bartha.

*I watched the sunset at Signal Hill.

*I counted in New Years with my gays.

*I ate way too much carbs.

*I went to the aquarium and saw how slow the sharks swim. I could totally outswim them.

Hope everyone else had a faboosh holiday.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

It's Driving Me Mad, It's Driving Me Mad*

*The title of this post comes from a Beatles song called I Want You. I thought it was an appropriate reference considering the nature of this post.

I really need to stop browsing Net-a-Porter. All it does is make me sad that I cannot afford the clothes.

Here are the latest pieces I am crying over:

This DKNY wrap dress is amazing. The crossover in the front would hide the aftermaths of not going to the gym. I’m thinking some gold bracelets or a chunky gold necklace would help.

I love love love this skirt from Steven Alan. I want to forgo the next few months food budget so I can buy it. Yes it’s simple but the shape is for me, the perfect skirt. I want to tuck in a white shirt and bold blue belt or wear a feminine blouse and rock some fierce heels with it. I want it so bad.

This is a strapless taffeta dress from Donna Karan. Can you say cocktail party.

Corsets are going to be huge this summer or says my new issue of Cosmo. I like that this Bottega Veneta dress is sexy on top but is knee length. So this dusty lavender number will provide you with some mystery when you’re out on the town.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Summer Loving

The weather in Cape Town has been funny lately. On Saturday we had that fabulous sunny day where we could all wear dresses, drink wine in the sun and wear sunnies. On Sunday I also wore a dress, with a cardi but still the weather was pleasant. Since Monday however, it has been nipples cold and we’re all forced to wear dozens of layers. As I cannot do anything but dream of summer, I thought I’d better start preparing for it. This is when all the overseas fashion websites are tres helpful as they are coming out of summer and we’re going into it. Lots of summer outfit inspiration. I’ve been viewing Polyvore like it’s my job.

Here’s what I’ve come up with:

After Sunset Cocktails

I am in love with this purple Marchesa dress I found on Net-A-Porter. I would rock it with champagne pink peep-toes, black corsage on my hand, dark, smokey eye make-up and a cosmopolitan.

City Strolling

Considering I now live in the hipster hood of Kloof Street, I have to keep up with the cool kids. This cool yet stylish ensemble is how I'm going to do it. The dress and shoes are all me, and the fedora is just a touch of hip. The Chanel sunnies are of course out of reach but they would bring a touch of class to the look.

Working 9-5

I work in an office that's very casual. People can wear outfits two days in a row and walk around sans shoes. I am not one of those people. Because I always dress for the job I want rather than the one I have, I make an effort. This look is so effortlessly chic. The blue Louboutins are of course a rather large pipe dream but they are just fabulous.

Now all I need is the moolah to go shopping.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Final 2 Contenders in our Flat Search

We've finally found two contenders for our new home after us both seeing them and discussing our decision tipsily over Cosmo's at Neighbourhood. Those 2-for-1 cocktail specials are amazing. It's our thing. Us Skinny Bitches like to hit neighbourhood where we have a heart-to-heart coversation over cosmopolitans, nachos' and hong-kong chicken wings. I don't think we could get any happier when we're doing this. But back to the matter at hand.
YES, we've found two places and we're going to essentially apply for both on monday. We've decided on the Arnold's place as our no: 1 contender and Belaza as our no: 2. They are both pretty much the same, the only difference being the proximity to Kloof St and Long St 'our hood'. So for that reason, and that reason only, we are applying for Arnold's place. Cross your fingers please because us Skinny Bitches do not need more heartache right now.

SB