Vodka = Bad

So this past weekend, the Skinny Bitches decided to open up our doors and a dozen bottles of wine for our housewarming. Luckily Cape Town was blessed with great weather so we could use our balcony for the first time. We were also incredibly lucky to have some amazing friends and coworkers, all of whom brought us awesome presents. You guys rock. Seriously it was like Christmas all over again. The only bad part of it all, the vodka. This is a warning to everyone out there, do not drink multiple shots of neat vodka, no matter how cute it is when it’s all wrapped up or even if it’s flavoured. Because the next morning you will suffer. If you ever needed proof there were evils things in the world, here it is. And the worst part is I am still suffering. All I want is my bed.

Despite our heads spinning and hanging like an alkie, we still managed to keep a breakfast date the next morning. Whilst wearing dark glasses of course! This breakfast date gave us the opportunity to answer the question, where are all the hot men? Answer: having breakfast together. Despite feeling really fragile, we were still able to check out the hot boys. And the best bit there was a boy to suit everyone’s taste. And they were all sitting together. It was the best remedy two hungover skinny bitches could get. There was the cute one who’d make you a hot water bottle when you have cramps, there was the hot one who you’d feel was too good looking to be yours, there was the hipster one who was so cutting edge it hurts, there was the dirty sexy one who you’d want to tie up and do bad things to and then there was one with the best smile and the type of hair you just want to stroke. It was such a mission to leave the restaurant. Particularly because our flat resembled an advertisement for a bomb site.

I am so happy the day is drawing to a close. Now I can go home and do what I have been thinking about all day, have some pizza, watch Hairspray and sleep. Good times.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Monday's Mantra

This week all I want to do is sleep and watch Gossip Girl.
I believe I will never look at vodka the same way.
I'm addicted to alcohol.
I wish I had had more sleep.
I'm jealous of sober folk.
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week Relax, Take It Easy.

Enough Said

"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - that you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else, a person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. And it's as if a hand has come out, and taken yours."

Hector to Posner, The History Boys (2006)

Friday, Housewarming and No Cleavage

It’s Friday and it’s payday. Could there be any other reason to be happy. Just looking at my bank balance alone makes me smile. Then I realize it’s Friday and I keep on smiling. It’s one of those days where nothing can make me sad. I’m also wearing patterned stockings and that always puts me in a better mood. Also District 9 and Coco Avant Chanel both open up this weekend. Tres exciting. This will be a good time to take advantage of those awesome movies and meals specials The Labia is having.

Looking forward to the weekend. Tomorrow is our housewarming and we’re really excited. Mainly because there will be a dozen bottles of wine in our flat. Unfortunately it is not all for us but when in Rome. I think there is no better way to enjoy your new flat than drunk. We also decided to be friendly neighbours and invite the rest of the complex. This is our way of letting them know the 80s will be on full blast and also to spot the elusive cute guy. On our moving day, we were not looking our best because we were moving furniture and didn’t know anyone in our building yet. As a result, we were sweaty, red in the face and wearing less-than-fashionista attire. Of course, that bitch of a law, Murphy, brought a total hottie to our door whilst we were moving. What did total hottie do, apart from seeing us look fugly, he offered to help. We politely declined, because we did have loads of help, but also because we don’t want to be remembered as the ugly girls who listen to boybands from downstairs. We haven’t seen him since but we’re hoping that will all change this weekend. Unless of course he’s got a girlfriend.

In other news, I have been approached by a new magazine launching next year to do a style diary. This would be great, except for the fact that said magazine is targeted at Muslim women and the diary will be all about me stepping out of my comfort zone and dressing according to Sharia Law. That’s the law that states, and I’m paraphrasing badly here, that women need to be covered up. Considering I think my cleavage is my best asset and none of my dresses go below the knee, this is going to be a challenge. I’ve already started thinking about wardrobe choices and basically I’m screwed. I am an out and out dress girl. My ass looks huge in jeans but I think pants will be the safest bet. Stay tuned to hear me griping about it later.

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Facebook Status Update Fail

It’s one of those days where I want to be anyway but at work. I really just want to curl up in bed and watch Gilmore Girls. That was until two fabulous things happened:

*I got a copy of this month’ Cosmopolitan which includes a voucher for a free Vida hot chocolate. I’m going in a few minutes to claim!

