Dear Future Boyfriend Part Fourteen

Valentine’s Day is around the corner. Now it seems a lot of girls and guys actually do this thing where they say they don’t want anything for VD; it’s a stupid day. I’m not going to lie to you. The day is over the top but I want something.

Now this is where the easy bit comes in. I am easy. Not like that unless I’ve made my way through happy hour (that will all change when I meet you baby). I like little things. I like handmade things. I like sparkly things. Basically I like presents. So the way I react to a getting a small Snickers is very similar to the way I act when  receive a trip around the world. I am all about celebrating the little things and happy moments in life. Sidebar – this quality will either be endearing when you’re struggling to find some joy or it will be crazy annoying when you want to sulk and I tell you to count your blessings. The best part is we’ll only know once we’re older. It’s an adventure!

So when you and I are celebrating all those fabulous Valentine’s Days in the future, you’ll know that all you need to do to make me happy is give me a homemade card or a single rose or a box of Snickers and I’ll be swooning. But if you ever feel like you want to up the ante on VD then I have put together a list of some great romantic gestures from pop culture. Not trying to scare you or anything but holidays and special occasions with me are gonna blow your mind. You’ll want to be prepared.

Beauty and the Beast

At this point in the movie, Beast wants to do something a little special for Belle. She’s kinda feeling him but he and his boys knows, it’s the grand gesture that really wins the girl or at the very least shows exactly how you feel. So Beast does his research and thinks about what this lady would like; and he produces a libraby for her. As a self-confessed bookworm, there is no other way to drop those panties. Nice one!

Friends

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In a flashback, we get to see the extent of how much Ross cares for Rachel. When the poor girl is stood up right before her prom, he does the gallant thing and dresses up in his dad’s suit and gets ready to take her to the prom. Now we all now, that gesture didn’t go exactly as planned and they never went to prom together. Years later though Rachel was deeply touched and much, much later, they end up together for good. Because they’re each other’s lobsters!

Pride and Prejudice

Okay so first Mr Darcy storms in all hot and shit and proposes to Elizabeth Bennet. But he seems to forget that throughout all the time him and her have spent together he’s a big old dick. He thinks she should grateful by the proposal (which in those times, she should) but his way of admitting he loves her (but trying to repress it) fucks everything up. Lately as they get to know each other properly he finds a way to save her family from ill-repute and does a very generous thing. Again, in those times, their reputation was everything. And the best bit is, he doesn’t want any recognition for it. Humble, generous and sexy; 10 points for Mr Darcy.

The Notebook

Noah is one of those great guys who has so many awesome qualities that it’s hard to single out the one. So let’s not. Let’s go through each one of these gestures and marvel at what a great beacon of inspiration he is.

1. He builds Allie her dream house in the hope she’ll come back to him.

2. He knows how much she loves to paint so he creates an artist’s room for her to spend time with her passions.

3. He’s a bird because she’s a bird.

4. When they’re old and she suffers from Alzhemier’s, he checks into the same care home and spends each day reading their story to her in the hope it’ll all come back to her for a few moments when they’re just themselves again.

Noah and Allie forever.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh! 

Images from here, here and here. 

An Open Letter To...

…the creators of chick-flicks. You have ruined my life. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy your movies immensely, I watch them all the time and thus have a horrible romantic life.

I waste so much time looking for guys with sparkly skin or secret royal lineages in the hope that I can be the one who makes a difference in their lives, you know be “the only thing that’s real” or at least get them to go outside and strip. Shiny things make me happy.

I am probably ignoring dozens of perfectly eligible men because I’m on the lookout for boys with posh British accents who are willing to partake in sad attempts of fighting for my honour. Never mind that these same guys will cheat on me with skinny-ass tanned women or that they prefer a little something-something from ladies of the night, Hugh Grant I’m talking to you, I’m hooked.

I dance my ass off at clubs because I have come to believe many hot guys are not only sensitive souls but can also bust a move and one day we’ll end up doing choreography in a street together.

I want to wait in the rain because I’ve learnt not only will I look radiant and my mascara won’t run but that guy, the one that got away will find me and we’ll have a moment and kiss and totally ignore the fact my shirt is see-through.

You have convinced me that a kiss is a gazillion times better when it’s accompanied by a killer soundtrack. Also running into each other’s arms makes for great dramatic moments. On a side-note, have you ever tried that? It’s hard to master and if you’re out of sync, teeth bash, foreheads bump and someone lands up on the floor.

I also fear that when I do find love without an elaborate gesture I may not believe it. If there is no guy with cue cards telling me I’m perfect or a John Cusack look-a-like holding up a classic 80s song on a boombox, how will I know if it’s real. If a guy is not willing to slay an evil sea witch or go to prison ‘cause some little bitch of a sister falsely accused him of something then I’m gonna eject his ass.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Image from here.

