Dear Future Boyfriend Part Fifteen

Oh FB, I'm not gonna lie. I have become a grumpy single. Trust me this is not how I wanted things to turn out. I used to be the happy single. I was like the fun friend who didn't mind hanging around couples. I loved hearing about engagement stories and wedding planning. I was a joy to be around. And I hardly ever bemoaned my marital status. Because I always had faith that you were out there.

Then something changed. I'm guessing everyone who is single for an extended period of time goes through this phase. You're all happy-go-lucky and then suddenly there's an onslaught of Facebook couples, the ex you were always sure was a backup plan suddenly moves in with someone and you start wondering when did everyone move on with their lives and you're the last one on the single bus.* Then you realise it was probably when you were staying home for the third consecutive weekend on a Netflix and pizza binge.**

So instead of just getting on with life and waiting for things to happen as they should. I decided to conduct some research. By research I mean go on a lot more dates. I thought I'd help fate along. Instead of getting more exciting about the prospects out there, it made me a little sad. And a grumpy gills. The thing is, despite being a bit of a realistic I still hold out hope for that everlasting love, that constant butterflies in my stomach feeling. That ooh la la. I did not find it yet.

To be fair, many of these guys were great. Some were dicks. But the truth was, I was going into every new date with very unrealistic expectations of love. I'm not talking disney expectations which are next level. I'm talking about other pieces of media that made me believe.

And so I'd like to present to you, some movies, tv shows and comics that have given me unbridled hope and made me the way I am today. I apologise in advance for my attitude and for the reaction gifs.***

Sex & the City

This is a great show. It is very real. In most parts. We'll ignore how Carrie manages to live so lavishly on a writer's salary or the designer clothes. The situations and men they come across are very real. I have experienced some very similar situations that makes me paranoid. But what really got me was this statement from Big:

This is a great sentiment. But it's all lies. Like seriously. Lies. I have heard many women say this when looking for a partner. I have heard zero men say this is the number one quality they look for. Which kills me because I have jokes for days. Because of this line, I always assumed this would beat out a thigh gap. I can tell you from very personal experience, the thigh gap always wins.

X-men

I love X-men. I love Gambit. Like you known when most girls were getting turned on by Aladdin and other Disney princes, I had that same reaction to Gambit. And one of the things I really loved about him was his relationship with Rogue. Here was a girl who couldn't touch another person and he still loved her and (and this is the important one) he stuck around. Sure they had their ups and downs and obviously this would change depending on which canon/generation/series you were following but the one I am a fan of, they stay together.

I know there are many guys who are willing to wait and are okay with not doing adult stuff. These guys rule! 100 points for these guys. I also know there are just as many guys, probably more who will not stick around. And I know there are girls who won't either. After years of watching X-men and shipping this pairing my outlook has been ingrained with a guy like Gambit. He's cocky, a bit of a douche but he has this one redeeming quality that I love. Which is probably why when searching for a guy who values other things above physical stuff I actively ignore all the other crazy signs. I feel this one's on me and I am working on my issues.

What's Your Number

This is one of those movies not everyone was a fan of. I thought it was hilarious. The gist is Anna Faris does not want to sleep with any more guys so she goes looking for her future husband through her list of exes. Chris Evans is her neighbour who is half naked a lot of time and helps her. Naturally they end up together. And he has no issues with her number.

My problems with believing a movie like this...no one's neighbour is a hot guy who answers the door starkers. I have lived on my own for several years. My neighbours have always been older women. Not even a nipple slip. Also I have never heard of a guy who embraces a girl's number. I've met several guys who will embrace it for a night but who marry those girls, pffftt.

The Office (US)

Pam and Jim. I actually can't with this one. We get it. You guys are cute and meant to be. You work together, have the best wedding and continue to love each other. Enough!

Not only does this provide someone with unrealistic expectations of how much fun you can have at work all the time, it says that your perfect soulmate could be right under your nose. Have you ever taken a long hard look at the people you work with and realise one of them is who you will end up marrying. No thanks! This show is irresponsible.

I'm out!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

*Obviously I know this is not true.
** Again not true.
*** I promise I will not be bitter and moody all the time. I just need to get this out of my system.

Images from here, here, here and here.

Merry Christmas!

Sending love and good present karma to everyone from Vancouver!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

My Canadian Bucketlist: Vancouver Christmas Market

So I think we all know by now I am a huge Christmas fan. One of my reasons for coming to Canada was to experience a white Christmas. Sadly I choose the wrong city to do that in. There has been a bit of snow but on the whole Christmas in Vancouver is pretty much like Cape Town. Today for example, the sun is out. It's still crazy cold though. Like next level cold for an African.

Like Elsa, the cold never bothered me anyway. I was and still am very excited to try and experience as many things about a cold Christmas as I could. That includes The Vancouver Christmas Market. This is one of those things I have been dreaming about. I was picturing little stalls, carolers, mulled wine (which I don't drink but it sounds festive) and happiness.