*I discovered my new favourite website, Passive Aggressive Notes. And it’s pure splendor! Not only are there sections dedicated to coworkers who steal your lunch but there are numerous Facebook status gone wrong sections. This are my absolute favourite! Here are a selection:

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Beautiful Things

When you see beautiful things, there is nothing else to do but share.

I was browsing the new items pages on Net-a-Porter and found these beauties. Unfortunately after browsing I was once again wishing to be a trust fund baby. I love my family but if I found out they weren’t really blood relatives and I actually belonged to a Greek shipping heir, I would be okay. Whilst I contemplating trying to prove my inheritance, ala Anastasia, have a look at these amazing pieces. I want!

This draped jersey knit from Lounge Lovers would look amazing with a pair of wet look treggings or some skinny jeans. I wouldn't over accessorize cos the draped neck is already a key point to the outfit. I would however add a brooch or flower, just to brighten it up. Also a pair of red heels would be killer.

Being short I can never really wear thigh high boots. On me they'd basically be pants. But I can still dream. These Louboutin boots are so fabulous. I would pair them with a mini LBD and a denim jacket. This outfit is all about the boots. And apparently I'm not the only one to think so, the boots are sold out already.




How freakin' sexy is this Hervé Léger dress. With the right curves (and some magic knickers), it is sex on legs. I'm also thinking messy hair and purple eyeshadow for some reason.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Monday's Mantra

This week needs to move fast. I want another weeked.
I believe that my roommate has the best fashion sense; I look & feel fab today all because of what I am wearing. (Isn't Blue Eyes a charmer!)
I'm addicted to the new Stefania Morland collection. Fashion Week was amazing!
I wish summer was in full swing.
I'm jealous of all those people sat in the front row at Fashion Week.
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week It's a small world after all.

In A Perfect World...

...Fashion and Food would mix. From an email from the Social Butterfly.

Our 100th Post

Not exactly a moment for champers and streamers but still. Yeah! Happy 100th Post!

Suppose it's still a mystery that we have so much nonsense to talk about. Actually that's not true. Given the time, we could talk so much you'd think it was our job. And that we worked overtime ;)

So the mystery is that we managed to make it to post 100. And the answer is due to you awesome readers and followers and commentators ('cause who doesn't love some comments). We heart you mucho! And the msytery is solved. Jeez, perhaps that should be my day job!

Thanks again bitches!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

It's Finally Friday!

Happy Friday everyone.

Is everyone else as happy as I am it’s the weekend. I think it’s mostly to do with the fact I spent last weekend in an antibiotic-fueled coma. This weekend I plan to spend firmly in the land of the living. I’m in a really good mood and for a couple of reasons:

Right now I’m chilling at my desk, munching on peanut butter on toast and sipping on a latte from Vida. Pure splendor in my definition.

Tomorrow the Skinny Bitches, along with The Politician, will be heading off to Arise Cape Town Fashion Week. We have fabulous outfits planned. Mine will be the grey Galaxy-inspired dress with pink stockings and some fierce wedges. Blue Eyes will be rocking a cobalt blue jersey dress and some sexy boots. We’ll be sipping champers, checking out the duds and hobnobbing with the fashionistas. Tres exciting!

My favourite book, from the Babylon series, has been made into a BBC series. Fashion Babylon by Imogen Edward Jones has been made into the six-part Material Girl. If you’ve read the book, you’ll understand my excitement. And when it comes to TV, who does it better than the BBC. Not sure when it will be in SA but I’m sure DVD Nouvea can help with that.

Today was Mr Uppity’s birthday. Which means we had more cake this week. Even though a cupcake makes everything better, it doesn’t compare to the bag of jelly beans I got given and have now stashed in my bag in case any of my co-workers see them. I should share but they are so good, I think I can be excused for not wanting to part with them.

Not much longer to go before work ends. Which means the weekend will officially have begun. Hope you all have a good one.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

The Sun Is In The Sky...

...why oh why would I wanna be anywhere else.

That may be the case today, yesterday was a different story. If you didn't hear about it, Cape Town was flooded. Look at the pictures taken of our office park:

Things That I ♥ and Things That Bug Me

Things I ♥:

Pride and Prejudice. Whether it’s the book, the Keira Knightley version, Bridget Jones adaptation or the one where Colin Firth dives into the lake. They are all amazing and all evoke good feelings inside the tummy.