The Best Films of All Time Vs. The Best Chick Flicks

Blue Eyes and I decided we were going to get one of those 101 lists of movies you have to watch before you die. Then we got sidetracked and decided we'd better start small and actually start a list we can finish. The result was a list of the 50 best chick flicks. The list was on a TV show a while back but we never noted the movies. Now I have a list below and it looks like this (the Xs are the ones I've seen):

50-Sweet Home Alabama X
49-Mystic Pizza X
48-Mean Girls X
47-Bring It On X
46-10 Things I Hate About You X
45-Waiting To Exhale
44-Father Of The Bride X
43-How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days X
42-Never Been Kissed X
41-Chocolat
40-Splash
39-A League Of Their Own X
38-Moonstruck
37-The Bridges of Madison County
36-Untamed Heart
35-St. Elmo's Fire X
34-Muriel's Wedding X
33-Wedding Crashers X
32-Pretty In Pink X
31-Friend Green Tomatoes
30-Romeo & Juliet X
29-My Big Fat Greek Wedding X
28-First Wives Club X
27-Joy Luck Club
26-Notting Hill X
25-Wedding Planner X
24-Clueless X
23-Bodyguard X
22-Sixteen Candles X
21-Four Weddings & A Funeral X
20-Pride & Prejudice X
19-Working Girl
18-Love Actually X
17-My Best Friends Wedding X
16-Jerry Maguire X
15-Legally Blonde X
14-Say Anything
13-The Way We Were
12-While You Were Sleeping X
11-Bridget Jone's Diary X
10-Thelma & Louise
9-The Notebook X
8-Terms Of Endearment
7-Ghost X
6-Dirty Dancing X
5-Sleepless in Seattle
4-When Harry Met Sally
3-Steel Magnolias X
2-Pretty Woman X
1-Beaches X

That's a total of 35, I think, I did Standard Grade Maths ;).

So we don't have too many to catch up on unlike the other list where I expect a much bigger number (more on that later in the week).

How many of you seen?

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Things That I ♥ and Things That Bug Me

Things I ♥:

Pride and Prejudice. Whether it’s the book, the Keira Knightley version, Bridget Jones adaptation or the one where Colin Firth dives into the lake. They are all amazing and all evoke good feelings inside the tummy.

How a pair of lumunious pink tights (like the pair I’m wearing today) can make your whole day better. Patterned stockings and brightly coloured tights with boots are totally going to be the things I will miss most about winter.

Getting to wear make-up again. I spent the whole of the weekend looking like a swamp creature. Finally my hair is straight and clean, my face is no longer pale and I can wear makeup again. I took full advantage of this fact but doubling the eyeliner and applying bronzer everywhere. I was so overdone for work and I didn’t even care!

Cupcakes. One of my favourite things about working where I do is that when it’s an employee’s birthday we get cakes. Lots of it. And right now, nothing tastes better than a chocolate cupcake. Mmm, there are even Astros on top. Today is going to be a good week, two birthdays to celebrate. Lots more cake.

Things That Bug Me

People who cannot express themselves articulately enough so they make every second word a curse. Now do not get me wrong, I have nothing against swearing. When I’m drunk, I sound like a fisherman’s wife. And sometimes there is no better answer to a shocking story than the F word. But if you feel the need to insert a cuss after every word

The fear of leaving the bathroom stall with my dress tucked into my knickers. It hasn’t happened yet but I’m petrified. Even more so, I doubt anyone would tell me as to be polite. Then I’d get home, Blue Eyes would say something and I’d be filled with mortification for a year. The only consolation I have is that I’ve thrown out all my ugly underwear and if it does happen, people will be getting a glimpse of some sexy lace numbers.

That for the first time in my life, I really, really want to go to gym and I cannot. The fat kid inside of me has been waiting for this to come forever and now thanks to my doctor I will only be working out next week. I may have gained a gazillion more kilos by then.

Boys who are bigger drama queens than girls. I am all about the drama, it’s one of the things that make me special. When someone else takes away my production time and that someone is not one of my beloved gays, then I get really mad. I have spent the last couple of hours listening to a grown man moan more than my two-year old nephew when it’s bath time. Are my ears bleeding? Because it certainly feels like that.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

50 Random Things about Skinny Bitches In the Making

So we've seen this on loads of blogs and on Facebook. It also needs no explanation, as the clue is in the title.
We've noted that most bloggers tag others on the blog. We are too lazy to do that. But we would really like to read your random things. So please feel free to comment below. We do realise that most cool people have posted this ages ago so if you have, please send us the link.