I have to say, the market was a little underwhelming. It was pretty and there was carolers and mulled wine but that was about it. The stalls were good, lots of good food, all very German but not enough to wow me. The rest of the stuff was pretty much what you'd see at any other market, just several times over and totally overpriced for my liking. Also all the peeps dealt in cash which is ridiculous. Yes there were atms but the struggle. I'm in Canada now I can complain about First World Problems.

Gluten Free Candy. Because you know Canada.

On the whole, I was glad I went so I can tell people that it's a fun thing if you like Christmas things. Whether it's the stuff of Christmas dreams though, not so much.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

My Canadian Bucket List: See Snow

So it was your average Friday night, I was about to leave a friend's place when I heard someone mutter "Oh it's snowing." like it wasn't anything important. I tried to remain calm. But secretly I was aching to leave to see if it was true. And it was!

Coming from South Africa, I have never seen snow. We have it but we have never crossed paths. Although for as long as I remember I have dreamed of it happening. I feel the same way about Michael Fassbender.

Once outside I have never been happier. Well at that moment, I couldn't remember a time when I was happier. I think this picture says it all.

From the movies I was expecting soft blankety snow that fell around my face and sounded like angels singing. What I got was frozen raindrops that melt as soon as they touch you. But I didn't give a shit, snow really is magical. And I loved it. When though I arrived home wet and cold with my hair frizzing, it was worth it.

The next day was even better. My very first, winter wonderland.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Note: I would have taken more pictures if it wasn't so freaking cold. All this beauty comes at a price. 

My Canadian Bucket List: Watch An Ice Hockey Game

One of my favourite childhood memories was the Mighty Ducks movies. Here was an amazing trilogy that had humour, family values, eye candy (a pre-Pacey Joshua Jackson), intense sporting rivalries and of course ice hockey. Growing up in South Africa, all we had was field hockey. And like most things foreign and out of reach, ice hockey seemed exciting and something I needed in my life.

It's taken a couple of years but I finally got to experience my first ice hockey game. And not just any game. I was going to see the Vancouver Canucks (obvs because of location) playing the Anaheim Mighty Ducks. They were real and they were going to make my childhood self extremely happy. 

 

Things I Learned at My First Ice Hockey Game...

...You can't walk to your seat while the national anthem is playing.

...Oh Canada is an interesting national anthem.

...Hearing the Star Spangled Banner makes you think you're in a movie.

...Canucks fans are not happy with Kesler.

...It's a very quiet game, they play music during breaks and between plays to get the crowd going but otherwise it's very chilled.

...Canadians are even polite when watching sport. The meanest thing I heard was "You suck". Can you imagine if they had to go to a soccer or rugby game.

...It is a great date opportunity. As evident by the couple next to me. He talked her through the game and I tried to listen in without being a creep.

...Hockey sticks get broken easily.

...Grown ass men make ice skating look very graceful.

...Everyone knows the words to Sweet Caroline.

...During the periods, mini Canucks play a game. They are so cute and so little, my ovaries hurt.

...A player can catch a puck with his hand if it's high but he has to drop it straight after.

...Goalies can do the splits in their get-up.

...Beers come with lids on which is a lifesaver. 

...Some Ducks fans come with their own whistle which they blow when they score. 

...A penalty shootout is nerve-wracking in any sport.

...There is no Flying V :(

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh! 

My Canadian Bucket List: Poutine

In France it's croissants, in Japan it would be sushi, in Chicago deep dish pizza, in Canada it's all about the poutine.

Put simply, this is a dish comprised of french fries, gravy and cheese curds. It can be dressed up or down but either way, this is probably number one when it comes to comfort food.

I've heard that really good poutine can make you question all of life's decisions; really bad poutine can make you hate life. For this reason I resisted trying it until I found the right place. Then one day, out to work with my coworkers, I ordered a cheeseburger with poutine on the side. Shit got real.

When it arrived, it seriously looked decadent and inviting. I am a big fan of carbs. Seriously, I will twerk/cut/kill for carbs. So it didn't take long before I dived in.

And it was soooo good. Seriously. I fell in love and I ate the entire thing while my poor burger sat there unloved. If someone told me this was why Canadians are so friendly I'd believe them. It was really that good.

I foresee many winter nights with homemade poutine. Or probably store bought poutine because let's get real. Apart from giving you the foodie equivalent of a hug, this would also be the ultimate drunk food and the ultimate break up food. In fact I kinda want some boy to treat me really badly so I can overdose on poutine.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

My Life In Gifs: Hello Canada

Trying To Deal With The Overly Nice Canadians 

People's Reactions When You Tell Them You Don't Celebrate Halloween

My Thoughts on Whole Foods

 

Trying to Fit in with Vancouver Culture

Trying Some More

How I Feel Every Time I Have a Pumpkin Spice Latte

Trying To Say Fall Instead of Autumn

How I'm Dealing With My Finances 

What It's Like With Canadian Boys on Tinder In The Beginning

When They Get A Little Bold

When They Just Come Out and Ask For Nudes

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Things I have learned living abroad...