How a pair of lumunious pink tights (like the pair I’m wearing today) can make your whole day better. Patterned stockings and brightly coloured tights with boots are totally going to be the things I will miss most about winter.

Getting to wear make-up again. I spent the whole of the weekend looking like a swamp creature. Finally my hair is straight and clean, my face is no longer pale and I can wear makeup again. I took full advantage of this fact but doubling the eyeliner and applying bronzer everywhere. I was so overdone for work and I didn’t even care!

Cupcakes. One of my favourite things about working where I do is that when it’s an employee’s birthday we get cakes. Lots of it. And right now, nothing tastes better than a chocolate cupcake. Mmm, there are even Astros on top. Today is going to be a good week, two birthdays to celebrate. Lots more cake.

Things That Bug Me

People who cannot express themselves articulately enough so they make every second word a curse. Now do not get me wrong, I have nothing against swearing. When I’m drunk, I sound like a fisherman’s wife. And sometimes there is no better answer to a shocking story than the F word. But if you feel the need to insert a cuss after every word

The fear of leaving the bathroom stall with my dress tucked into my knickers. It hasn’t happened yet but I’m petrified. Even more so, I doubt anyone would tell me as to be polite. Then I’d get home, Blue Eyes would say something and I’d be filled with mortification for a year. The only consolation I have is that I’ve thrown out all my ugly underwear and if it does happen, people will be getting a glimpse of some sexy lace numbers.

That for the first time in my life, I really, really want to go to gym and I cannot. The fat kid inside of me has been waiting for this to come forever and now thanks to my doctor I will only be working out next week. I may have gained a gazillion more kilos by then.

Boys who are bigger drama queens than girls. I am all about the drama, it’s one of the things that make me special. When someone else takes away my production time and that someone is not one of my beloved gays, then I get really mad. I have spent the last couple of hours listening to a grown man moan more than my two-year old nephew when it’s bath time. Are my ears bleeding? Because it certainly feels like that.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Skinny Bitches Down

Hey everyone.

Just a quick note to say sorry for the lack of posts. But both Skinny Bitches have been down with illness. We're back at work, I'm looking like a girl again and we're so excited to start reading all your updates over the last few days. Work can wait!

We'll be posting again very soon.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Summer Loving

The weather in Cape Town has been funny lately. On Saturday we had that fabulous sunny day where we could all wear dresses, drink wine in the sun and wear sunnies. On Sunday I also wore a dress, with a cardi but still the weather was pleasant. Since Monday however, it has been nipples cold and we’re all forced to wear dozens of layers. As I cannot do anything but dream of summer, I thought I’d better start preparing for it. This is when all the overseas fashion websites are tres helpful as they are coming out of summer and we’re going into it. Lots of summer outfit inspiration. I’ve been viewing Polyvore like it’s my job.

Here’s what I’ve come up with:

After Sunset Cocktails

I am in love with this purple Marchesa dress I found on Net-A-Porter. I would rock it with champagne pink peep-toes, black corsage on my hand, dark, smokey eye make-up and a cosmopolitan.

City Strolling

Considering I now live in the hipster hood of Kloof Street, I have to keep up with the cool kids. This cool yet stylish ensemble is how I'm going to do it. The dress and shoes are all me, and the fedora is just a touch of hip. The Chanel sunnies are of course out of reach but they would bring a touch of class to the look.

Working 9-5

I work in an office that's very casual. People can wear outfits two days in a row and walk around sans shoes. I am not one of those people. Because I always dress for the job I want rather than the one I have, I make an effort. This look is so effortlessly chic. The blue Louboutins are of course a rather large pipe dream but they are just fabulous.

Now all I need is the moolah to go shopping.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

I Got A Feeling...

Yesterday I got this weird feeling that no matter what was happening now, there are good things on the horizon. I don’t want to sound like a weirdo or like I’m going to invite you to join a cult but I felt really excited and happy at the prospect of the future. I’m not sure if it’s got to do with me moving forward career-wise, my love life taking off (which would be fantastic) or even something silly and superficial like a nice hair day (it’s insanely frizzy today). But I’m in a good place. I hope everyone has something to look forward to. I don’t want to be the only one feeling this good.

