Monday's Mantra

Here's this monday's mantra for you all, love seems to be the theme today.
Us Skinny Bitches are certainly not feeling the love.

This week I will realise that being single is fabulous, although I...
I believe he is out there.
I’m addicted to happy endings
I wish the world was one big fairytale
I’m jealous of Cinderella, Bella, Ariel and all those other bitches
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week: 'You Can’t Hurry Love'

Wish List # 4 The Power To Turn Gay Men

Us, skinny bitches like gay men. A lot. We actually love them. Most of our best girlfriends are gay. Most of our male friends are gay. So there’s a lot of love in this relationship. And why wouldn’t there be. Gay men are faboosh! Whether they’re stereotypically loud and bitchy or sensitive and caring or even into sports and completely straight-acting. We love love love spending time with them. They’re the perfect men apart for one big thing: other men.

Gay men have dressed us, comforted us and laughed with us. All while doing so in designer labels and smelling better than we do. The relationship could only be improved by some action in the bedroom. So there’s no surprise that if we had a multitude of wishes, we’d definitely wish to turn those cute, charming well-dressed, well-gelled men into appreciators of the female species. And we don’t just mean appreciating our outfits. We want those men to do more than stroke our hair. We’d ultimately like them pulling it in the throes of passion. Instead of dressing us in fabulous ensembles we’d like them to rip our clothes off without caring about the stitching. After we watch the Dirty Dancing together, we’d want to get down and dirty. Maybe even dance too.

Alas this is one thing we know we’ll never get. Sure some of willing to experiment but ladies, these ladies are only focused on men. So we’ll settle for being their hags. The girls they call when they want to go out for a latte. They girls they don’t getting undressed in front of. The girls they tell have lost weight over the phone. The girls they create a fabulous beehive updo for. And the girls they watch The Sound of Music with. Gay men, still pretty perfect.

We may not be allowed to have them but we can still look at them.

Here are the top 5 guys we wish we weren’t gay:

Simon Amstell

Kyan Douglas

Tom Ford

Luke Macfarlane

Adam Lambert

Monday's Mantra

We Skinny Bitches have always thought that a positive outlook on things is the best way to live your life. At times this is possible. Other times not so much. Like when you're scale announces you're now a healthy weight for a hefferlump or when you have to spend hours in traffic for a job you dislike or why no one believed Locke when he said they had to come back to the island and then he had to go and die.

For that reason it may be easier to take it one week at a time and live that week as fabulously as you can. So, Skinny Bitches are proud to announce Monday's Mantra. Each week we have a series of goals and affirmations that will dictate how we will get through the week.

Starting off with

This Week Green Eyes is going back to the gym.
We Believe in karma.
We're Addicted To cinnamon rolls. Mmmm!
We Wish it was August 1st.
We're Jealous Of Vanessa Hudgens. Why does she get to have Zac all to herself?
Soundtrack for the Week Money's Too Tight To Mention

The 'Terrorist' versus the Six Wives of Henry VIII

I thought I would let you in on a little conversation that Green Eyes and I had one night while drinking coffee at our favourite place Seattle whilst discussing the ins and outs of moving in together. It went something like this:

Blue Eyes: When we move out I want to take the 'Terrorist' (my cat) with me?

Green Eyes: But why?

Blue Eyes: Because I love him and he's really cute

Green Eyes: But I don't really like cats

Blue Eyes: huh! you like the 'Terrorist', how can you not...he likes you.

Green Eyes: well, if you're bringing your cat then I want fish.

Blue Eyes: WTF?

Green Eyes: yes! and I want 7

Blue Eyes: 7 fish? why on earth do you want 7 fish?

Green Eyes: I just do! And there names will be Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour...

Blue Eyes: hang on a sec, so you're telling me that you are going to name your fish after the wives of Henry the VIII?

Green Eyes: yes, why not?

Blue Eyes: and Im guessing the 7th fish is Henry VIII?

Green Eyes: yes

Blue Eyes: so are you planning to kill them off one at a time?

Green Eyes: you got it!

Blue Eyes: you're such a freak...well, I suppose in that case the 'Terrorist' can help you out there.

Green Eyes: see, I told you moving in together would work out.

So this is just one of many weird converstaions that we have had-a little preview in to how our minds work. I hope you atleast laughed at some point of reading that conversation. I know I did.

B.E.

Fabulous New Blogs!

I've added some fabulous new blogs to the "Blogs We Heart" section:

- Being Brazen - you can never have too many musings from Cape Town girls.
- Superficial Girls - her make-up tips and reviews are amazing!
- PINKNIC - everything is so pretty. and pink!
- The Soapbox - SA's youth commentating on everything from sports to politics to fashion. You can also contribute.

All the links to our favourite blogs are on the right-hand side. You have to check them out.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Skinny Bitches Progress Report

I have to completely agree with Green Eyes, although we're on a journey, it has to be one of the most fanatstic rides of all. We're considerably lucky to live the lives we do, and yes, we are fabulous, always have been and always will be. there's no argument there. But every journey has a destination, so I'd like to update you on how our ride is going.