...you change as a person. This can be in a multitude of ways. For me, I have been able to say what I want and to stand up for yourself. I have been able to speak up when things are not working out or when I'm not happy. I've always been a "don't rock the boat" type of person so this is a whole 180 for me. And it feels good. Without it sounding swarmy or cheesy, you realise your worth and that when you're undervalued you need to speak up or step out or seek changes.

 

...time is very important. Never underestimate how little we all have. When you're only faced with a year you realise weeks, months, days matter in a way they never could. You can't take months to make decisions, you can't let shitty moods take over your entire week and cloud it, you can't stay or do things in the hope that stuff just needs time to get better.

...you will miss your family and friends and your whole previous life in varying ways. There are times when I have a bad day and realise I have no one here that will be there for me no matter what in the way your family is "obligated" to. There are times when I wish I could be transported back to my old flat, my old room, even my old car to just feel like things are going to be alright. There are times when all you need are the arms of a familiar friend to wrap around you, tell you you are loved and make you feel okay.

 

...you will meet some of the nicest people in the world that you instantly click with and wonder where have they been your entire life.

...you will also meet some of the not-so-nice people in the world and thank whoever in charge that you have been spared them for the majority of your life.

...you will avoid all social media because it can be a sad reminder of the life you left behind and how surprisingly the world has moved on without you. 

 

...you will also stalk all your friends online to ensure you don't miss a single moment of their lives so things never change. and you'll have friends who are still friends no matter what.

 

...you will apply hundreds of jobs and question your worth, your skills and your competence. You will get rejected by Starbucks (happened to my friend, also called Allison), you will be forced into group interviews and you will never hear back from people.

...you will do some jobs where you get unlimited praise, you will feel like you have achieved something and you'll feel great.

 

...you'll realise the same problems follow you everywhere and just shows that the world is not that different. Work will be hard or unfulfilling, boys won't call you back or be mean to you, there will be mean girls, there will money problems, there will be traffic problems, you will get caught in the rain without an umbrella and you will question why you made these life choices daily.

 

...you miss little things like getting coffee with your work besties, swapping stories the morning after with your girls and gays, your crazy family lunches, the taste of your mother's cooking, hugging your niece and nephew and your favourite bars and clubs.

 

...you realise how important it is, to have your house feel like a home. You feel like you can do anything if you start off from the right place.

...little things matter. Whether it's getting a cup of coffee every day or hanging up pictures of your friends and family, treating yourself to new clothes and nail polish, if they are your favourite things, they will make you happy. 

 

...things happen for a reason.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

My Canadian Bucket List: The Fair at the PNE aka Game of Thrones exhibition

This entry should be about The Fair at the PNE and *also* the Game of Thrones exhibition. When I think about a fair, I think rides, candy floss, bad burgers and stalls. The fair over here is all that except for the exhibition, a market place where they sell all that shit from TV and you have to pay extra for the rides. So since my main motivation was the GoT thang, that was all I aimed for.

To begin, I started working full time when the exhibition started. In retail, that means working erratic hours and impossible to plan shit. So I had the very last two days to actually go and see the exhibition. On the second to last day, I was told it was sold out. Not that there was an additional cost but because there were time tickets and there were too many people. Which meant I had to queue up an hour before the gates actually opened on the last day of the fair which also coincided with a national holiday. It was fun.

Luckily my determination too see the exhibition and sit on the iron throne was at an all-time high so I queued with families, screaming babies and other nerds. We were let in early and because they limit the amount of people, you could enjoy the exhibition without being rushed.

Naturally I made a beeline for the iron throne. And I like to be believe I look like a boss who could control Westeros.

Afterwards I went into the line for the 4D simulation thing. In this 'ride' you get locked up in a cage, get earphones and weird goggles and believe that you are really ascending the wall. There's cold weather and everything, you shiver. Then when you get to the top, you get attacked with a fire arrow and fall down. Down the wall. It scares the bejesus out of you. People shout out loud. I was strong enough to keep my screams in or rather the staff were too polite to tell me I didn't scream.

 Then I finally got a chance to see the rest of the exhibition. Even if you're not a die-hard fan, this shit is amazing. The costumes for one are next level. It will not believe the details up close. You're not allowed to touch them obviously but you don't need to appreciate the craftmanship.

The weapons and artifacts are also amaze. It's all about the little things. A lot of stuff you may miss in the series but remember from the books have been included. They're subtle little gifts to the fans and they're great.

As a book nerd, I really enjoyed seeing the sigils for all the houses. I'm House Martell till I die so happy they included some of the houses you wouldn't notice or recognise from the TV show.

The other fabulous thing was the remembrance wall. It was a vigil to all the fallen characters which included a very funny video actually.

The only bleh moment was the gift shop. As it was the last day I expected the dregs but what was left was really crappy. Not to mention ka-ching. Now all of Canada is ka-ching but these were pretty ridiculous. Not all geeks are software developers with spare money.

 This was a major item on my bucket list and I'm super happy I got to experience it.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!