Happy Wednesday bitches!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Crazy Girl on Balcony

What a weekend. And I mean that in a good way. Well, almost. It started out great but then there were some weird moments. And now, I'm sitting in Blue Eye's cubicle while she is working and I'm pretending to offer to help her. I keep muttering shame, you look busy, yet I never get up to actually do something. ;) Since I'm clearly not going to help with her advertising admin, I'd better recap the weeken starting with Friday...

Friday was abosultely fabulous as we had our first official dinner party in the flat. But I do use those two words loosely. Basically The Gays came over for dinner and we watched Will & Grace! On Saturday we all got up at the crack of dawn to join a friend for a birthday breakfast. The best part was the weather in Cape Town. It was sunny and warm and we got to walk to breakfast. Good times. After breakfast we strolled around town, did a little shopping and then headed home.

Blue Eyes left to go and gamble her next rent cheque away at the casino and I stayed home. Everything seemed fine and rosy until 5 the next morning. This is where the title of this blog Crazy Girl on Balcony comes from. I was awoken to the loud banging of what sounded like a crazy person outside my bedroom window. On closer inspection, in my blurry-eyed state I thought I saw Blue Eyes standing on the balcony demanding to be let in. It was only later that I realised, Crazy person was in fact not Blue Eyes but a terrified and hysterical girl seeking help. Firstly I have to admit, I was weary I had heard of scams where they prey on woman using another woman to enlist sympathy. I had premonitions that Blue Eyes was going to come home, find me knocked out and most of our posessions gone. But nevertheless I opened the door and that's when it all began.

Turns out this girl was from Ireland, she was a volunteer and she had gone home with a guy she had met at a club despite her friends better judgement. She had blacked out, woke up and started to panic. The guy got aggressive, she got scared and legged it. She left her bag in someone's garden, she couldn't find her shoes and still she ran. Without sounding too preachy, ladies please do not ever do this. if you really want to get laid, do it at the club or at your place where there is someone you can call on if things go bad.

For the next hour I tried to calm her down, we called the police, the Irish embassy, her brother, the police again, her brother again and then we were picked up by the police. I had no desires to go to a police station. In fact the only time I had ever been previously was when I needed my ID certified for my matric exams. I'm so afraid I go there and they all look at me accusingly. I have catholic guilt and trust me, if I'm there too long I will confess to something. Saying that I couldn't leave her alone, so this was around 6.30 in the morning, I left to go to the Cape Town police station. After a couple of hours, dealing with many detectives and captains, some nice and some not nice at all, we managed to get somewhere. We also managed to get hold of her friends who were staying at a nearby hostel and they came to visit and comfort her. She turned out to not be so crazy in the end. I called her a couple of hours later and she was doing much better.

After 4 hours of weirdness I left the police station and went out for breakfast. French toast was very welcomed after all of that. The best part of the day, however was coming home to Blue Eye's cooking. She is amazing and her sunday roast was awesome. Thanks roomie. Today, we decided to inject a bit of culture into our lives and had fancy coffees, planned our housewarming and a trip to the museum. For all those in Cape Town, it's free on certain public holidays but only on the actual day. And now, we're chilling at her offices. She is working, I'm regaling my weekend tales. Good times.

Hope everyone out there had a tres eventual weekend too.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

A Mantra To Last The Whole Long Weekend

As all South Africans know, and are eternally grateful, it's a long weekend. Monday's public holiday is much-needed. A good day to just chill out.

As we'll be away from work, that means no Monday Mantra. This is actually a good thing. We started it to give us the energy and motivation to get through the worst day of the week. If we can make it through a Monday we can do anything. We have also found that using that motivation helps us get through other tough situations. But since there will be no Monday blues we'll all be in a fabulous mood. Just in case you don't feel the same way, here are the lyrics to an amazing Queen song that always puts me in a good mood.

Have a fabulous weekend bitches!

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Ooh you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
It's you you're all I see
Ooo you make me live now honey
Ooo you make me live

Ooh you're the best friend that I ever had
I've been with you such a long time
You're my sunshine and I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
Oh you're my best friend

Ooo you make me live

Ooh I've been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You've stood by me, god
I'm happy at home
You're my best friend

Ooo you make me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me
I got you to help me forgive
Ooo you make me live now honey
Ooo you make me live

You're the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I'll never be lonely
You're my only one
And I love the things
I really love the things that you do
You're my best friend

Ooo you make me live

I'm happy at home
You're my best friend
Oh
Oh you're my best friend
Ooo you make me live
You you're my best friend

The Best Wedding Entrance Ever

This video has been emailed to me a gazillion times and I still watch it every time. For those who haven't seen it yet, this is absolutely heart-warming.