First of all, because Im always so proud of Green Eyes (she doesn't realise how much), but damm if that girl wants something, she'll go out and get it. So Id like to announce that she has lost a total of 4000 grams (that's 4kg for u miserable kg fitness counter freaks). 4000 grams!!! that's sooo much. How I see it, is if you convert that to rands, that equals R4000 and do you know what you can get for R4000?.. tons of cool shit, so well done Green Eyes...plus your Anne Boleyn thin waist looks FAB! How am I doing on the skinny front? well I keep running up-and-down stairs all day at work, so it better be paying off otherwise I'll insist they put a lift in.

Okay, so on the male/boyfrined front. Well Green Eyes had The Gay Best Friend down for a week or two and I think she's all 'maled' out for now. Me, Im actually debating whether to answer a booty call...I mean a cup of coffee call..(Freudian Slip), so some advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't know why I have to think about this so hard...but it'll get to the point when the phone goes dead, if you know what I mean, so I have to make a decision soon.

Another Skinny Bitch in the Making dream is to move out of the nest and directly into the heart of the CBD. If you haven't noticed, we have a countdown clock on the right-hand side which calculates our moving out deadline to be 1 August 2009. This should happen, just as long as 1. I get a raise, 2. Green Eyes doesn't find a job in the magazine world which pays less and 3. we're both debt free. Does anyone see a problem? I certainly don't.


And last, but not least, our careers. Green Eyes and myself were chatting the other day in her car (aptly named Lady M) and decided that she has a job and that I have a career. Purely for the fact that I love mine and she doesn't. But before you think she's an ungreatful skinny bitch, please remember where her heart lies...in magazine journalism. And yes, she has been making an effort, she's enrolled herself for two courses which will help her reach her career goals in more ways than one, and we're constantly on the look out for career opportunities for her. Just hoping if a career opportunity arises that it pays well, but career first, moving-out second, that's our deal. Im loving work for the most part. I didn't realise what a big learning curve it would actually be, how naive am I. But I work with a great team who offer all the support I need (chocolate, coffee, hugs, gossiping). I just need to grow a pair if balls. I didn't realise that in order to be a Skinny Bitch you had to have a pair, I was just concentraing on the being skinny part. I'll have to work much harder on the bitch part.

Checklist:

• Skinny Bitches - CHECK
• Boyfriends - who needs them right now when we're having too much fun
• Moving Out - CHECK deadline looming
• Career - half a CHECK

So all-in-all I think progress is being made. Maybe not in a direct way, but definately for the better and we are closer to our Skinny Bitch dreams.

Skinny Bitch out

B.E.

Don't Forget to Vote!

Just a reminder if you're a South African. Tomorrow is not just a public holiday but also national elections. Polling stations are open from 07h00 until 21h00. Everyone can make an effort to get there. And just in case you need some extra incentive, Wimpy is offering a free coffee when you present your ink-stained finger.



And why not enjoy your free cuppa with a nice and tasty roll from Nandos. The chicken peeps are also doing their bit for democracy.




Happy Voting!

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!

F My Life

Do you ever feel like your life is just blah and nothing good ever happens. I used to feel like that all the time. Now I realize that I am on a journey and that fabulous lives just don’t happen overnight. I’ve only started to take an interest in my health, love life and job status so I’ve accepted that for the moment things will not be oh-so-marvelous. And if I’m honest, I actually have a faboosh life. I have amazing friends, my own car, a well-paying job and I live in the best city in the world. But since society defines you by health, wealth and love, I tend to jump off my high horse pretty quickly.

That was until I discovered my new favourite addiction. My new favourite website is http://www.fmylife.com. It’s been around for ages but I only cotton on recently. And it is amazing! People submit their crappy life moments and we all get to revel in them.

So if you’re in a horrible mood cos life is just not going your way, hop on over to the site and feel miles better. Here are some of my favourite fmylife posts:

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there.

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. (Skinny Bitches note – don’t see any problem with that!)

Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. \

Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly resembled sex sounds my wife makes. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night.

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago.

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time.

Today, I sent my girlfriend of 4 years a text message saying, 'I love you more than anything.' She then replies, 'Hahah! Was that a fucking joke?' I reply, 'No, why would it be?' She then replied, 'Cause I'm talking to the girl you've been cheating with me on for five months.'

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant".

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friend’s birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living.

Today, I woke up a little after seven. I felt sick to my stomach because last night was my bachelor party and I drank more than I ever have before. I checked my phone, and I had received 42 missed calls. It was seven o'clock pm. Today was my wedding day.

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!