Green Eye's 25 Random things

1. I really want to be a writer.
2. I wear high heels to work everyday no matter how much they hurt.
3. I think skinny women who don't dress down are letting down the team. You have the canvas, create a masterpiece.
4. I love watching Sex & The City in bed on a Sunday morning with a poached egg and a coffee (My favourite episode is The Good Fight).
5. I never know what to say to people who've just had someone special die.
6. I judge people who use their Facebook status to tell their boyfs or girlfs how much they "...love you baby xxx."
7. My perfect guy would wear glasses.
8. I love spending time with my friends but I cannot do it everyday. I need my own space.
9. If I had to enter a reality show, I'd go for The Amazing Race. I know I'd rock it.
10. I am convinced that one of my co-workers has the entire office bugged.
11. My favourite food in the world is sandwiches.
12. I love discovering new blogs and going through all their archives.
13. Guys in skinny jeans are hot.
14. I care what people think. A lot.
15. When I'm sad, a can of coke used to make me feel better. Now that I'm on a diet and cannot have sugar, there is no substitute.
16. "Yes Sir I Can Boogie" is my favourite song to sing when I drive.
17. I never try on clothes in a shop. I wait till I get home because I am afraid of changing-room mirrors.
18. I think Elizabeth Bennet and Mr Darcy were kinky in bed.
19. The thought of being pregnant scares me.
20. When I grow up I want to be like Baglett.
21. My eyes change colour depending on the weather and what I'm wearing. When I wear olive green, my eyes have yellow specks.
22. I don't particularly like any animals.
23. I wish Simon Amstell wasn't gay.
24. I make wishes on eyelashes and at 11:11.
25. I always wish the same wish. It still hasn't come true.

Blue Eye's 25 Random Things

1. I love the smell of cats paws, petrol, freshly cut grass and ground coffee.
2. Financial budgets are my thing.
3. Jane Austen is awesome.
   
4. I think I will be famous one day.
   
5. I know way too many gay men for my own liking, where did all the straight men go!
   
6. On friday nights I like to dance around my living room singing along to 80's music-hairbrush in hand.
7. Chocolate is not an addiction, it's an understanding.
   
8. I'm in love with the idea of being in love.
9. I consider my friends to be my family.
   
10. I don't believe in calling someone a hypocrite, we're all allowed to change our minds and opinions every once and awhile.
    
11. I love those prawn chips from woolies, they're addictive.
    
12. I think the best company you can keep is your own, there's nothing more satisfying than spending time alone with your thoughts and thinking about your life and where you're at and where you're heading.
    
13. Religion, race, sexuality...who you are has nothing to do with who I am, so be whatever/whoever you want to be.
    
14. It's hard for me to forget the things that hurt and the people who have hurt me.
    
15. I think fairytales can happen.
    
16. I'm a rock chick at heart.
    
17. I hate being so logical and sensible sometimes, why can't I just fuck up for once and not care about it.
    
18. I'm a perfectionist, but you'd never know if you saw the state of my room.
    
19. I've only been in love once, and once is enough for now, I don't want to go through that again.
    
20. I hate it when people don't like me, I'm likeable???
    
21. Lyrics and melodies are my closest companions.
    
22. I would rather go out for dinner and drinks, than party it up at some club.
    
23. I rarely listen to a whole song in one go, I always skip to the best parts and then on to the next song.
    
24. I'm not into politics, I try, I just don't get it or I just don't want to.
    
25. I don't like to be called by my full name, I feel I am being reprimanded, nicknames are best.

Wish List # 2 - Edward Cullen

For those people are who are not teenage girls or men, Edward Cullen needs no introduction.

Ever since Mr Darcy, the ladies of the world have been looking for more literature heroes that make us swoon and say all the right things. Of course there was Noah from The Notebook and Robbie Turner in Atonement, but the modern woman is never satisfied with just one. And so comes along Edward Cullen.

If you’ve devoured the Twilight book series like the Cullens family devour animal blood, you’ll need no reason for an explanation why we want him. Also since, Angel ended, we need our fill of hottie vampires.

First spotted in the Twilight novel published in 2005, Edward Cullen is an immortal, century-old vampire with Adonis-like looks and super human strength. There’s a lot going for a man that doesn’t age. Granted he’s not an uggo with date-rapist eyes. He’s been described as having golden eyes and full lips. All the better to see and taste you with?!

Excluding the vampire part, Edward is essentially an older man who drives an Aston Martin, has bags of money, rock hard abs and wouldn’t expect you to put out for some time. It’s the fear of the super human strength crushing you to death while you’re getting busy. A patient, sensitive stud with a hot car…please form an orderly queue ladies.

In 2008, no casting director did more for the leading-man starved female public, than by casting Robert Pattinson as Edward. The author, Stephanie Meyer had her hopes set on Henry Cavil though. You know that dark, brooding sex-on-legs from The Tudors. Unfortunately Cavil was the wrong side of 25 and thus Pattinson, who was last seen in one of the Harry Potter movies, was cast. After his magical and swoon-inducing performance, it’s hard to imagine why some fans protested against him. They obviously haven’t seen him without his shirt off.

Set to return in the remaining movie adaptations of the books, Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen is exactly what a skinny bitch needs.

Until we get him, here are some of our favourite Edward quotes:

“If I could dream at all, it would be about you.And I'm not ashamed of it.”

“I prefer brunettes.” (Skinny bitches note – our personal favourite!)

“I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist.” (Skinny bitches note – add your own name in place of Bella’s for kicks!)

“He called you pretty....that's practically an insult, the way you look right now. You're much more than beautiful.”

Ex-oh! Ex-oh!