I dare you not to smile whilst watching.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Stuff...

Stuff I wonder…

…is it wrong to want to find a guy who can whistle the Young Folks tune?

…what did I do wrong for my pretty pink and purple umbrella to break?

…why the YDE staff have so much attitude and yet the Accessorize staff need some. It was like being served by a Debbie Downer when I went to purchase a replacement for said broken umbrella.

…where has all my money gone? Especially around the time of the 70% off sales.

Stuff I’m happy about…

…I haven’t been late for work all week.

…it’s almost time for Fashion Week.

…Hot Mama is coming back to work in September.

…Dexter is coming tomorrow and Smokey Eyes next week.

Stuff I need to improve…

…my gym attendance.

…my concentration levels at work. I spend most of my day grimacing over my split ends.

…the state of my bedroom. It’s seriously messy.

…holding a grudge. I need to let go of things.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

I Hope I'm Old Before Die

When we were younger, the gay best friend and I always had a disadvantage. Not only we were short but we could never pass for 18. Even when we turned 18. Therefore in the years before being legal, we used to hang around coffee shops instead of outside clubs begging to be let in. Our favourite coffee shops were the ones which were adjacent to book shops. As you can imagine, Friday nights sipping lattes and reading were rocking J. I remember we always used to go through that book 101 Things To Do Before You Die. At one point we wanted to write down all the items in the book. I should mention we were not freaks just dead poor. And as it turns out, lazy. We didn’t write out the list instead we would both open it on a random page and resolve to do that one thing. We did this a couple of times and both ended up with a list of things we wanted to achieve. I cannot remember what was on my list, I do remember his list telling him to have a threesome. As a good catholic girl, I was both shocked, intrigued and jealous ;).

Cut to me now at 22 still dead poor and still without my list. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the things I want to do and decided to make my own list. I was also inspired by Rachel’s 101 items in 1001 days list. It sounds amazing. But I’m not sure how well I’ll respond to a deadline. Also money is a huge problem. Mainly I cannot save to er, save my life. For some reason as soon as I get money, I need to spend it. Until I marry a trust fund baby, many of the items will take awhile to complete. But I really like making lists so I thought I’d start on some stuff.

10 Places I Want To Visit:

The Little Mermaid Statue in Copenhagen

-Juliet’s Balcony in Verona

-Auschwitz

-Hever Castle (Childhood home of Anne Boleyn)

-Loch Ness (I’m convinced Nessie exists)

-Disney Land

-New Orleans (Around the time of Mardi Gras)

-New York (For the Sex and the City Tour)

-New Zealand (For the Lord of the Rings Tour)

-Pompeii

10 Random Things I Want To Accomplish

-Write and publish a book

-Get married

-Learn another language

-Have breakfast outside Tiffanys flagship store

-Buy a Mini Cooper (by myself, no help from my dad or brothers)

-Have a holiday villa in Spain

-Zorbing

-Sit front row at a fashion show (preferably next to Anna Wintour but I can settle)

-Kissing the Blarney Stone

-Be completely debt-free

10 Things I Want To Try

-Manhattan cocktails in Manhattan

-Champagne in Champagne

-Haute Couture in Paris

-Coffee at Starbucks

-Frozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity II

-Sushi at Nobu

-Skiing in the Alps

-Be an intern at Vogue

-Chorizos in Spain

-Picking Tulips in the Netherlands

Looking at them now, some don’t seem so hard to do. Some I can accomplish together. Some I’m not sure if I ever will be able to accomplish. But there’s no point in getting negative. Instead I’ll keep the faith and wait anxiously for items to cross off.

If you have anything you think I absolutely have to try, let me know.

Ex-Oh! Ex-Oh!

Monday's Mantra

This week we are independent women living in our new flat.
I believe in faith, push-up bras and fat-free sweets.
I'm addicted to Kloof Street.
I wish my co-workers didn't bug me so much.
I'm jealous of no one today.
Soundtrack/Mantra for the week Finally it's happening to me!