I ♥ Cape Town

Because I work in an office in an uncool part of Cape Town, Observatory to be exact, there is nothing I relish more than having some time off from being an office administrator and enjoying Cape Town. If you have never been here, you won't understand. If you have, you'll understand perfectly. Remember in Sex and The City where Carrie says she's dating the city? Well Cape Town and I are having a scandalous affair. Unfortunately we cannot have a full-blown relationship as Cape Town has many lovers and as I rule I do not date Man Hos. But this week felt as if his wife had gone to visit her parents for the week and we didn't have to worry about being caught.

Starting with the public holiday on Monday, the girls and I headed on the scary N2 to Lourensford Wine Estate for the Coke Zero Fest. Armed with copius amounts of sunscreen, rockstar sun glasses and an '80s rock complilation, we arrived in the middle of the SA bands sets. I had an absolutely fabulous time despite the +30 degree heat. There was cheap booze, cute boys (many without shirts) and awesome music.

By the time Panic At The Disco came on stage, I had wrangled myself to the front of the area. This was great for catching glimspes of Brendon Urie (who I am soooooo in love with) but bad for stability. With the sun beating down hard in sweltering heat, I almost fainted. Eventually the Blonde Princess had to go and get me some sugar because there was no way I was giving up my spot so some 12-year-old emo girl could swoon over Brendon instead of me. And it was totally worth it, although they don't have a huge following in SA, Panic totally rocked the house. Snow Patrol were on next and by this time, my blood sugar levels were back up and the sun was setting. Gary, the lead singer has to be the most polite muscian ever or just very charming. He had 12 000 people hanging on his every word.

Without a doubt Snow Patrol were the highlight of the fest. And a tough act to follow. As Oasis found out. Their lacklustre performance meant I spent more time at the food stalls than listening. They almost redeemed themselves with Wonderwall and Champagne Supernova but it was not enough to win back the crowd. Another thing, I'm sure the crowd didn't enjoy was the eternity to took to get out of the parking lot. We were lucky enough to only spend an hour waiting. The Gay Best Friend was still there by the time I had dropped the Sports Fan at home, washed all the day's dirt off and was getting ready for bed.

Tuesday night was another fabulous night in the city. Had dinner with lots of people I like and some I really dont at Beluga. I had the most amazing Springbok fillet. Am still dreaming about it. Between Tuesday and Wednesday night, I have visited almost every gay bar on the pink strip. The Gay Best Friend has been moaning about the lack of good homo clubbing in his hometown of Durban. Because I have Catholic guilt, I agreed to take him dancing. I love gay bars but if see one more disco ball I will freak! Wednesday and Thursday were all about chillaxing. We had full body hot stone massages and paraffin waz pedis at a spa. Then we spent the next day in bed watching Will & Grace and eating leftover easter eggs. Bliss. The week has been ended off by watching 17 Again. Zac Efron! There are no words!

Except come of age, I feel dirty oogling you.

Today has been my last day of holiday and I spent it by going to the gym and buying things for my diet which I plan to resume soonish! Tomorrow will be spent attending a course and then heading to a farm for a birthday party. I'm only excited by one of those events.

All in all though, my love affair with the city has been spectacular and I cannot wait to have another tryst.

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!

Thanks to http://www.6000.co.za/; http://www.bizcommunity.com/; and http://www.capetowndailyphoto.com/ for the pictures.

oh no, I just ate the entire bunny....

OMG, right now I feel completely and utterly sick. The only thing that is saving me from turning green is the strong smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen as I type. But I just couldn't help myself. Let me explain myself, from the beginning.


Two of my bestest friends are Catholic and so each year lent dawns upon them, and me being a fabulous person (although notably not catholic), join in on the fasting of some luxury/indulgent 'thing'. The first year I can't remember what I gave up (probably swearing), the second it was Coca Cola (and yes I haven't touched it since, power to me), last year...mmm can't remember, and this year I unforgivenly gave up CHOCOLATE. Now I know what you're thinking, "stupid girl" and you're right. I should have given up sweets, vegetables, wearing jeans, but I didn't and it was too late for me to go back on my word and so the long month began. It went surprisingly well, even though at work I had two chocolate bars sitting in my desk drawer and the fact that my own mother kept 'accidentally' buying all things chocolate (as revenge I suspect). But the tables turned on thursday when, after a shit week at work, I caved in and had some early easter choccie. Did I feel guilty you ask? No, I was riding to high on those damm endorphins.



The problem came this morning when I woke to a little golden bunny with a red bow and bell around his neck. I think you all know what Im referring to, YES, my very own Lindt Bunny. Poor bunny didn't last very long as I started munching his ears, then tail and then suddenly 'poof' he was gone. Now I don't feel guilty for the bunny, I mean, he was created for the purpose of being eaten by someone who would appreciate him, someone like me. I just feel utterly gross now, like too much chocolate, way too fast can never be a good thing, even if it is Lindt. So now as I type this, im staring at the picture below this (of the bunnies) and I feel awful....I do not feel skinny, however I do feel like a glutton bitch.

A word to the wise....if you eat chocolate you will never become skinny...

B.E.